Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To breach court ordered contact?

54 replies

Worriedmum201 · 07/05/2019 16:43

I have posted in legal but posting here too for opinions....

My ds father is being prosecuted for drink driving with ds in car. He was 3x over the limit and is facing charges of child neglect aswell as the drink driving.

Social services have told me that although they can’t tell me not to allow him to take him away, if I do they will look at my parenting because I will be placing him in the care of someone who put him in danger. We have a court order for reasonable contact but he is pressuring me to allow him to take him. Would the court agree that I am doing what’s in his best interests?

OP posts:
Sarah22xx · 07/05/2019 16:45

I agree with social services, please please please do not leave your child in his care.

Original poster
Worriedmum201 · 07/05/2019 16:48

Apologies I’m not very clear, no I’m not going to I’m just worried about him taking me back to court. Does nothing for my anxiety Confused

OP posts:
ThePants999 · 07/05/2019 16:48

I think the more pertinent point is, there will be no repercussions to you for following social services' nudge. If your ex DOES take you back to court to enforce the order, and the court agrees with him, they will at least understand why you did it, and won't take any action beyond saying "we get why you made that decision but it was wrong, start allowing contact now".

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 07/05/2019 16:48

Will someone from social services put that in writing for you?

123bananas · 07/05/2019 16:49

I think you have to listen to social services here. If it goes to court then they can be called upon to provide evidence that they advised you to cease contact, but I would request that in writing from them as back up. If he is being prosecuted currently then he is unlikely to have time to take the matter back to court if you do breach the order. You could also apply to the court yourself to have the order changed yourself with the evidence.

ThePants999 · 07/05/2019 16:49

(More likely, the court will agree with you anyway, and even more likely than that, your ex will realise that and not bother going back to court in the first place.)

User199999999o9o999 · 07/05/2019 16:50

Supervised contact center? He forfeited any right when he put your child in danger. Supervised still facilitates the court order contact.

Original poster
Worriedmum201 · 07/05/2019 16:50

I’ve been trying to ring them again today just waiting for a call back. He could be looking at jail time yet. He is a bully and is likely just trying to bully me into backing down. Not sure if he would dare try court considering what he’s done

OP posts:
Original poster
Worriedmum201 · 07/05/2019 16:51

I’ve also repeatedly told him he can visit him at home any time but not take him away so technically I’m not stopping contact

OP posts:
IAmNOTBent · 07/05/2019 16:52

Contact centre solves this problem

Original poster
Worriedmum201 · 07/05/2019 16:53

I would allow his parents to take him for contact at their house if I could trust that they won’t allow him to take him away

OP posts:
User199999999o9o999 · 07/05/2019 16:56

Don't trust them, it's not worth the risk.

Mumshappy · 07/05/2019 17:02

Let him take you back to court if he wants. He needs to only have supervised contact as he cant be trusted. I wouldnt allow his parents unsupervised access unless your 100% certain they wont let him take him. You could be looked at for failure to protect otherwise.

BoneyBackJefferson · 07/05/2019 17:19

This is what makes them so fucking useless.

We can't tell you to do this but if you don't.

Fucking wankers.

Try and get this in writing, email or something or it could bite you on the arse no matter what you do.

Cathmidston · 07/05/2019 17:23

Go back to court to vary the order. Apply for an emergency hearing. That way all your bases are covered are covered. This is something you can do yourself. You don’t need a solicitor

Abbazed · 07/05/2019 17:24

Go back to court put the ui charges before the Family judge and contact via contact centre.

Abbazed · 07/05/2019 17:26

Is he an alcoholic?

snowbear66 · 07/05/2019 17:30

I agreed with other posters get something in writing from SS, if they are asking you to do that they should give you a written statement.
Don’t risk them taking your children into care.

Original poster
Worriedmum201 · 07/05/2019 17:53

Still waiting on them ringing me back

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 07/05/2019 17:53

If you have offered contact in your home, or at a supervised contact centre, I can't see that, given the circumstances, anyone could say that you were preventing contact.
I would also email the social worker you spoke to, outline the conversation and her advice not to hand over your son, and ask her to confirm this is true.

Original poster
Worriedmum201 · 07/05/2019 19:47

Yes I have all the texts where I’ve specifically said he can visit. The point is not to see ds to him though. He’s never really been interested, he just thinks he’s getting one over me. Ds has said for months if not years he doesn’t want to go and he’s almost 13 now

OP posts:
Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 07/05/2019 19:52

Can you seek to revise the other so it’s at a contact centre or otherwise supervised.

Ie at his parents house with you present?

opticaldelusion · 07/05/2019 19:54

He sounds abusive. I wouldn't go to court. The application fee is over £200 I believe. Get something in writing from your social worker confirming their assessment of the situation and block his number.

The fact that he's being pursued for neglect and he's still harassing you into letting him take his child shows how much he minimises his behaviour. Men like that are dangerous.

Block him. If he's not seeing your child he has no need to contact you. If he makes a child arrangement order then the court will contact you.

Ifigotherewillbedouble · 07/05/2019 19:55

The court order is for reasonable contact. You have offered that so you are not at risk of going against a court order. Social services can not advise you to go against a court order - they do not have the power to supersede the court. In Scotland there would be the Children’s Reporter or Child Protection Procedures could be instigated to prevent any contact (that would be used to support you to keep your child safe from contact with his father) At almost 13 though, your son has the right to refuse contact, and any judge should take this into account. My advice is don’t worry - you have offered reasonable contact and you can prove that. If he takes you back to court then your son can ask for contact to stop.

Original poster
Worriedmum201 · 07/05/2019 23:35

It’s actually laughable that he’s trying to twist things and make it sound like it’s my fault he hasn’t seen him

OP posts: