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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To breach court ordered contact?

54 replies

Worriedmum201 · 07/05/2019 16:43

I have posted in legal but posting here too for opinions....

My ds father is being prosecuted for drink driving with ds in car. He was 3x over the limit and is facing charges of child neglect aswell as the drink driving.

Social services have told me that although they can’t tell me not to allow him to take him away, if I do they will look at my parenting because I will be placing him in the care of someone who put him in danger. We have a court order for reasonable contact but he is pressuring me to allow him to take him. Would the court agree that I am doing what’s in his best interests?

OP posts:
Original poster
Worriedmum201 · 08/05/2019 16:09

So basically because I told ss that I wouldn’t be allowing ds to go away with his dad, they have told him that they will be taking no further action. So I’ve been dropped in the shit by ss who have just left me to deal with it with no support from them

OP posts:
Wallywobbles · 08/05/2019 16:37

Don't let him take him. Legally I'm fairly certain you've done enough. I would get organized to get back to court for a change in the order. DS will be 13 by the time you get there and old enough to be allowed to organize contact himself.

omione · 08/05/2019 16:39

You are responsible for keeping your child safe.Do you want your child to be left with a drunk and harmed or killed because that drunk thinks only of himself ? How would you feel if anything happened to your child ?

Original poster
Worriedmum201 · 08/05/2019 18:02

I just mean that without their support I am going to be susceptible to an amount of abuse from him. This is what started my anxiety to begin with

OP posts:
Original poster
Worriedmum201 · 14/05/2019 22:12

So I finally got to speak to ss today. They won’t help me at all. I am absolutely furious. She said they can’t put anything in writing as they can’t tell me what to do:

They have literally put me in a terrible position and open to a lot of verbal abuse from my ex. I can’t afford to go to court at the minute so I’m in limbo

OP posts:
Abbazed · 14/05/2019 22:42

Hun x I would apply for a variation of court order to contact centre.

Abbazed · 14/05/2019 22:43

Don't whatever you do let the child go. He is sick. Sorry can't come

Quartz2208 · 14/05/2019 22:45

Your son is 13? Definitely old enough to make he own decision not to go as well
No contaxt

MissMalice · 14/05/2019 22:49

If he is prosecuted for drink driving (how do you know this?), it should come up on the CAFCASS schedule 2 letter that they do with each application.

If you are making changes to the order, you need to apply for a variation. Legally, you cannot just stop contact. If there is a safeguarding risk you need to apply for an urgent hearing.

Cherrysoup · 14/05/2019 22:49

Your ds can make his own mind up. You don’t need to be the bad guy in this situation.

MissMalice · 14/05/2019 22:49

If you are on a low income you may be eligible for a reduced fee or no fee at all.

Original poster
Worriedmum201 · 14/05/2019 23:21

@miss malice do you mean how do I know he is being prosecuted?

OP posts:
FenellaVelour · 14/05/2019 23:39

If your son is not at risk - and because you’ve indicated you’re acting protectively by stopping contact - social services won’t get involved.

You can either apply to the court for a variation of the Order, or wait until he takes you to court for enforcement, at which point you would have to explain and justify to the court why you have breached the order. Always better in the court’s eyes to make the application yourself if you can, rather than put yourself in breach. Either way, though, the court will be provided with safeguarding information from Cafcass which will include a summary of police and social care records.

glitterfarts · 15/05/2019 10:13

If your DS is 13 and doesn't want to go to his Dad, don't make him. Just text your ex and say "DS doesn't want to see you at the moment, so we will wait for the court case to be over. He has a phone, so you can organise any further contact with DS".

Then block him.

Make sure your DS knows he doesn't have to see his Dad, doesn't have to talk to him, doesn't have to take abuse or manipulation. And that you have told his Dad he doesn't want to see him for now.

Original poster
Worriedmum201 · 15/05/2019 12:31

If I was to apply to the court would I have to get a solicitor and go to court again in person? I’m not very up on all of this sorry

OP posts:
Doyoumind · 15/05/2019 12:34

You don't need a solicitor but I think you would be wasting your time. With a DS of 13 an order isn't enforceable anyway.

MyCatHatesEverybody · 15/05/2019 12:44

The court order means that you have to make DS available for contact - however it can't be enforced either to make the NRP turn up or if your child refuses to go if they're old enough to make that decision (i.e. teens not younger children). Your DS has good reason not to want to go out with his dad - it must have been scary for DS to be there when his dad got pulled over by the police. As long as you are offering contact of some sort I would think you should be ok.

Original poster
Worriedmum201 · 19/05/2019 23:15

Seems he thinks that he doesn’t need to pay for ds if he’s not seeing him

OP posts:
NeverTwerkNaked · 19/05/2019 23:37

Op I am so sorry you are going through this.

I have been through similar. ExH deliberately did something which risked my son's life. I rang social services assuming they would step in. But because I was withholding contact they said my son was safe so they didn't have to do anything. It is a ridiculous catch - 22.

In the end I applied to court to ask them to susoend the contact order. They aren't suspending it but have also made it clear I am not in trouble for breaching it in these circumstances.

I paid £25 for 30 minutes with the Coram helpline and they talked me through the paperwork.

I am really sorry, I don't think many people realise what a ghastly shock it is to realise the only way you can keep your own child safe might be to breach a court order. I don't think they realisd how little protection there is for children with one decent parent and one dangerous one. It's a scary and lonely place to be.

NeverTwerkNaked · 19/05/2019 23:39

And yes to the level of abuse, and the fact that us having to make the decision leaves us so vulnerabke. Could you block all contact for now?

AuntMarch · 20/05/2019 06:11

What a shit bag. Bad enough endangering other road users, but your own son Angry

Maintenance is a separate issue and he should know that but if course he'll try and get out of it, he's already proven not to be a responsibile parent. That's really going to make his kid want to see him isn't it. Knob.

I'm sorry I don't have much idea how the systems work, would CAB be able to advise?

Original poster
Worriedmum201 · 20/05/2019 16:51

@NeverTwerkNaked I’m sorry you’ve already been through this shit - how old is your child if you don’t mind me asking? He has just told me he will start paying again once he gets access to him. Not happening because I don’t trust him at all. I just don’t know what to do for the best I really don’t

OP posts:
Original poster
Worriedmum201 · 20/05/2019 16:54

I’m starting to get really angry about how this is making ds feel. His dad obviously couldn’t care less about him

OP posts:
Bunnybaubles · 20/05/2019 17:05

My DS was 12 when he told me her didn't want to have contact with his DF. We went back to court where his DF was stripped of parental responsibilities and had contact removed. His solicitor also advised him to stand down and not fight it.
Is it possible to ask your solicitor for advice on whether your DS is old enough to make his own decision regarding contact?

kbPOW · 20/05/2019 17:09

Please repost in legal. You need to take this back to court. There is some poor advice on this thread.

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