I hate Playgroup

[Mumofone1593]

Playgroup 1- I have been going for about 10 months but have no friends really, I talk to people where I can but they seem to congregate in groups and I don't fit anywhere.

Last Monday they said I looked tired, I said I had slept on the floor in my son's room as the 'no cry sleep method' told us never to take him out his room at night but he wouldn't sleep without us. A woman said that she found it horrible and she would cosleep as long as she could and would be very upset when her children didn't want her bed.

I was asked if I breastfeed as my son was pulling at my top and said no I stopped at 13 months. A woman said that she didn't breastfeed as it 'didnt work for her' but she can't believe I would stop at 13 months, my poor son?!?

So I start a new Playgroup today- 3 mums from my other playgroup are there, I smile and get nothing, not even a hello or 'oh you go to Monday playgroup', maybe I should have engaged first but I didn't.

I carry my son to sit by a woman I recognise at a craft table and she said she would move to make space for me... Every mum left the craft table... My son was the only kid at it so don't know why he was so big they all had to move?

I sat for snacks and a woman's child fell off the chair as her foot was stuck under the table, I caught her and put her back and kept her entertained. Mum came over and said that her children wouldn't behave like my son (get down from the snack table like my son was doing) as they go nursery?! Sorry I can't afford nursery and therefore my child's Mowgli from the jungle book! Also are you blind? Your kid is the exact same as mine!

Therefore from my limited experience I hate all playgroups, the end, bring on 4 so I can drown my sorrows that I have no mum friends and never will while my husband cares for the baby

Playgroups are shit, cliquey Mums are shittier.

Cheers

I’m sorry that happened to you. I know people say things like this don’t matter but it can really give your confidence a battering.

I don't go to playgroup to make small talk with strangers, I go because my kid loves it. Does your DC have fun? I'd be happy to sit in silence and have a cup of tea and biscuit for a few hours if he enjoys it. Ignore the other mums, they sound awful?

!

Mum came over and said that her children wouldn't behave like my son (get down from the snack table like my son was doing) as they go nursery?!

I don’t understand this at all?

Has your son been a bit unruly? Had trouble with the other children?

It’s very strange that they would all move away and then she would make some rand comment!

playgroups are not mandatory. you don`t have to go. I tried one. it was horrid.

I stopped going and took ds to other things (playareas, softplay etc). much nicer!

They sound like a bunch of knobs.

This is exactly why I used to sit on my own with a cuppa! The playgroups I went to were so unbelievably cliquey. I quickly gave up and just chilled out while DS ran around. Also one mum audibly gasped when I said DS had been formula fed because he wouldn't latch and told me people who say their babies won't latch are just using an excuse to give up. Why would I want friends like that?! Don't take it to heart OP. Mum's are awful

@IvanaPee it was so random and out the blue, he's only 15 months and can't even walk so not like some of the kids there, like a 3 year old who kept running up punching me (which I didn't judge becuase, who cares) there was honestly no need, my son hadn't played with her kids the whole hour! He ate his biscuit and got down off his chair (apparently before songs) I let him get down and go off and play because I didn't know there were songs! I think she meant they go nursery so have snack time every day and so don't jump off their seats (which one did but she didn't notice)! She was very loud the whole session talking to people so maybe shes just full of loud opinions and I'm not used to her personality!

@Hiphopopotamous I said to my sister I am going back next week as my son loved the toys but I will come prepared to be alone, I think the fact I thought I might make friends made it worse whereas my usual playgroup I know I am alone!

I know there are so many better things but I live in a stupid village and can only go to things that are walking distance and being disabled my walking distance is very limited! I can't wait for summer when we can just go to the local park everyday!

Op that sounds awful. Maybe try different groups or activities.

Op you say that you are disabled. Going to be blunt, is it obvious. Some people are utterly insensitive and don’t deal well with anyone different

I take the view OP playgroups are for the toddlers I take mine so he is around other children the moms have never been welcoming so I just let him enjoy himself and keep a watchful eye over him. Although their kids seem to flock round him when he has his fruit and are keen to take his I have plenty of RL friends if they want to be in cliques let them! I don't know anyone who has made mom friends from these groups. Have your and ignore them.

That is really bizarre

She sounds a bit of a queen bee type if she’s loudly taking over conversation all the time.

Tell me; do you look a bit “alternative”? Because I went to a playgroup when dc was younger. I didn’t particularly like it but it was fine. I was welcomed, no hassle.

One day a woman came in - postbox red hair, tattoos, rockabilly vibe. You’d swear Satan had pulled up a chair. They were horrible to her

I chatted to her and when it was over never went back. Some people are just awful and never outgrow the Mean Girl shit from school.

@jaseyraex I honestly don't know who these women are? Do they not have filters once they've pushed a baby out!

My sister said which is very true- these are random women with children your son's age, you pick friends becuase of mutual interests and not mutual ages!

I need to remember I don't need friends with kids! I actually love having my single friends as I leave the baby with my husband and forget life for a few hours! I just wouldn't mind one mum so I could talk to someone in real life! Imagine if I had a friend and messaged her about cruel playgroup but no, no friend so I just call my sister and post on mumsnet

@Dishwashersaurous @IvanaPee I don't look visibly different apart from a bit of a limp but I do groan every time I get up and move (it's just from the pain and I don't mean to) could that maybe be it? They dont know I'm disabled (apart from the ones from the church as I'm always on the prayer tree... Unfortunately incurable but try telling the church that!) So maybe I seem like a moany weirdo to new people?

I hated them too if it is any consolation! Endured them with my first DC as I felt it was the done thing to do but didn't go to any with my second. I am not a mumsy mum really, I would rather talk about football than discuss when I weaned my child, which are the best bibs and all this nonsense..! I have never fitted in with the cliques, don't intend to and don't care! Be proud of who are you and if they don't want to know it's their problem not yours!

OP you have my sympathy. I'll be your friend! I stopped going to playgroups for this reason. It seemed to me that the mums had all gone to school together and all had kids together! The cliques were impenetrable, and at more than one playgroup too. I'm not originally from the area I live in so don't have that kind of network locally.

Honestly, I think motherhood has been the loneliest time of my life. I have only made a few good friends since having ds and becoming a SAHM, and 2 of them moved away!

People say join groups to make friends but it's not that easy. I'm friendly and sociable, but cliques are impossible.

I want to start a national movement of playgroups called Mums Against Cliques. You're not allowed to know anyone before you go, and you must make conversation with 5 other mums (you get stamps on a card) or you don't get tea and cake!

Well if that’s the reason then they’re utterly vile.

My experience was you had to try quite a few before you find one that fits you. I've been to ones with friends which they are happy at but make me feel uncomfortable. I've tried lots and have only really enjoyed 2 which is a low ratio! It's a shame you can't get to more as over time you might find one that suits you. Have you tried the Mush app? It's a mum friends app.

My local soft play does a toddler morning where you pay for them to play and you get tea and coffee.

Maybe try something like that?

This is precisely why I don't go.

Hated them with my first two so wasn't going to bother with DC3 but we moved to a new area so thought I'd give it a go. Been twice and both times I sat on my own in a corner while the cliques all chatted amongst themselves. Tried engaging with them but just got blank stares or one word answers.

Is this your first DC? I find it has been much easier to make 'mum' friends once they start school. I have a few nice friends now DC1 is in Reception.

This is so common amongst play groups and the school gates. I've never met such awful women in all my life.

I genuinely don't understand, women are really helpful and kind to each other on these boards but where are they in real life?!

I genuinely don't understand, women are really helpful and kind to each other on these boards but where are they in real life?!

This is what I'm wondering. Where are all you guys on this thread in the playgroups! You all sound lovely, definitely not the types I've encountered.

There was one I went to a few times with my older two and there was only one person I ever spoke to who was a grandad who looked after his grandad and nobody would speak to him. At all. It was like he was an alien.

I hate them too OP, but I go with the attitude that's it's for the kids to play somewhere different and I don't care about chit chat or making friends. This way it's much easier.

*looked after his grandson