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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask how much you spend on nieces and nephews presents?

48 replies

AK86xo · 07/05/2019 12:06

As our number of nieces and nephews grows, it is becoming quite costly. We don't have children ourselves yet. One of DH's siblings is quite wealthy so really splashes the cash when it comes to the other sibling's children. I have told DH we are not to compete and we need to do what is best for our situation.

He also states that we should have the same budget for nieces and nephews on both sides of the family. Whilst I understand this, I do feel a bit miffed as relationships are quite strained with his side of the family. They didn't get us anything for our wedding not even a card, (no one was ecstatic about our marriage but that's a separate thread) and it is the same for our birthdays and Christmas etc. On my side of the family however, the relationships are positive and gifts for all occasions are always exchanged and they are all of the same value so no one is short changed.

I know this has nothing to do with the nieces and nephews, but I do find it frustrating to see the parents of the nieces and nephews on his side happily receive all the gifts from ourselves when they barely even acknowledge me, and certainly don't acknowledge our birthdays/anniversary etc. I'm sure that part is irrelevant and just me feeling bitter though.

OP posts:

Settlersofcatan · 07/05/2019 12:10

We have a joint account but also separate personal accounts - we sort out our own families' presents and spend what we want from our personal spends budget. Would that work for you?

StopMakingATitOfUrselfNPissOff · 07/05/2019 12:13

£20 max for both birthday and Christmas. We've got 9 between us as well as our own kids. We wouldn't afford to eat if we spent more!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 07/05/2019 12:13

I have always spent approx. £50 on my niece and nephew- some times its over or under depending on what they want.

I think its bad they didnt get you anything for your wedding- however for xmas we have always had a "no presents for adults" policy. Ive never cared that that meant i was buying for my niece and nephew before I had a child. As an adult I don't need presents- if I want something i can buy it and if i cant afford it, its unlikely id get it as a present anyway.

RedSkyLastNight · 07/05/2019 12:13

Spend what you want and buy for who you want to (largely the approach we take). I think it can be tricky if you are the only childless couple an everyone else has DC though (we don't buy for adults at all in our family).

Aquilla · 07/05/2019 12:17

£20-30 Xmas and birthdays. We have 5 but this will expand so may have to cut down!

Ginseng1 · 07/05/2019 12:17

We have joint everything but I let Dh sort his own niece n nephew (2) while I do mine (6). We don't add up what's what. We spend what we can afford/suitable at the time. He is random like he might not send anything for birthdays so goes mad at Christmas. I tend to bring my younger dns out r that in lieu of presents n give the olders a few quid. (like 10-20 each) I stopped buying more plastic for them unless there's something I know they want. I don't rem when/what they give my 3 everytime but usually small stuff which is fine!

PrayingandHoping · 07/05/2019 12:17

£10/15 is our budget. I have a lot of nieces and nephews so it had to be sensible. The amount was agreed between all siblings so we all spend the same. If the child is after something more expensive then we get together and buy jointly

Teddybear45 · 07/05/2019 12:22

My side 4 neices / nephews : £50 per birthday gift, £50 per Christmas gift, just easter eggs and shared crafts for easter (approx £10 per child), £50 a gift for for Diwali.

DH side 2 neices / nephews : £100 cash for birthdays and £100 cash for Diwali. But we never see them.

AryaStarkWolf · 07/05/2019 12:23

€25-€30 usually

EllenRachel · 07/05/2019 12:25

We spend £15 on the ones on my husband's side and around £20/£25 on the ones on my side. His side is agreed between siblings (but we have sometimes spent more for something specific). My sister is much more wealthy than us and wants to spend more on mine but she knows and is fine that we can't reciprocate with her children but we do spend a little more. We have 11 nieces and nephews and were the last on both sides to have children and I never minded buying for them before we had our own.

We intend to stop when they reach 18.

spursheaven · 07/05/2019 12:25

£20 both Christmas birthdays
£20/30 Easter
Halloween party

Douzepoints · 07/05/2019 12:26

Similar situation here. We have 6 with three on each side, which is quite handy, and we buy for our own families from our own personal accounts. I spent £25-£30 on my nieces and nephew but DH is a bit of a pushover; he'll spend up to £100 each because he asks what they want and is given a list of expensive things and then doesn't want to let them down. This would be fine if we were well off, but we're not and this present-buying arrangement has pushed him/us into financial difficulties over the last two christmases. Then there are the problems when he mentions presents bought for his DNs within earshot of my family...

implantsandaDyson · 07/05/2019 12:26

£25/£30 for birthdays - about £20 for Christmas. £30 for First Communion/Confirmation but obviously that's a one off. We don't have many and we spend the same on both sides even though rarely see one side and see my niece a few times a week.

steff13 · 07/05/2019 12:26

I don't set a price limit; we have two nieces and a nephew, and I get them three gifts each for birthdays, and four for Christmas. My eldest niece's birthday was last month, and I think I spent around $100.

daisypond · 07/05/2019 12:28

Nothing. We don’t buy for nieces and nephews in general.

Whathappenedtothelego · 07/05/2019 12:36

Between £10 and £15 both for birthdays and Christmas (though not set in stone.)
I wouldn't want to spend much more for fear of overshadowing the parents' gifts to their own children - I think being given an expensive gift can sometimes be a bit awkward/embarrassing.

Blondequeenie · 07/05/2019 12:38

For me my problem is not what budget you set for nieces and nephews but then its also having to buy something for their parents on top of that.

My DH and me do not have children yet and last Christmas with the arrival of my niece, it was 1 extra present to buy, which will be 2 presents extra once my nephew is born this month. Thats just for Christmas! But I generally spent more on my niece and got my brother and his girlfriend a a small thing each from the boots 3 for 2!

I went really overboard on my nieces first birthday but with another one coming along I do not think I can afford that much again. With my other nieces and nephews on my husbands side, they are all not in our country so we never see them and because of that no presents really! Its not really a thing in my DH's culture!

I think the budget depends on what you earn does it not? It is all fair to say spend £20.00 but if you earn a good salary then you may justify £50 or £100.00. It is down to personal preference. It may be better to ask: to people who earn between this wage bracket and have a mortgage or are middle-classed etc, how much do you spend? You do not know how much money people on here have and for all you know I could be a millionaire (I wish!!!!) and I could spend £1000 on a present. Just look at Khloe Kardashians first birthday party for her daughter True as an example and how much money was spent on that but again she's obviously in a position to pay for it.

Millie2018 · 07/05/2019 12:49

I always spent the same amount on all of my nieces and nephews and it was roughly the same as mine and DH siblings would spend with the exception of one sibling. This sibling at the time didn’t have children and is the tightest person you will ever meet. One year for my DDs birthday they brought her a £1.99 toy broom. Seriously. They have money for spa weekends away and most of their clothes are designer. They weren’t even embarrassed and commented on how it was great for imaginative play.
They now have one child. Let’s call her princess. I always shop around to get princess something in the sale. I don’t feel guilty at all. I spend about £20 on the others and as little as possible on their child. In fact, I try and match what I think they have spent on my child that year. As I have years in the bank of them treating my children like this, I’ve made my peace with the decision.

starkid · 12/05/2019 15:48

Around £15 for bday, £20 for xmas. My DH and I buy for our family's birthday/xmas etc. out of our own accounts. He spends more on his mum for example than I do just because that's what he's always done compared to what my family have always done, so that way we're comfortable spending what we want to :)

ilovepixie · 12/05/2019 15:55

I spend quite a lot on mine but I don't have kids of my own, and there's only 3 of them. My DP doesn't spend anything on his as they aren't close.

Witchend · 12/05/2019 15:59

As a standard rule I spent £10-£15 per child. If it's at the lower end it's usually because it's been in the sale vastly reduced. I try and get as much as possible in the sale, so it probably looks more like £20-£25 as a standard rule.
If I see something I think is especially nice then I may spend a little more.

Sierra259 · 12/05/2019 16:02

£25 Christmas and £25-30 birthdays. Though at Christmas I often buy on 3 for 2 offers or in the Black Friday sales so I get more for my money. Christmas is the worst, birthdays are spread quite evenly throughout the year fortunately.

Lost5stone · 12/05/2019 16:02

We do about £30 each for DPs 2 nephews.

My sister has just had a baby so first one on my side. I'll take Dsis lead, she seems to spend about £15 on DD so I'll do the same for Dneice. I also have 4 sisters and 2 brothers so the potential for a lot of children, whereas DP only has 1 sister.

Sierra259 · 12/05/2019 16:04

Meant to add, we now have 5 nieces and nephews so the amount spent at Christmas may have to be reviewed this year!

Dieu · 12/05/2019 16:06

£30 - £40 per child/present

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