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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To get an overwhelming sense of danger from a stranger?

676 replies

ThisIsCheese · 07/05/2019 09:57

The weirdest thing just happened. I’m in the supermarket and as I’m stood selected and bagging vegetables I suddenly feel very uncomfortable.
There is a man about 50 something stood with his elderly mother a few feet away to the side of me and I felt very sick and uncomfortable when I looked at him.
Absolutely no reason for it but it was overwhelming, like a sense of fear he was not a good man.

Completely clueless why I felt that way I moved along quickly but I crossed paths with him again in another aisle and knew he was there before I saw him because the sick / anxious feeling returned.

Anyone else ever had this? I don’t have anxiety or anything but this feeling was so odd, like I could sense he wasn’t a good person.

Never met him before, he could be perfectly lovely but my physical reaction to him was so strong Confused

OP posts:
Dundunduhduhduhdundun · 08/05/2019 22:08

@mayleaveadentinyoursofa was it Location Location Location?

DointItForTheKids · 08/05/2019 22:19

I wish we could see some examples of people others have found weird so I can get my eye in, I've clearly not got the touch, I've never had this. I've had what you could call the opposite - no warning, no creepy feeling, but then sexual assault in broad daylight!

I NEVER. EVER. listen to music whilst walking along and am pretty overt about making sure I listen out, practice preventative avoidant practices like if I see a person coming towards me I don't like the look off I'd cross the street (standard first line self defence) and all that. This guy just walked up behind me, never heard a thing, stuck his hand right up my skirt. That was it.

I was thinking about this and what you say Ruffle is right - I think there are people who are the focus of this thread who emanate actual evil because there is something rotten and vile inside them and there's a malevolence and overt enjoyment in thinking all the time about how much they'd enjoy hurting someone. Then there's people like the child abuse image consumers and people like this bloke who put his hand up my skirt - they'd never give off that vibe because they're more, what, casual about it, they don't see it as anything particularly extraordinary so they don't give off that vibe. Some would but many wouldn't - I think there's a mixture of types of bad person - bad and pure bloody evil.

It's a shame they don't all have lights on top of their heads so we could just know.

patchisagoodpup · 08/05/2019 22:23

I went on a date with a guy, went back to his, we were kissing, watching a movie and I just thought no. I need to get out. He gave me the creeps. I was 22, maybe what happened was I realised how vulnerable I was being alone with him but his flat was strange. Like a setup? Sounds weird to say.

bananafish · 08/05/2019 22:28

It's happened a few times with me, but I think it's because I can tune into other people's feelings with ease.

The worst one was a guy at work - totally golden, everyone loved him, I hated him. I thought he was such a fraud - putting on a persona. Pitched up a few years later in the national press being sent down for raping two children. I wasn't even surprised.

clairemcnam · 08/05/2019 22:30

patch In what way was his flat strange? Like a set up?

llizzie · 08/05/2019 22:41

We have a built-in defence mechanism. It is called instinct and it is better to act on it unless you have an acquaintance who knows him and can ask about him.

Callywalls · 08/05/2019 22:48

I always felt Jimmy Saville was creepy, I never had any desire to write to "Jim'll Fix It" - However, like some other posters, I too was shocked about Rolf Harris - I was another who, as a kid, danced around to "Two little boys". - My "danger radar" is obviously wonky though cos I went to school with, what I thought was a really nice lad, he dated my friend for a while and was perfectly decent. He was nice looking, came from a good family and was just one of those lovely guys, not big headed, or a trouble-maker, always friendly and seemed a real gentleman. I heard he'd married (to a relative of a relative of mine) had a couple of kids then got divorced and eventually re-married. I was horrified to then learn that he had murdered his second wife , kept her body in the boot of his car for a week then killed himself. I felt really sad when I heard (obviously my sympathy was mainly for his murdered wife and her family) but I also felt sorry for his parents and brother as, from what I remember, they were nice people and I felt sorry for his two kids, not only losing their Dad but having to live with the knowledge of the terrible thing he had done. If you had asked me to choose someone who would become a murderer and commit suicide out of all the people I was at school with, he would have been one of last people I would have chosen.

patchisagoodpup · 08/05/2019 22:55

@Dieu my little staffy hates men in general. They are amazing dogs Grin

Graphista · 08/05/2019 22:58

Babydarling - there are non visual cues too, that's only one sense.

Springisallaround - I didn't mean ALL tics etc indicate a dangerous person but that particular types are indicative, and our brains compile the information from multiple indicators quickly. Sometimes it's a combination of eg a tic and the way someone moves their arm.

Have you ever seen the tv show lie to me? It's fictional but based on the real life research and experience of psychologist Paul ekman on microexpressions. You may find it interesting. And as pps have said he's not the only one, there's quite a lot of research on the subject.

I remember watching an episode of Oprah years ago before I knew about anything like this but had experienced it. It was an episode about staying safe - particularly as a woman - and was an ex special victims police officer and the main thing he was saying was "trust your gut" he gave some examples he knew of where potential victims had escaped later convicted prolific predators due to "sensing" something being "off" - that was the first time that I learned that people who'd previously been victims of attacks/abuse (as I have) are believed to be even more tuned in to these things.

Children of addicts (which I also am) are believed by experts in the field to be very tuned in too.

However as you raised it, people who are good at reading people in terms of danger signals are good at reading people generally.

I'm an ex nurse and I found I picked up on patients about to have a stroke, seizure, heart attack, faint etc more quickly than other hcps who were admittedly less skilled at reading people generally. Many nurses and other hcps do learn these cues through their medical experience but I noticed myself and others with similar backgrounds (addicted and/or abusive parents/family) either could do it "naturally" or learned to do it more quickly than others with different backgrounds. It was a rather odd thing as it meant I was learning which other hcps had a similar background to myself before we really knew each other or had discussed our backgrounds.

I mentioned it to an older nurse while training when I first noticed it naively expecting her to be surprised or find it interesting. She was completely nonplussed and said something along the lines of "well think about the reasons why people might choose healthcare as a profession. Many are subconsciously trying to "fix" their past or protect others from going through what they went through, plus they're often compassionate, empathic people who are interested in others" at that point - again naively - I hadn't even considered the former (fixing our past) perhaps a touch of denial on my part. By the time I finished training I'd learned half my cohort were children or grandchildren of addicts.

"I think it's more to do with growing go witha violent narcissistic mother. You recognised the micro-aggressions/behaviour changes from a young age" exactly

"As we get older I think we lose this capacity." Perhaps partly but it's also socialisation - look how much pressure there is on women and girls to be "nice" and never be seen as "awkward" or "impolite".

Yoyonomore - I've a friend who can ALWAYS tell when someone is pregnant inc before they know. She's not a believer in "woo" she thinks it's likely a change in odour, temperature etc.

"Thinking about it - how many minute danger signals could a person potentially miss because they're completely focussed on their phone? One more reason not to walk around plugged in!" Absolutely, at the time of the Oprah episode it was pre mobile phones but women often wore Walkmans as a way to "signal" non interest in males while walking/as a distraction to calm nerves, the ex policeman warned this was a bad idea as you need to be aware of your surroundings.

"but considering this guy was on tv and was not physically present I am at a loss to explain it" microexpressions, body language, tone of voice... There's some research that suggests that the pattern of muscle tension in the faces of certain types of predator is different to the rest of the population.

Justaboy - your posts are shockingly racist. Research shows that while there are certain cultural differences with certain behaviours facial expressions relating to emotion are mostly universal - ie not culturally influenced.

"but looks like the boy next door- like Ted Bundy." Yes we REALLY as a society need to get away from the misconception that good looking people can't be a threat! If you look up the most prolific and/or shocking murderers/rapists/paedos they're often good looking, charming, successful people.

MulticolourMophead - please don't automatically equate mental illness with criminal/evil. Most of us that are mentally ill are actually more vulnerable to harm from others than a risk to others, and many of us are mentally ill as a result of being victimised.

"Mostly I can tell when a man is thinking negative things about women > they screw up their eyes slightly and make a smirking sneer. Can be gone in a fraction of a second but it always makes me wary." You're likely picking up on microexpressions of disgust and anger.

Re Jimmy Savile my brother wanted to write in so my parents made it an activity for all 3 of us to do and as the eldest I was sent to post the letters - I didn't I threw them away. Couldn't explain it at the time and never told anyone till now funnily enough. Just really didn't want to meet him. Bro was fix it mad but me and sis didn't like watching.

In terms of celebs that caught people out - I never liked the one that used to be on the daytime tv show? Loads of people I knew at the time were and many still are sceptical of the claims against him, I'm not. I wasn't surprised at all.

There's a couple others popular at the moment I won't be at all surprised if certain things come out about them.

I mentioned to some long prior to it being public knowledge my dislike of Max Clifford too. They all bar one dismissed it as me disliking him because he was "just" smarmy and represented dodgy people so I was tarring him with the same brush. The one friend who agreed with me has a similar history to myself (csa, addict parents) - soon as the news broke we were both like "I bloody knew it!"

"Sometimes I feel like Arnie in the Terminator films, when they show the rapid fire information that's occurring to the machine. That's how it appears to me." That makes so much sense to me too!

Rolf harris for me is an odd one, I've always sensed he was more aggressive than pervy. Even though he's now been convicted of certain offences I still feel that there's likely to be worse that comes out about him, possibly after he dies. As is fitting for the thread I can't explain why.

Thanks to all who've been assaulted and otherwise victimised by these people

Lifeover · 08/05/2019 22:59

I’ve had this with people and places. My housemate found a new house for us to move into, even looking through the windows I felt evil. So many bad things happened there, windows smashed, very serious car crash, bizarre blacking out, sleep paralysis/voices in ear bed shaking/ falling out with lifelong friend who I have never spoken with since. Pure evil.

I get feelings about people all the time, boss everyone loved caught embezzling tens of thousands.y ds was walk-in be a few paces ahead I’m a pedestrian area, a man the other side of the pavement seemed to be walking parallel with him glanced over a few times, that man was evil evil evil, I called ds back and man veered off. Man at work people liked arrested for extreme child porn I always found him false.

patchisagoodpup · 08/05/2019 23:01

@clairemcnam we met through a dating website. He had basically nothing there yet had described his flat in great detail during our conversations. I’d had a couple of drinks but when I came to my senses I realised it was off and I got out sharpish.

Justaboy · 08/05/2019 23:05

Vibes are a real, scientific thing Emf from our hearts are the widest emf that we emit - and it changes depending on our mood and thoughts..

OK lillymoss if thats true then how or what units do you measure them with then, and with what equipment?.

Justaboy · 08/05/2019 23:15

Justaboy - your posts are shockingly racist. Research shows that while there are certain cultural differences with certain behaviours facial expressions relating to emotion are mostly universal - ie not culturally influenced.

Yes Graphista, that was what I was asking as i explained later!

According the Oxfore dictionnarey they give the meaning as;

"Prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one's own race is superior."

No blinking way did i say or imply i was superoir at all! And in that instance as quoted no Prejudice, discrimation or Antagonisism was implied either!

SW6mama · 08/05/2019 23:20

Myauntybadger which celebrity???!

AliceRR · 08/05/2019 23:41

Reading this thread alone in the dark was maybe not wise but v interesting

I have had times when I’ve been scared or felt the need to cross the road but don’t have any proven examples like you all but it’s a good lesson to trust our instincts!

LaLaLamp · 08/05/2019 23:46

@Stormy76 Tue 07-May-19 22:42:51
Was this in the northwest in the '70s? We had one, he was a chemistry teacher done for abusing boys..

Victormeldrew1 · 08/05/2019 23:48

There was someone a friend went out with when I was young I really didn't like him he had this strange nasty aura around him turns out I was right to feel it cos many years later he went on to rape a heavily pregnant girl and then burned the house down he's serving life in prison now

Devilinatwinset · 08/05/2019 23:59

Laiste I haven't rtft yet so I don't know if anyone has replied with this but it could go some way to explaining 'places or objects '
www.google.com/amp/s/www.strangerdimensions.com/2013/06/21/infrasound-the-fear-frequency/amp/

Justaboy · 09/05/2019 00:20

And from that..

"As it turned out, there was a silent fan in the laboratory. The fan was giving off low-frequency sound waves at 18.98 Hz, right around the resonant frequency of the human eye. It had also created a standing wave in one area of the room, which is what caused the foil to vibrate."

According to Tandy, “When we finally switched it off, it was as if a huge weight was lifted.”

OK well its very easy to generate that to three decimal places if need be now all i need are some unknowing and witting guinea piggys;!.

Bignosenobum · 09/05/2019 00:28

I worked as a prison nurse and sometimes got the same feeling about some of the inmates. It is human preservation. We all have primal instincts and if you rule out the obvious, someone who reminds you of a person etc you are left with instinct.

Bignosenobum · 09/05/2019 00:35

Also people often ascribe positive qualities to more attractive people and vice versa. My son is autistic and worked in a supermarket. He often took a black case to work because he was in to War Hammer. Anyway we went to discuss how he was getting on and a supervisor said" I am so glad we met you we were thinking was the unibomber". She was swiftly sent on retraining. But it was shocking.

TigerTooth · 09/05/2019 01:29

When I was 15 I babysat frequently for child if my mothers work friend. One night I felt uneasy in the lounge - the house was secure but I felt vulnerable and creeped out. In the end I went and sat in the kitchen.
I was glad when they came back and dropped me home. The next day the lady I sat for asked my mother if I’d seen anything in the garden as the neighbours had been broken into with tools from her shed. The lounge overlooked the garden. I didn’t see or hear anything but I KNEW I was being watched, I could feel it. Creepy.

TigerTooth · 09/05/2019 01:33

Lol - I have my own bedroom for a good nights sleep but I’m creeped out now - going to climb in with DH!

FictionalCharacter · 09/05/2019 01:44

@Wantopinions I worked somewhere a bit like that too and it made me very unhappy. Was it somewhere in West London by any chance?!

Mymomsbetterthanyomom · 09/05/2019 02:49

I believe in instinct for sure...
Long story short,I never felt comfortable with my fil,even at 17 when I met my hubs.There were things said but never anything outright...We stopped all contact 17 years ago,they've never seen our 2 youngest.I received a text from an unfamiliar number asking for my hubs to get in touch with his sibling,he refused but did Google his father's name.
He had just been sentenced four counts and 25 years each in prison.
He was a child molester!!!!!!!
Thankfully we kept our own children safe from that monster!