I want to move out of London but can’t drive. AIBU?

[Twinkletoes77]

Lived in London all my adult life, over it now and would love to move to the countryside (grew up there as did my DH). But do you have to be able to drive to live outside London? Have I totally buggered it up? (I have tried to learn to drive in my 30s, failed two tests. Now in my 40s and if anything would be a more nervous driver esp with kids in the back...)

Loads of people fail the driving test multiple times, then pass and drive fine.

Driving anxiety can be overcome - I passed my test, but didn’t drive for 15 years (lived in London, driving anxiety, money). Moved out after DC, needed to drive, including with the DC. got a great instructor, was v anxious at first but got better and have driven fine for some years now, still get occasional anxiety. It’s good for DC to see their mother driving.

We moved from London to countryside thatched cottage and I don't drive but DH does. Its been fine but had to choose carefully so school, shop, doctor, sports facilities and clubs for kids in walking distance, also wfh. We don't use car much less than by London as DH is now cycleable distance to work and where on outskirts of London before. Trains are much more reliable than buses if you need transport for work.

I live in a small town, not everybody drives but it's definitely easier if you do as the public transport isn't amazing and not that much is realistically walkable. Fwiw I failed my driving test a lot more than twice and I'm fine on the roads now!

Why not ask your DH to teach you how to drive?

Nooo for the sake of a happy marriage do not ask your DH to teach you to drive. I can't think of a single person for whom that's gone well.

Theres plenty of small towns surrounded by countryside and pretty villages. My hometown has everything in walking distance, about 45 miles outside of London, and you dont need to drive to live there as long as you dont mind walking. Plenty for kids to do etc. But it's an expensive place to live as are most towns in the south east (unsure on the rest of UK) So youd need to be in the financial position to do it.. if so happy days! If not then learn to drive automatic. I failed 3 tests and passed in an automatic, much simpler and leaves much more focus for the actual road rather than gears and clutch..

I lived in a village growing up, with a bus twice a week and a shop two miles away. Yes you had to be able to drive.

A town you’d probably be ok. But I couldn’t imagine not driving.

It entirely depends where you go. For example, lots - probably most- of my London friends relocated to the Sussex coast (Brighton/Worthing/Littlehampton) where you are very close to countryside but could easily get by without a car.

Others have gone north or west to major cities such as Manchester or Bristol. Public transport is (obviously) good even on the edge of big cities like those.

You say "small town near lots of countryside". Do you have anywhere in mind? A small town near a big city could work. But i would also consider driving lessons.

I live in a small commuter town. We have buses to the nearest city every quarter of an hour. We also have a couple of supermarkets, a greengrocer, a train station shared with the next town. We also have a very good Indian restaurant and a few takeaways. We also have 2 costas but no Starbucks.

You can live in a lot of places without driving,. I understand your feelings towards driving I failed 4 times and had to give up as it was affecting my mental health.

Thank you very much for your thoughts. I don't suppose anyone who lives outside London with lots of shops etc and doesn't need to drive would care to share the name of the town where they live?
It's not so much even that I'm scared of driving as I'm worried without the 20 years+ experience I should have, whether I would actually be safe driving the kids, even if I passed the test. But I would like to try learning in an automatic I think.

I live in a small countryside town and can’t drive, but if a pain sometimes but it’s fine! I did grow up in a tiny village an hours walk from the nearest town though so living in a small town is basically big city life for me!

Plenty of places with a good train line that are in the middle of nowhere. Look at the cotswold line for example. Lots of small villages, but close enough to Oxford to not feel isolated if you don't drive.

I live in a small village in West Yorkshire. It's 10 miles to the nearest town but there is a bus every hour for work.
I don't drive but my DH does. We only have a small shop/post office combined and a pub here but it's lovely.
Tranquil, quiet and surrounded by fields and woods.

I'd never move back into a town now. I just get used to taking the bus everywhere

Choose carefully.... I live in a decent sized city (half a million residents) on a large modern estate and there are no buses after 7pm and none on Sundays, plus, they are extortionate.

I have PMd you.

It really depends where you want to move to OP. I am in South Norfolk and TBH you have to drive out here in these parts. The bus comes through four times a day and the last one is just after 6pm! The nearest place with good shops and bars etc is thirty miles away, as is The nearest hospital with A and E.

You maybe OK if you move to another City or big Town, where buses are good and/or you have a good train connection to civilisation.

Driving fears can be overcome with hypno therapy.

I grew up in a village. Then in my adult life have lived in a small town, Birmingham and London. I found that even in Birmingham I needed to drive. Public transport is crap in the city so most people drive to get around.
To be honest one of my main motivations for coming back to London was not having to have a car. I hate driving so much prefer having all the public transport options in London.

I'm not saying you couldn't manage it in a smaller city/town but I think it could be quiet limiting and I'd hate to be one of those women relying on DD to drive me around everywhere.

Learn to drive! You can do it!
You will be a better beginner driver than most very young people.

I live on the south coast and near the South Downs. It’s a five minute walk to the bus stop with buses every 10-15 minutes to the nearest town, where you can get trains along the coast, or to London.

We have a Spar garage a five minute walk in one direction, Tesco metro ten minutes in the other, local small shops.

Big Sainsbury’s and Tesco a short drive or half hour walk, with M&S food and other shops across the road.

Pick somewhere with good links. North East has a great metro system (train) that goes to seaside towns and link into Newcastle and Sunderland

My suggestions would be Worthing or Whitstable. I've lived in both without a car.

Of course, budget matters.

If you could give us an idea of budget and what size home you need, it would help.

I live in a very small town in Worcestershire, and day to day no car isn't a problem - theres a supermarket, GP, dentist, pool/gym, and other shops. Weekdays there are buses to the nearest town - but none on a Sunday or after 9pm. And going to the hospital needs 2 buses

So as long as you are happy to walk, really not an issue - as long as you work in town and have access to a car to do things outside bus times and routes

Thank you for all of these.
@RubberTreePlant Budget approx £1m. Need 4/5 bedrooms as DH and I work from home but we need to be near train station that gets into London.
Is Whitstable nice? I've always thought it was a bit too quiet.
Am seriously thinking of just looking at the Waitrose website and seeing where has a high street Waitrose that looks naice.

I moved out of London and was horrified by lack of PT and started driving lessons within a month. I had no idea some places are so poorly serviced and so PT expensive outside London.

If you were moving to another fairly large city then no, you don’t necessarily need to drive but in order to live rurally you definitely do. Your life will be incredibly isolated and almost impossible tbh without the ability.

I live in a small town in the south and don’t have a car but we have really good public transport links: every fifteen minutes to nearby bigger town and every hour to nearest city (30 min journey). There’s also a tarmac cycle path to the bigger town so I can cycle to work.

I used to have a car but ended up getting rid of it and just use partner’s car occasionally. It can definitely be done but you need to do your research and find somewhere with good public transport links.