Naming new baby

[justchecking1]

(All names are examples only, obviously)

My maiden name is Smith. Both my children have their fathers name, Jones. We married after they were born and I mainly kept my maiden name apart from on my passport and driving license and for things to do with their school, for which I am Jones.

We are now divorced. I have asked exDH to consider double barrelling their names to Smith-Jones or Jones-Smith so I can completely go back to my maiden name, but he has point blank refused.

I am now expecting a new baby with DP, whose name is Brown. I have readdressed the double barrelling with exDH in light of this (although haven't told him I'm pregnant) but he's still adamant he won't. I still have Jones on my passport, etc, although never use it other than that.

Would it BU to call new baby Jones-Brown? The association with my ex doesn't bother me and it would mean there was a link in names to my existing children which is what I really want. Clearly this is likely to piss off exDH but he can't have it all ways. I haven't mentioned this as a possibility to him yet as he's likely to go a bit nuts, while still refusing to double barrel, so there doesn't seem much point rocking the boat yet.

If I did this, could I go down as Ms Smith on the birth certificate, with Mr Brown named as father and the child as Jones-Brown? Or would I have to go down as Jones?

Can anyone think of a better solution?!

Jones-Brown is fine, it’s your name too and your ex doesn’t own it.

The association may not bother you but it may confuse your child in the future.

Also, have you asked your DP if he is ok with his child being given your exH's name?

Its not her ex’s surname, it’s hers and her children’s surname. How will that be confusing to a new child?

How would DP feel about his baby having your ex’s surname ?

You would be in a family of 4 names, that sounds madness, and unless you have an extraordinarily understanding husband, why would he accept giving his baby your ex's name?

What's wrong with Smith Brown?

If I'm correct, the OP wants to go back to using her maiden name which is Smith, so why on earth would she want to use her old married name for her new child to a different man? I'd find it strange if my mother had given me her exH's name

If you where keeping the name Jones then fair enough, but since you’re not, I wouldn’t be giving my new baby my ex’s surname.

I would only do this if you just went by Jones and stopped using Smith.

I think you should keep Jones yourself if you want to use the name though.

I hate the fact my kids have different surnames and no obvious familial link in their names.

I think you should be Smith-Jones, your kids stay Jones and your new child could be Brown-Jones

BossyPurple

No it's the exh surname and the children's surname, OP mainden name is Smith, which she has been using for most things since the divorce.

No, if I use Jones-Brown then I'll keep Jones on my passport and to use with anything child related.

I've always used Smith day to day. It's more important to me that my children share a name as I want them to feel like proper siblings.

Yes, maybe I could call myself Smith-Jones-Brown and really confuse things 😆

@Drogosnextwife not if she keeps Jones in her name which is perfectly entitled to do. The name became hers to use when she got married and bore his children with the same name.

If you don’t use Jones in your name then it’s a bit weird to be honest. If you kept it yourself it would be fine but you’re essentially just associating your new baby with a man that isn’t it’s dad

How does your DP feel about it? My DP definitely would not have my exes name in our DS’s name and I wouldn’t want to do that either.

My brothers ex gave their children my brothers surname so they are called ‘brown’ she married and her married name and that of her subsequent children is ‘robinson’ so she changed my brothers kids names to ‘Robinson-brown’ therefore they still have their fathers name but also her married name and share a name with their siblings. You can change the names unofficially with school and GP etc without ex husband knowing.

Well just tell him that if he doesn’t facilitate it, you’ll be keeping Jones and the new baby will be Jones brown. See which option he likes less but tell him it IS going to be one of them.

How old are your children with your ExH? They can change their names without his permission when they are old enough if they want. Sorry that doesn't help much. I'd personally go with whatever you would like your new baby's name to be if the children were able to hyphenate their names.

Same as @Theclearing

If I ever get divorced and have other kids I will be keeping my married name and double barrelling any new childrens.

Dont care if new partner wouldn't be happy with it. I refuse to have a different name to my children and for them to have different ones. My married name is now my name. My maiden name is dead to me basically now 🤷

I am really unclear about why you have two identities and what your legal name is. I assume it is Jones, since that's on your passport. In any case, your legal name is the name you should use on the new child's birth certificate.

To me it seems bonkers to give your new child your ex's surname. It's fine for your children not to all have the same surname.

I had a double barrelled name which was my mums previous married name so I shared that with my older brother & sister then my dads

So for example my mum and siblings were peters and I was Peters-Arnold

If you keep Jones then it’s fine.

@bridgetrielly lots of professional women use two names and don't actually change their passports and driving licences. One of my sisters' does and so does a friend of mine.

However in both their cases they are only having children with one partner as they got married late so they simply gave their children his last name.

OP I know you want your children to have the same lastname but it really isn't a problem for them having different names. I have half and step siblings I've grown up with who have different lastnames to myself. In the case of the boys I have always loved seeing people's confusion when I state my brothers' have a different lastname. One of these brothers' use to collect me from school and attend some medical appointments with me as he was an adult.

I think it would be weird for your DP.

I would tell your ex your plans for the name, and hopefully he’ll reconsider.