Naming new baby

[justchecking1]

(All names are examples only, obviously)

My maiden name is Smith. Both my children have their fathers name, Jones. We married after they were born and I mainly kept my maiden name apart from on my passport and driving license and for things to do with their school, for which I am Jones.

We are now divorced. I have asked exDH to consider double barrelling their names to Smith-Jones or Jones-Smith so I can completely go back to my maiden name, but he has point blank refused.

I am now expecting a new baby with DP, whose name is Brown. I have readdressed the double barrelling with exDH in light of this (although haven't told him I'm pregnant) but he's still adamant he won't. I still have Jones on my passport, etc, although never use it other than that.

Would it BU to call new baby Jones-Brown? The association with my ex doesn't bother me and it would mean there was a link in names to my existing children which is what I really want. Clearly this is likely to piss off exDH but he can't have it all ways. I haven't mentioned this as a possibility to him yet as he's likely to go a bit nuts, while still refusing to double barrel, so there doesn't seem much point rocking the boat yet.

If I did this, could I go down as Ms Smith on the birth certificate, with Mr Brown named as father and the child as Jones-Brown? Or would I have to go down as Jones?

Can anyone think of a better solution?!

You want them to feel like "proper" siblings. Isn't that what they are??

My dB has my mum's maiden surname (let's say smith) I have my dad's (let's say Jones) and my sister has her dad's who is a brown. So smith, Jones and brown in names, but we were always "proper" siblings. Never bothered with saying half siblings and what not, as far as we kids were concerned we were siblings and proper ones.

Maybe it would be best to just tell exDH my plan and see if he reconsiders. Pretty sure he won't though.

Thanks all, good for thought

This is what happens when women regard a surname as something you just...redecorate from time to time depending on who you're in a relationship with.

You changed your name to your first husbands and gave the kids that name because you (apparently) all had to match. Then you divorced and wanted your old name because...it used to be important to have the same name as your kids but suddenly it wasn't any more? Anyway, at that point you decided that double barrelling was the solution. Now your having a child with a new person, and you're trying desperately to find a way to make all three surnames line up so that you are all overlapping in some Venn diagram of surnames.

Jeez.

My advice? Decide what name you actually want to go by. Give this name to your children, along with their father's, if you so desire. Give up on the idea that you ought to change up these names from time to time because you're bored /divorced /in a new relationship.

Bit harsh finewords.

Would love to give the name I want to go by to my children, @FineWordsForAPorcupine, but as I've said exDH isn't playing ball

(Am loving the Venn Diagram analogy though, that's exactly what I'm trying to do 😆)