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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider another baby

50 replies

NCforThisO1 · 06/05/2019 15:08

My partner isn't keen on the idea right now but would likely consider it in a year or two.

We have children already and one is still a baby but I cannot get a 4th child out of my head Blush it consumes most of my waking thoughts.

Especially as I'm having a hard time with contraception. Due to having c sections before this would be the absolute last one, so no matter how strong the urge it wouldn't be medically safe and I would seriously consider sterilisation.

But I have not long gone back to work, I was doing 48hr shifts but I can't handle that and so cut it right back to 25. My partner works 38hr shifts but his contract is due to end in October. And we have so many dreams of taking the children abroad and seeing many places etc. I feel torn even though its not really a decision I need to be making right now!!

We are already in a 3 bed house so no matter the gender/sex of the baby they'd end up sharing. Neither of us drive so bigger car not needed.

Do I just need to give my head wobble?!! What is wrong with me!!

OP posts:
Mumofone1593 · 06/05/2019 15:13

The smart choice would be to wait til your husband finds another job when his contract runs out as if you aren't able to manage more than part time and he isn't working it will be hard to have a larger family. BUT it could take years to get pregnant and everyone always says there is never a right time? I would make sure your husband wants one first though as it won't be an enjoyable pregnancy if you are the only one wanting this next baby.

ThatSnailOnYourFrontStep · 06/05/2019 15:17

Nope, sounds stupid to me. I do sympathise though, I'd love another, but it would be an equally stupid idea for quite a few reasons. The more babies you have, the more your resources are stretched, and it sounds like four would be spreading it thin for you. I think sometimes, as a fertile woman, you never feel done.

Original poster
NCforThisO1 · 06/05/2019 15:17

I know it would be, we had three kids and had to survive on what UC gave us which wasn't much fun at all.
I am hoping he finds something but it took him two years to find his current job!!

We are able to manage more than PT but its childcare of the children we would struggle with.

I'm due my next injection and everybody is making me worried with saying it would take years, although I know this isn't always the case but certainly seems like a high possibility.

I wonder (no offence meant to anybody here) but I wonder if there is a possible bit of PND? Why can't I just be satisfied with my current children? Why do I always want more, more more!!

OP posts:
Original poster
NCforThisO1 · 06/05/2019 15:19

Well come next August the children's nursery hours would go up to 30, meaning looking after another baby would be easier with them out the house most the day.

My head is a jumble. I really want to shelve the idea but just can't seem to!
I was done when she (my youngest) was born but now I just have a massive urge and need to wind it in!

OP posts:
ThatSnailOnYourFrontStep · 06/05/2019 15:20

It's not PND for me, but I think it's definitely linked to emotions surrounding pregnancy and birth for me. I had a traumatic time with my first, and difficulty conceiving subsequently, and there's an element of always searching for that healing/perfect experience. But nothing changes the past,i could have six babies and the feelings will remain until I get over them myself.

shirleyschmidt · 06/05/2019 15:20

Never unreasonable to feel broody but it seems like you'd be adding an awful lot of pressure to your family if you have 3 kids already including a baby, and have already scaled down your work hours due to the intensity of it all.

With your reduced hours and DH's contract coming to an end would you be financially secure enough to add another child to the mix, especially if you'd like to take everyone abroad etc?

Finally, if the medical issues are such that you'd take the step of sterilization afterwards, I would think hard about the risk to your own health.

There doesn't seem any reason to rule it out, but I would definitely wait a while and see how things go. Maybe you're disillusioned with your job and crave the lifestyle that comes with maternity leave?

Original poster
NCforThisO1 · 06/05/2019 15:26

Honestly life isn't actually that hard, it sounds quite high pressured but I love it!

The only reason I had to cut my hours down was because it affected my partner going to work (he starts at 4pm) I'd just be finishing at that time.

I only want to be sterilized because I am sick of contraception. Everything makes me bleed or gives me migraines, I can't take much more of it!!

I still feel like I'm on maternity leave tbh Grin I'm always sitting around quite bored!

Deep down I know another baby would be hard (4 kids will always be hard right?!) So I don't know why I'm craving it so much. I definitely want time to just be a family of 5, ditch the double pram and watch them grow. I don't want to be stretched even more but at the same time, I dooo

OP posts:
ThatSnailOnYourFrontStep · 06/05/2019 15:31

How old is your youngest? If they're still pre toddler, you might find that the idea of a fourth dissolves rapidly once they get a bit older and stroppier. In your shoes I think I'd wait and give myself another year to eighteen months before making a decision. See how things go with DH's work first.

formerbabe · 06/05/2019 15:32

I wouldn't. No car and a three bed house sounds awfully hard with four children.

formerbabe · 06/05/2019 15:33

I'm always sitting around quite bored!

You have three kids and you sit round bored?! Please tell me your secret!

MaudebeGonne · 06/05/2019 15:34

Could you not use condoms? They are pretty effective and won't cause either migraines or bleeding.

bamboofibre · 06/05/2019 15:34

Quit whilst you're ahead. No car and 4 kids sounds dire.

Original poster
NCforThisO1 · 06/05/2019 15:37

She's almost 9 months,
Is there a contraception any of you recommend then? I've tried the main ones but they are horrid and I'm not keen on coils/female condoms or the like!

We've never had a car so can't miss what you've not had! Lol. My partner grew up in a 3 bed house with 4 children so it is possible, (difficult maybe? As everybody gets older) but we do have 2 bathrooms and a smallish dining room so it is on the bigger side already!!

I'm sat infront of the TV watching gavin and stacey. Have been here for an hour Grin older two are outside playing and youngest is asleep!!

OP posts:
formerbabe · 06/05/2019 15:38

I've only got two and the laundry alone means I'm never bored!

Original poster
NCforThisO1 · 06/05/2019 15:39

Condoms are such a common one that gets mentioned and I have posted about this before but my DP loses his erection with them!
(Probably why they are a good contraception 😅) have tried various brands and it's the same.

OP posts:
Original poster
NCforThisO1 · 06/05/2019 15:39

We are tinks Grin I never do more than 2 loads a week 😅

OP posts:
Original poster
NCforThisO1 · 06/05/2019 15:41

Deep down I know you're all right, a 4th would stretch us right now and it's only fair to give as much time to our younger ones as possible. Maybe I need a hobby 😅

OP posts:
formerbabe · 06/05/2019 15:44

2 loads a week for a family of five Shock

I do two three loads a day and theres four of us.

Original poster
NCforThisO1 · 06/05/2019 15:51

Oh wow! That sounds so extreme to me!
I have a friend who only has 1 baby and she does 3 or 4 loads a day Shock

OP posts:
Thesearmsofmine · 06/05/2019 15:54

How do you wash so little? There is five of us and I do a wash a day, bedding and towels are a couple of washes a week plus swimming stuff, one sons rugby stuff and then clothes.

outvoid · 06/05/2019 15:56

Condoms do get mentioned lots and realistically, married/long term couples do not want to have to consider using condoms... It’s just not realistic.

I understand completely OP. I have four DC and youngest is six months old. I know he was the final baby for us but I feel broody as hell, it doesn’t help that DP is equally broody... It’s crazy because we are completely besotted with the DC we already have and one is still a small baby so it makes little sense.

Four children in a three bed isn’t impossible but won’t be pleasant. If you end up with one of a different sex to the others three, for example that will throw up an issue. When your children get older they will also really want their own space.

Prequelle · 06/05/2019 16:00

I would be worried about negatively affecting the quality of life of your other children. A baby always takes focus from the others

SoyDora · 06/05/2019 16:07

2 loads a week?! How do you manage that? We have 3 small children and I do a load a day on weekdays, more at weekends when I do bedding and towels.

SoyDora · 06/05/2019 16:08

Condoms do get mentioned lots and realistically, married/long term couples do not want to have to consider using condoms... It’s just not realistic

We’re a married couple and use condoms! I can’t use hormonal contraception so not a huge amount of choice.

Original poster
NCforThisO1 · 06/05/2019 16:17

I don't like the feel of condoms but would be happy ish to use them if it meant no long bouts of bleeding for me but it's quite embarrassing for my poor DP.
I'm not saying we are at it like rabbits but the whole ordeal of condoms.. just knowing what will happen puts me off!!

Stripping the beds does make a lot of washing but in 1 load all the sheets(the youngest only has a sheet). And maybe even the pillow cases.
The next load the duvet covers and that's it done! But I probably wouldn't wash it straight away and would just leave it, but I suppose if I tried hard enough I'd probably find enough to wash every day but saying that.. because of the nice weather I wanted to find stuff to wash but couldn't fine anything!!

My oldest kid is only 5 so no washing from clubs or anything.. might change as they all get older

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