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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling judged about baby sleep

33 replies

TWISTYBIRD · 06/05/2019 14:27

I had an amazing routine for my son. He is 6 months old and he was falling asleep at 7:30pm, waking up at 6, every day. Suited me! I felt really lucky.

Now, he's teething. Falls asleep whenever he pleases regardless of how rigorously I stick to his bedtime routine. Wakes up chewing his hand at night because his teeth are hurting him. My friend came over and made a comment, saying that I'm creating a rod for my own back 😥 am I? Should I be doing something differently?

He just won't sleep. I feel like the way she did it implied that I had done this. Like I screwed up his sleep. He fell asleep in the day and I was so exhausted I went to sleep with him. Again, she told me I shouldn't let him sleep for so long in the day. But I was exhausted. I had to sleep. It was blissful.

AIBU to feel like I'm doing it all wrong? Single mum to a 6 month old is so hard.

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 06/05/2019 14:29

what did you do wrong? Such a young baby, you follow their lead, the LO is teething. How long was he Napping for?

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 06/05/2019 14:30

You sound like you're doing great, teething is hard and they're bound to be restless and out of routine. Your friend was rude.

Sexnotgender · 06/05/2019 14:31

You’re doing nothing wrong!

Ideally try and not let him nap past 4/5pm but sometimes shit happens.

I’ve currently got a 13 week old asleep on my chest. In an ideal world I wouldn’t let him sleep on me but he was upset as I think he’s getting ill and he wanted comfort and needed to sleep.

Original poster
TWISTYBIRD · 06/05/2019 14:35

I just feel like he should be in a solid routine but he's not even close.

OP posts:
Cornettoninja · 06/05/2019 14:37

Tough times - teething is the worst Flowers

Sticking to the routine as much as possible is good. It might not be working now but you’re imbedding consistency - a little deviation is fine, obviously you have to do what you have to do. You’re doing better than I did!

The best you can do is manage the pain. I found paracetamol alternated with ibuprofen the most effective when teething was at its height. Ibuprofen should be taken after eating something so presuming weaning is going well maybe after tea/supper? And don’t forget to pay attention to the dosage guidelines, especially if you’re sleep deprived, I had a little white board on the fridge I could make a quick note on.

I’ve seen people recommend a teething gel that I can’t remember the name of but I’m sure someone will come along with it soon.

One thing I have deduced is that anyone who utters the words ‘rod for your own back’ is generally a pompous twat who is of no real life help at all so all unwanted opinions can be disregarded without further thought.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 06/05/2019 14:38

My first baby was an amazing sleeper. We flattered ourselves that it was because we had her in a good routine. So we did exactly the same with our second baby and he's a nightmare! Wakes up several times a night and is up for the day by 5am. Sometimes there's just nothing you can do.

Hahaha88 · 06/05/2019 14:39

It's good to have a solid sleeping routine but it's not like you haven't tried that. My lo is much older and I often nap still when they do. But I do try to limit it and not be past 4pm. Re teething have you tried getting an amber teething bracelet? Best thing ever IMO

TurquoiseAndPurple · 06/05/2019 14:44

Don't best yourself up! Ignore the making a rod for your own back comments.

Does he sleep in his pram? Is he breastfed or bottle? Basically is there anything that helps him sleep ie going for a walk?

To get my DD in her (loose) routine I would play with her in the morning and try to tire her out in the jumperoo or whatever. And then I would usually give her a feed at around 10:30 and she would have a sleep. Then same again and go for a walk to get some fresh air. And then a nap again around 2:30. But sometimes the naps are an hour earlier or later than those times.

And then finally we do a bath and bed routine every night. Usually do the bath around 6 or 7 and then she plays with her books once she's in her sleepingbag before going to sleep.

Not sure if I'm being helpful but just thought I'd share what we do. The routine doesn't always work but that's what I aim for.

Yorkshirelady · 06/05/2019 14:45

Just try to stay consistent with the bedtime routine whilst he's going through this tough patch. Try pain relief to take away the pain and try to stay strong. Sounds like you have a really firm foundation for sleep...just just stick at it...teething wont last forever. Good luck

Dualmum · 06/05/2019 14:47

There is no such thing as a solid routine when a baby is teething. When they feel pain they're going to wake up and try and seek comfort whatever time of the day they need to. Don't beat yourself up about this. Eventually the teething will subside and he'll get back into a routine. I used teething gel (dentinox or bongela for babies) for both of my little ones when they went through teething and it helped them and myself a lot.

Cornettoninja · 06/05/2019 14:47

I just feel like he should be in a solid routine but he's not even close

Do you know what I regret most about my dd’s first year? Battling against who she was when it came to sleep. Her sleep was dreadful and nothing (and I do mean nothing, I research extensively and spent £££’s) worked. The pressure from others didn’t help but ultimately it was the pressure I put on myself that was so utterly soul destroying.

At this point in time you are doing exactly what your baby needs you to do. It happens that sometimes what your child needs doesn’t fit with what’s in the books or other people’s expectations - that doesn’t matter because you are the one dealing with it.

Parenting is a work in progress, not a finished project.

ethelfleda · 06/05/2019 14:48

She is talking bollocks, OP. If he was a good sleeper before he may well go back to that again after teething. All babies are different. My 18 month old has just finished a horrendous few nights of teething molars and we let him sleep when he is tired! Poor thing has been up most of the night, he needs rest and sleep whenever he can! And yes that’s on either me, or his Dad or in bed with me AND I still breastfeed him to sleep sometimes. Judge away Grin
You’re doing a great job Flowers

Louiselouie0890 · 06/05/2019 14:49

He's 6 months old, tell her to jog on

OwlPrincess · 06/05/2019 14:49

I have a nearly 5 month old and hate the 'rod for your own back' comments but am happy to ignore them.
He's also teething and is currently asleep in my arms. He's not sleeping well on his own and is getting overtired and upset. If this is how he'll get some sleep for now then so be it. You do what works for you. They're only small for such a short time and whatever works to comfort them and get you the sleep you need is definitely best!
Some brilliant advice on here and I'll definitely be trying the suggestions.

RedSheep73 · 06/05/2019 14:50

If you had a good routine at 6m, then you were amazingly lucky. My dcs didn't get anywhere close until 12m. I think you are expecting too much too soon tbh.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 06/05/2019 14:51

You have a solid routine, and are flexible when it comes to your child being sore or needing to have a cuddle/Calpol or is restless.

Fwiw I don't see the problem with the way you're doing things, it's how I did it and it worked for my mob.

There's always someone prepared to seagull your parenting choices (swoop in, make lots of noise, drop shit and swoop off again). She's an arse.

Cornettoninja · 06/05/2019 16:09

seagull your parenting choices (swoop in, make lots of noise, drop shit and swoop off again)

GrinGrin

Chocolate35 · 06/05/2019 16:16

Ignore those totally unhelpful, irritating comments. With my first we didn’t get into a routine for ages, we didn’t need to. Yes, if they sleep late in the afternoon it’s much harder to get them to sleep early evening but sometimes you just need to survive and if that means sleeping at random times then do that. Advice can be great so try not to get defensive when someone offers it but ignore the bits you don’t agree with. Do what YOU think is best for YOUR family, every child is different and no one knows your child better than you do.

Hotterthanahotthing · 06/05/2019 16:16

There are no hard and fast rules.You have to do what works for you and your baby.
When my DD was little she would fall asleep in the afternoon,little bum in the air,in the middle of playing,I have up waking her as she was just grumpy.She still slept at night All babies are different and if the routine suited you both then he will probably sleep through when the teething is over.

JagerPlease · 06/05/2019 19:07

Genuinely having to laugh at the concept of someone who had a 6 month old who slept through the night being told they've made a rod for their own back (not a dig at you OP, but at your ridiculous friend). I got told this many a time, but as the parent of a child who (at 2.5) has never slept through, needing hugging or feeding to sleep for about 2 years. And even then, you get told you're making a rod for your own back when you're doing whatever you can to get your child to sleep. When they're teething, or otherwise ill, you do what you need to to comfort them. So ignore ignore ignore

SherlockSays · 06/05/2019 19:28

My nearly 10 month old isn't even in a solid routine - she went to sleep at 10.30 the other night because she fell asleep in the car at 6pm Angry

We were in a perfect routine of 7pm bedtime, 6am wake up (not solid sleep though) until the 8 month sleep regression hit. Now she just sleeps when she wants Sad

There is no right or wrong when it comes to baby sleep! You get what you're dealt.

Waveysnail · 06/05/2019 19:55

Meh teething sucks. Anyway you can get through it is the best way. If friend had told me that when mine were tiny I'd sobbed all over (very very sleep deprived).

Cornettoninja · 06/05/2019 20:07

My nearly 10 month old isn't even in a solid routine

I’m a couple of years off 40 and still not in a solid routine!! I have little hope left for dd’s natural tendencies now...

Redken24 · 06/05/2019 20:11

Teething is the worst. Just do what you have to do to get through the day when it's really bad. I absolutely hate that phrase about the rod.
If your child is in pain then not a lot you can do but ride it out. It will get better! And still small for a set routine - just nod and smile next time they offer advice. X

Mississippilessly · 06/05/2019 20:21

Tell her to jog on. It's this bollocks that makes life hard. My DS is nearly 8 months. We are sleep training him because sleep is shit. Before we did this I got all there for your own back comments. Now we are doing it I'm getting all the 'terribly cruel' comments. Cant win.

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