To tell him to tell her or I will?

[isobel93]

So name change in case of YNW.
I really need advice. In January, my DP's best friend split from my best friend after 11 years. I am friends with both of them still, but feel that ultimately my loyalties are with her when it comes down to it. He was a bit of a masoginistic arsehole to her for the last few years they've been together. Emotional blackmail and shite like that. They have two beautiful kiddos, whom we look after a lot.

Last night, the bloke got pissed (I remember it all because I am 6 mths pregnant so I was the designated driver) and told me he slept with the ex's best friend. Who she has now moved across the road from. He got annoyed at me then because I wasn't telling him it was okay and she wouldn't care...
They are like sisters. She had been slightly paranoid a few weeks back when she heard they were at a party together and asked them both were they with eachother to which they replied absolutely no, never in a million years would they do that to her.
They lied.
I'm now minding the kids today, while she is working, she arrived this morning after being with said best friend last night 'having great craic' and I feel like a horrible person because I am stuck in the middle of the two.
Was IBU last night to tell him to tell her or else I will??
What do I do??? PLEASE HELP.
Note: I am not close to this other one, have always felt she was a bit of a snake.

Hope he tells her op, otherwise you should. She's onto it already and they lied. Fine if it was one off and they kept it to themselves, but now he's bragging about it and she's still taking confidences. He didn't just tell you, he told your other friend as well. He's a complete arse and your friend will want to know about the ow too.

I would give them a swerve in future, just support your friend. Dh can do as he likes

Theres been a suggestion that you tell your mate that you've been told this, that you don't know if it's true but you think she should know.

That's fair, and if your mate would tell you on principle if the situation was reversed, then you have your answer. Put your mate ahead of the ex, and the friend.

Thanks for all the replies and advice. My heart says tell her. I hate to think how it will unravel her new life a little bit if and when I do though, she's just moved into that place although it's across the road from said best friend, but she's moving on with her life and getting her independence back. I'm going to put a massive dent in that now by telling her. If I don't it'll eat me up. DP says I should tell him tell her or I will. And he'll have my back when shit hits the fan.
But it's the shit hitting the fan I'm afraid of. Either way I'm up shit creek

You won't be up shit creek my lovely either way you need to do the right thing in my opinion, you will be thrown under the bus when it does come out do, you are being an honourable person by telling her the truth

Similar happened to my friend. It was awful. Her best friend didn’t just sleep with him they had a full affair (BF was married and all 4 had been close friends). My friend split up with her DH for other reasons and he was so awful to her she got a restraining order on him - clearly her BF thought this was attractive

BF and the ex are now married
But my friend was so devastated as it felt like such a huge betrayal of her friend she will never get over it. Her DC have to now call the ex friend step mother!

Tell her. For sure

Tell her as soon as you can. It will undoubtedly come out and he will make sure she knows you knew. You will lose a friend if you keep quiet and hurt for even more.

Well, I bet on that he did not actually sleep with this woman, but knows very well that it is someone who is dear to his ex and provides a lot of emotional support, and that you will necessarily tell her.
Has it occurred to you that he might have been lying?

Update- I told her. And shit has hit the fan. She actually came in while I was in the middle of a full on whinge in the kitchen because I knew I'd to tell her.

Most of ye were right, she could not give a bollox about him, frankly is not surprised but she is deeply hurt by the friend. He phoned me drunk to tell me he made it up to test our loyalty (though he clearly knows how close me and the ex are) AFTER the friend admitted it to his ex. Clearly communication between them wasn't on par. Another one of her best mates knew and never said anything either so she has lost two in this whole process. Who needs enemies when you've friends like this eh?
She told me if I had have held out on telling her and it came out later on, I would have been another lost friendship. I did the right thing, my friends mean the bloody world to me, but I feel extremely bad for upsetting her life as she was has just moved into new house, felt like she was starting a new chapter etc. This shit sucks but by god if my mates knew something like this about me I would want to know.
There is nothing I despise more than sneakiness.. it's a horrible trait to have.
Thanks again for the support, I'd like to have a bunch of friends like yourselves.

Well done OP. That was a tough call but in this case thankfully the right one.

You did the right thing.

It's going to hurt her however she knows she can trust you. You did the best thing for her even though you knew it would hurt her. You put her first and you didn't hide anything from her.

I know you'll be there for her, she's really lucky to have a friend like you.

She's lucky to have you. And she is going to need your support now. But she'll get through it and be better for it. She doesn't need that shitty friend anyway when she's got the likes of you.