To be considering being teetotal?

[chipstickcrisps]

I attended a friend's' do yesterday without my dh and while l wasn't the worst I've ever been I certainly partook in far too many vinos. Wine and I have a complicated relationship and while sometimes I can have a few glasses and be totally fine, sometimes it'll hit me like a brick wall and I'll become a sloppy mess. My husband usually (by my request) keeps an eye on me but I have a tendency (particularly with wine) to get snippy with him when I've had a bit to drink. I always end up feeling awful about it as it's very undeserved.

Woke up this morning with "the shame" and while I think that's more the depressive effects of alcohol rather than my actions, I'm once again wondering if drinking is really worth it.

As not to drip feed, I grew up with a severely alcoholic mum. The town drunk as she was referred to. And now my dad is a full blown alcoholic as well. My own relationship with alcohol is complicated as well where I'll go for months without drinking and then have an event where I just end up going overboard. A lot of my "shameovers" are usually me panicking that I'm becoming my parents etc.

I can function without alcohol happily, but there's certainly the social pressure from friends and family to drink.

Has anybody completely dropped alcohol? How have you dealt with the "oh just have one!", "are you pregnant?", "don't be so boring!" Type comments?

Whilst I'm not teetotal I can count on one hand how often I drink in a year. I used to really enjoy a drink but now I'm just not bothered.
As for the pressurefrom other to drink, I don't find it a problem. If you make a big song and dance about it then people comment but usually no one notices whether you're drinking and if they do you just say I don't feel like it. Most of my friends and family are well used to it from me now.

And The fact you're aware this could potentially become a problem tells me you are far from becoming your parents.

If you can’t handle your drink don’t have any. If your friends are pressuring you to drink find friends who aren’t arseholes.

Thank you @FormerlyFrikadela01 that comment means a lot. I think I still associate alcohol with "fun" while the reality is a lot further from the truth. I never drink at home (we bought duty free on our honeymoon that is unopened many years later) but I get so swept up in social events I get carried away and don't realise it until it's too late. I used to be the girl that the time bell would go and I'd buy lots of drinks to chug and then be wittering on about after-parties etc.

I definitely think maybe dropping alcohol at social events and having the occasional drink at home with my husband at Christmas may be the best thing to do.

It's mostly my sister @BogglesGoggles. She says "oh! Are you not drinking? You're making me feel guilty!" She has said in the past she probably drinks a bit too much and her husband doesn't like it. I know what she means but at the same time it's no excuse. We went for a bbq recently and she was beside herself with joy my dh was having a drink because we usually drive and she kept bringing him more beers etc. Kind of reminded me of my mum who always wanted people to drink with her etc.

If your friends are pressuring you to drink find friends who aren’t arseholes

This.

If you say "partook in too many vinos" then definitely pack it in, you sound like bloody David Brent and his "el vino collapso"

You're minimizing by using this stupid cutesey language. It's fucking irritating to read and will not endear you to anyone.

If people are really insisting you drink or can't understand why you aren't, just say your on medication. Though you shouldn't have to! Might shut them up though.

I went from drinking just about every night to hardly touching it. Good luck! If I can do it, you can!

*you're on medication

@livefornaps noted!

I think I'll give it a bit of a shot. Bugger if anybody asks. And pps are right, not good friends if they try and encourage you to drink.

I stopped drinking nearly three years ago.

Like you I probably had the start of a problem.

Woke up one day and just thought 'I don't like this anymore'. It takes people about 6 months to get over the fact you don't want a drink. Then they love you because you are always the designated driver and you never have to buy a round again !

Alcohol for a lot of people is a mask, so where I am naturally reserved (if opinionated ), alcohol made me much more sociable. Now I tend to just stick to small groups, I never was particularly fond of parties.

I do like pub culture, so Im always around alcohol.

I stopped drinking alcohol apart from a glass of champagne once a year at christmas or new year. It's been seven years and I haven't looked back. Social events can be tough, but I am simply very honest with people and say I don't drink alcohol and that's it. If they pull the "but I feel guilty about it if you don't drink" crap tell them that maybe they should consider stopping as well if they aren't enjoying it. Nobody should be pressurising you to drink if you don't want to.

Honestly the hardest thing was getting the hang of dancing sober, but once I cracked that one I was fine.

Hi OP, I am teetotal and have been for years.

I often see friends who decide to give up drink for a few weeks or who are having a night off the drink coming under pressure from friends to drink. But I never get that because I say I don't drink and they leave it at that so it does deal with the peer pressure element.

If you are used to drinking, it can take a while to get used to the lack of social lubrication but you get used to it and learn to relax without it.

Alcohol lowers your inhibitions so you just have to do that yourself. Or not have any like me. :-) I have had people confiscate my car keys several times because they don't believe I haven't had anything to drink.

YANBU to give up, OP. The fact that it seems such a momentous thing, to stop drinking alcohol, shows what a messed up relationship our society has with it! I'm thinking of giving up altogether too. I don't often drink much any more, but every time I do drink a bit much I always regret it, and I just think I'd be happier and healthier quitting altogether.

I don't drink, it's never been a problem amongst friends. They know I dislike it due to the health effects it causes and it's no different to not smoking. Anybody who pressures friends to do either wouldn be friends for much longer.

I haven't drunk for almost twenty years now. Never bothered me that much to drink and a change in circumstances just meant I couldn't for a while and then never went back to it. There were times when DC were young that I used to think 'if only!' but never any in the house and also, alcohol is never going to help a time like that. When I was younger (pre DC) people sometimes asked or assumed I would be drinking. I just used to say 'I'm not drinking' or 'I'm not drinking tonight' or 'I'm not in the mood today' or 'I've got something important to do later/tomorrow morning/I'm driving' but usually just 'I'll just have a lemonade, thanks' was enough. Perhaps not nosy friends....at parties it's easy, you have a drink in your hand....ok, harder if you usually drink wine or beer, but otherwise, anything with coke/lemonade/juice can also contain alcohol. Even half a glass of water in a tumbler looks like vodka. Besides, most people after a couple of drinks really don't give much of a toss about other people or notice much detail which you will notice when you stop drinking. The other thing is accepting the wine glass, chatting but not drinking it, then putting it down to go to the loo, then not taking it back, or leaving that group of people with the wine then putting it down somewhere else, or joining another group who won't question you not drinking it as they haven't seen you already not drinking it for ten mins. If anyone asks, then fall back on the 'oh, it's Sarah's, I was just left holding it when she went to the loo'. Anyway, not drinking is easy, but don't expect stopping the habit it easy, if that makes sense. Be patient and put in some practise at not drinking. But, there are some tips to help you, I hope . I have no issue not drinking, or, if pushed, explaining why, but I have used some of those in situations when it makes it easier - I am not going to be the one person at a wedding toast not holding the champagne or there have been some work dos that have meant that not holding the proffered wine would cause more distraction than I wanted. Good luck and good decision x

I'm 27 and I haven't had a drink of alcohol for about 6 years now . Best thing I've ever done . So much healthier for it and I realised it didn't make me happy and it was more expense and trouble than it was worth . I'm much more of a comfy pjs, soaps and munchies type of girl now . I used to go out all the time partying , been there done that got the T-shirt as the saying goes . I had kids got married and realised there's more to life and it just didn't make me happy : that's a personal choice . I have friends who drink and enjoy a glass of wine of an evening . I made the choice to give up but I also don't see the issue in people having a drink either x

We have bottles of wine in the house that are probably 5 years old. Someone bought us champagne when we moved house 7 years ago. I have a bottle of Bailey's we got one Christmas that has remained unopened and has gone out of date. I occasionally have a drink,but maybe once or twice a year, and it really will be one or two glasses. I don't miss not having it .

I'm teetotal, DP has the odd beer here and there (one, maybe two. His own choice not my restrictions!). .

I don't understand the weird pressure people put on us to drink. My not drinking doesn't affect anyone else, I'm teetotal because I don't like being drunk and I really don't like being out of control.

If someone is pressuring you to drink that's their issue, not yours and I'd say so.

alcohol is no great deal, you like or you don't, i don't see the point of going out to get hammered. my ex dh was an alkie and that was hard enough, personally i like the odd craft ale but wouldn't give you a thank for the prosesco type shite, very over rated.
nothing wrong with being teetotal, at least you remember stuff and less likely to make a complete tit of yourself.

My DH went teetotal years ago after his drinking caused an accident.

He was concerned about the pressure from peers ( he was in the Army and drinking is a big part of the culture). I told him to say he had a stomach ulcer and the doctor had warned him not to drink. He started saying that, and presto ! Nobody pressured him any more. Years later he still doesn't drink and nobody says a thing.

If your sister has a problem with other people not drinking, that really is her problem, isn't it?

I'm thinking the same. I don't need it, can go days without, then when i do, I don't have an off button. Two drinks is the limit, but I can never stick to it.

Read This Naked Mind by Annie Grace or the Unexpected Joy of Being sober by Catherine Grey.

The fact that it seems such a momentous thing, to stop drinking alcohol, shows what a messed up relationship our society has with it!

This. Good luck with it OP.

Some really helpful posts here. Thank you so much. I think I'm just going to (quietly) knock it on the head and maybe have a once a year Baileys with my husband on Christmas Day etc. I'll let dh know and might use a vague stomach complaint as a spot of misdirection for other people. In terms of changing my lifestyle I don't think it's going to be a big shift anyway but maybe if I give myself some sort of little reward for any occasion I do without a drink perhaps? The money saved from not buying a double g&t etc. I'll also be able to avoid any accidental cheeky cigarettes as well that tend to go hand-in-hand as well.

It's so daft that as a society it is such a big thing. I'll definitely check those books out as well.

Ah...that’s different, my mother used to do that too (also an alcoholic). She did it to me several times in restaurants when I was well under legal drinking age. I don’t really have any good advice there. Maybe lie and say you are taking medication?