To let her open gifts at party?

[Gertruude]

Posting here for traffic really as I'm unsure as to whether this is an etiquette thing or just personal preference.

My DD is having a party for her 4th birthday soon. We've been to three of her friends party's this year & 2/3 took gifts & said thank you but didn't open them in front of guests, they took them home. Personally I found this strange as 1) it's nice for ppl to see their gifts opened/enjoyed 2) it feels cruel to make a child wait so long as they're so excited about opening them.

Am I missing an etiquette thing if I let my DD open her gifts at the party? Of course, we do a lot of prep on how to graciously receive a gift so she's polite & grateful when she opens them!

TiA

I wouldn't, all parties we have done and been to have been taken home to open. Would open up judgement between parents in my eyes, and what if someone couldn't afford more than a bag of sweets or poundland book (perfectly fine to do), they would maybe feel uncomfortable having theirs opened alongside someone spending £20 or so.

Open them at home. Let the kids play at the party rather than watching your DD open gifts

Mine always open them. Usually as soon as they are given (so in dribs and drabs). That way the child gets to see how happy my child is, but without a huge crowd around them.

Where I am (Paris) it's more usual to keep them back and have a big opening ceremony after the cake but before the end of the party.

I'd never thought about a child being embarassed before although at my DS' 7th party, one lovely lad who is a bit out of the loop/gang gave a present that another boy declared loudly to be "rubbish and out of fashion". Fortunately DS said thank you he loved it and opened it immediately to play with it (I don't usually let him do that but I made an exception).

oh but here the parties are usually max 10 children so it's not like they're opening 30 odd present in front of everyone.

Mine open them at home, so do all their friends.

Also kids fight over having a turn opening them
They also become ‘stuff to play with’ as kids will want to open the play doh and colouring pens

I think it’s best to open at home...as mentioned above takes away the judgement and it’s boring for other children to watch presents being opened.

The other children will not be the slightest bit interested in watching your DD open a pile of presents. Or having to queue to get in whilst waiting for DD to open the presents of those who arrived before them.

I would always take them home, and let the child open them in their own time at home.

If it is a party in the house I let them open stuff as it's nice to see people open their gift (for the adults probably dull for the other children).
If it is a 2 hour time slot at soft play I wouldn't open anything as it wastes her party time, she cant open them and play with them properly and bits might go missing. Also it's a bit antisocial to sit opening your toys rather than playing with guests.
I have never seen a child upset they cant open their presents they are enjoying the party and playing and then it's another couple of hours of fun afterwards opening when they get home.

Sorry I might be the minority but I hate it when people open presents at a party in front of everyone!

Open after the party and give out thank you letters. I agree with the points about judging.

Never been to a party where presents have been opened in front of everyone. Seems like an odd thing to do.

Here we take them home and open them after the party.
if the party is in the house, usually one or two gifts are opened straight away from the kids who've arrived first/before party has properly started.A bit unfair for the other childem to wait around doing nothing while your child opens all their gifts at the party

I've never seen them.opened at the party.

And we have always opened at home so we can make a note of who gave what for the thank you cards.

Nope definitely at home. If family at the party and want to see her open her presents maybe invite them for a cofffee and cake.
Opening presents in front of other kids is a bit mean to be honest they can look but not touch, IME four year olds Will just want to dive in and play with everything then cry when they're not allowed.

Take them home! I have never seen a child open gifts at their party over 10 years and 3 dc!

We do it at home here too. For me, it’s incase the birthday child declares that they dislike something or already have something they have opened.

you do what you want, I can only say that I have never seen anyone opening gifts during the party.

I find it much better to keep them private, not to embarrass a family that might have bought a cheap bit from poundland whilst the best friend has bought a very expensive gift.

Kids are far too busy with the actual party which already goes super quickly, so that sound like a waste of time. Birthday child would be too excited, friends would be bored, and possibly jealous if they didn't get so many nice gifts themselves. Not everybody has similar budgets.

It's also nice to have some quiet time at home and enjoy opening the gifts after whilst their friends do the same with their party bags. It makes the birthday day last longer, you have time to take note of the names to do the thank you cards, and they can play quietly with their toys.

If you mean the family party, then that's different, my kids always open their gifts then.
just never when it's the friends party - we always have at least 2 separate ones!

I’m quite a stickler for having my DC open their gifts from relations or family friends when they are given eg grandparents, aunties, etc. However those people tend to visit DC for their birthdays and I feel it’s nice for them to see their faces as they open the gift even if it’s a few days before birthday. My SIL won’t let my DN open any gifts even when I’ve made a special trip to visit them. I’ve never seen him open a single gift I’ve carefully chosen for him and that is a little sad. So that gives you an idea of my “gift opening” thoughts. HOWEVER I would never ever let my child sit and open gifts at a party for friends/classmates!! I’ve never seen it down and I’d hate to have my DC have to sit and watch that. It’s so boring for them and could cause bad feeling in the children/parents eg if they feel their gift isn’t as “good” as Xs, they didn’t spend as much etx. All non-issues but as a parent I’d be comparing my gift to others and judging myself and feeling lacking. It’s boring for the children too - what 5 year old wants to watch other children receiving amazing toys and then walk away?? Just let your child enjoy their party with friends. The time to open gifts is at home later unless it’s a very small party of less than 5 children and you have a nice party bag for the guests.

There's usually no time. Plus it's easier to keep track of at home.

Thanks for the responses. Totally get what posters are saying about saving embarrassment, would hate for any guests to feel uncomfortable.

The party is at home & only 7/8 kids coming. 4 friends from nursery & the rest cousins (so likely max 4/5 gifts total). I hadn't envisaged a big opening presents time as yes that would be boring for guests & too much pressure for my DD. Just that as ppl arrived & passed over gift/card DD could open them, so a trickle of gifts & some could be left for after, rather than put them all to one side. Seems like that's the status quo tho so will talk to DD about doing that

If the gifts are Lego etc. all the pieces will get mixed up/lost at the party. Ditto with pens/paints/felt tips.

And yes I've got some lovely party bags for all the kids!

We’ve always waited until the party was over and opened them at leisure. Mostly because parties are hectic enough without squeezing in unwrapping 10 or 20 gifts and disposing of the wrappings but it also avoids any potential awkwardness that might occur if (for example) 4 people have given the same gift or one person has spent £25 and someone else £3 etc.