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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

More of a WWYD than AIBU. Screaming row next door.

64 replies

supersop60 · 06/05/2019 09:30

Next door (other side of DD's bedroom) is an HMO.
This morning, and not for the first time, my DD came rushing to tell me that a couple next door were having a screaming row and that she could hear things being smashed.
So my question is - do I go round? call the police? wait till I see her outside and ask if she's ok?
The man was definitely the louder and more aggressive one, and anytime I heard her voice, he'd shout back much louder and more aggressively.
If you were the neighbour - what would you want me to do?
I'm hesitating because I called the police on another neighbour about two years ago when I could hear the wife screaming in pain. The H gave a load of PA abuse when the police turned up.

OP posts:

ravenmum · 06/05/2019 14:31

It isn't even that you want to call the police. Would you really want to be the one who says to reporters "Well, I heard some screaming, but I didn't think it was that serious"? And at night, could you really just go to sleep while someone's potentially being strangled - roll over and put in some earplugs, or what?

Really not fair to force your neighbours into that position, and then accuse them of being nosey if they go for the safer option.

User18947268 · 06/05/2019 14:49

It's good your neighbours called the police, in future, please don't hesitate. I lived in a very thin walled flat and we saw the neighbours boyfriend dragging her out by her hair after a loud argument. We called the police but she sent them away and pretended it was her nephew. Then it was my turn. My ex was always very quiet on arguing but I screamed for him to get away from me, so maybe through the walls it sounded like it was me causing the argument. But I was the one being punched and thrown across the room. I wish someone had called the police for me so I wouldn't be too scared to leave because I was made to feel so worthless.

BasiliskStare · 06/05/2019 16:54

I took a young woman to hospital who was on the pavement having been kicked repeatedly by an ex partner. ( She did not want intervention - she was scared) I think that it is as well to give the benefit of the doubt to make sure someone is safe. But - I could not leave her in pain in the road.

LadyRannaldini · 06/05/2019 18:15

Her life could be in danger

So could his! Just because his voice is louder doesn't mean he's the aggressor. I don't think they would thank you for butting in.

BertrandRussell · 06/05/2019 18:49

“So could his! Just because his voice is louder doesn't mean he's the aggressor. I don't think they would thank you for butting in.”

Yes, because nearly two men a week are killed by their female domestic partners. Oh wait, no they aren’t......

lyralalala · 06/05/2019 19:01

I don't think they would thank you for butting in.

If they don't want their neighbours to 'butt in' then they should stop involving them in their arguments by making them listen.

BertrandRussell · 06/05/2019 19:02

And I bet the man doesn’t want anyone “butting in”......

Abbazed · 06/05/2019 19:11

Was you don't smash stuff do ya

SouthernComforts · 06/05/2019 19:16

My friend overheard her neighbours rowing quite often. A couple of weeks ago he stabbed her to death in front of her children. So from now on I will always phone the police.

Laiste · 06/05/2019 19:27

All this 'mind your business' and 'don't butt in' crap

If anyone reading here is perfectly happy to have screaming matches with their partner and wants to be left to it ...

have a bit of consideration for children having to listen to that horrible shit - Your own kids or any next door.

I'd call the bloody police on you for acting like a selfish anti social wanker.

BasiliskStare · 06/05/2019 19:28

It is hard ( and this was the instance I am talking about , and it was a 24 year old girl) who did not want police or ambulance calling. I and two others persuaded her re ambulance. It was the best we could could do - no-one around and not in her house / flat or nearby , according to her , but address checked out ,
, on the pavement no where near her home. He had followed her but she would not say a word about him ( OK her story) but we did get follow up phone calls from social services once she had been admitted to A&E. So sad.

Jiggles101 · 06/05/2019 19:32

If the police come out it'll likely be presented at the next MARAC and local IDVA services (Women's aid or other) will be actioned to contact her.

Indie139 · 07/05/2019 08:47

I had the same thing the other day. Ive been living here a year and NEVER hear my neughbours voices. One night around 1am i heard a man and woman screaming at eachother and lots of tumbling around. Sounded like there was a 3rd person there aswell (they do have a teenage son though). Just as i was about to call the police it went completely silent. So i left it..(in hindsight though i probably shouldve still called). I saw them a few days later and they seemed normal with eachother. Havent heard anything since and this was months ago. I wouldnt go round..id say ring police though even if its 111

insecure123 · 07/05/2019 09:12

Call the police. I remember being locked in my Ex's house several times and being abused in some horrific ways and screaming for help in the hope one of the neighbours would get me help. Help never came.

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