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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

More of a WWYD than AIBU. Screaming row next door.

64 replies

supersop60 · 06/05/2019 09:30

Next door (other side of DD's bedroom) is an HMO.
This morning, and not for the first time, my DD came rushing to tell me that a couple next door were having a screaming row and that she could hear things being smashed.
So my question is - do I go round? call the police? wait till I see her outside and ask if she's ok?
The man was definitely the louder and more aggressive one, and anytime I heard her voice, he'd shout back much louder and more aggressively.
If you were the neighbour - what would you want me to do?
I'm hesitating because I called the police on another neighbour about two years ago when I could hear the wife screaming in pain. The H gave a load of PA abuse when the police turned up.

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 06/05/2019 10:08

PA = passive aggressive

Yes, call 999

stucknoue · 06/05/2019 10:08

always better to call the police, might be worth calling landlord and also council noise team if it's frequent (any of us could have a one off row but if it's disturbing your quality of life on an ongoing basis you can get help

wellballstoyou · 06/05/2019 10:09

police,especially if theres stuff smashing

00100001 · 06/05/2019 10:10

"I am very happily married.

We sometimes have very loud arguments.

I would not appreciate a nosey neighbour calling the police (though I would be mortified that our argument had been overheard)."

Well, be glad you're not in abusive relationship where the other person is aggressive towards you verbally and or physically and that no-one bothered to call for help for you because they "didn't want to be nosey"

Famalamaringwrong · 06/05/2019 10:10

@Wasabiaddiction

If you have loud arguments and smash things as this situation describes you're not happily married and you deserve to have the police turn up because that is not normal behaviour.

TheQueef · 06/05/2019 10:12

Wasabi that's awesome that you don't suffer violence. Sadly too many do suffer violence for your feelings to be considered.

Originallymeonly · 06/05/2019 10:12

When my ex husband was trying to break my arm and I was screaming, I was very relieved that one of my neighbours called the police. If you're reading this thinking wwyd if it was you (I know the OP situation was resolved) please, call and report.

Passthecherrycoke · 06/05/2019 10:13

999 for a shouting match? I’d go 101 personally. 999 is for a crime in progress or a danger to life or property

MRex · 06/05/2019 10:13

@Wasabiaddiction - a sustained loud argument and things smashing is not a happy marriage. Either you've misread the OP or you don't understand what "happy" means in a relationship.

00100001 · 06/05/2019 10:17

how do you know what level of aggression is going on cherrycoke?
The OP might consider the woman to be in danger of begin hurt by this person.

DistanceCall · 06/05/2019 10:17

We sometimes have very loud arguments.

I would not appreciate a nosey neighbour calling the police (though I would be mortified that our argument had been overheard).

Your neighbour wouldn't be nosy. They would be frightened, or annoyed, or fed up. If you don't want people to call the police, grow up and don't have very loud arguments, or go outside somewhere where no one will hear you. It's unacceptable.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 06/05/2019 10:21

Smashing things isn't considered a danger to someone?

I'd say it indicates a violent loss of control. It certainly isn't normal behaviour or usual behaviour.

ravenmum · 06/05/2019 10:21

I would not appreciate a nosey neighbour calling the police
It wouldn't be a "nosey" neighbour doing it. It would be a concerned fellow human being worried that you miht get actually killed, and that if they didn't call the police they would somehow be implicated. They don't know wtf is going on when they hear yelling.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 06/05/2019 10:22

I would not appreciate a nosey neighbour calling the police

Then control your temper and stop forcing them to listen to your arguments?

Original poster
supersop60 · 06/05/2019 10:25

I'm guessing wasabi that if I'd heard your argument, that you would be giving as much as you were getting.
This morning, one of the things I heard was a loud smash, then an indistinct woman's voice, then a man's voice shouting "Fuck off, I fucking well paid for it!"
That doesn't sound equal to me.

OP posts:
Dippypippy1980 · 06/05/2019 10:30

Wasabiaddiction - everyone argues, but you shouldn’t be screaming at each other so loudly that the neighbours can hear.

As someone who lives next door to a couple who do this it is upsetting - particularly for my young daughter. Your right to argue does not trump your neighbours right to a quiet enjoyment of their home.

whyohwhyowhydididoit · 06/05/2019 10:32

Definitely call 999.

Friends of mine have a very ‘passionate’ relationship. They’ve been together over 40 years and appear to be well matched. Just before Easter they moved into a new flat and after a massive argument they were shocked when the police arrived at the door. Apparently a neighbour had called the police. The two of them were interviewed separately and then the police firmly ‘suggested’ that they did not spend the night under the same roof and drove the husband to his sister’s house nearby.

I tell this story because after the initial annoyance and embarrassment it really made them both think about the argument style they had developed and how aggressive it must have sounded to a stranger on the other side of a brick wall. I don’t know if they will suddenly change but it certainly made them see things differently.

BertrandRussell · 06/05/2019 10:34

My dd was in an abusive relationship. She-and I-would say call the police every time. And if you ever get the opportunity to talk to the woman consider whether you feel able to offer her support. Fine if you don’t feel you can, of course.

fecketyfeck21 · 06/05/2019 10:42

wasabi you sound abit it's my house /garden i'll do what ever i want and sod everyone else. op you are right to be concerned,i would have just phoned though without second thought especially if things were being smashed as well.your poor dd.

TheQueef · 06/05/2019 10:51

I'm happy for people to think I'm nosey Nora.
I want to be clear for all those women who are in this situation.
I will call the police Every Single Time. And I will give a statement.
I want the women to have a shred of hope.
Every Single Time.

December2019 · 06/05/2019 10:56

I actually have a friend who was murdered by her partner in front of her daughter... so yeah I would call 999
I also have a friend who stabbed her partner 5 times during a heated argument luckily he survived but she is now serving time In prison, and he is only alive today because their "nosey neighbor" rang the police
You never know what happens behind closed doors so i would surely be ringing 999 right away if I was in your situation

GreigLaidlawsbarofsoap · 06/05/2019 10:57

2 women a week are murdered by their partners or former partners in England & Wales. Damn right I'm going to phone the police if I hear aggressive shouting and things being smashed. I don't care if that's "nosey" Hmm

Isleepinahedgefund · 06/05/2019 11:02

I've called the police in a similar situation, so have my parents. When I did, I heard someone being thrown against the wall, it was preceded by some screaming but only for a couple of mins.

My parent's old neighbours both worked away and when they coincided they had the most amazing rows - my parents took to calling the police. It turned out it was her who was abusing him, and the police attention gave him the impetus to leave her.

You can't ignore this stuff - to the poster who thought it wasn't 999 worthy, how do you know there wasn't a threat to life? Not for you to make that judgement.

lillighters85 · 06/05/2019 12:01

Feel like it's worth reminding some posters that 2 women a week are killed by partners or ex partners. 2 a week killed. Imagine how many 'just' get a broken jaw/nose etc. Always call the police.

fecketyfeck21 · 06/05/2019 13:55

lil and where are these women [sometimes men] murdered ? yep, in their own homes - the one place you should feel safe. wasbi if things ever got that bad and you were being threatened and fighting for your life, there you don't want people calling the police ?
sorry,but i would do it even if you were the biggest pita ever.

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