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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pillow and Prosecco

65 replies

CFAlert · 06/05/2019 00:28

I don't think IABU but after speaking with my mum earlier she suggested posting on here to get other people's views.

I've name changed so this isn't linked to my other posts.

Background is I've been single for 3yrs, after leaving an abusive relationship. Single parent to one child, and have EOW to myself when little one is at their dads.

Met a guy, was very intense very quick...thought it might actually go somewhere.

I met his friends, and also his mum due to me staying over one night (he was living at home for reasons I understood)

But... the aibu is because he used to stay at mine a lot... but bought his own pillow because he claimed to have neck pain. Despite me cooking us 3 course meals or full fry ups he never bought me flowers and/or wine or prosecco. Even though he knew I loved both Blush Does this make me a grabby cow?

Or was I right to end it after 6 weeks thinking if that was the way he intended to start a relationship I want willing to continue it?

Thoughts welcome!

OP posts:
StickOfRhubarb · 06/05/2019 08:48

I can see where you are coming from. He’s arriving fully ready to stay overnight, with his pillow and not bringing a contribution to the night. Which is a normal thing to do. If someone asks you for a meal, you bring wine, or some flowers or the pudding.

He’s leap-frogged the beginning part of the relationship.

BlueJava · 06/05/2019 08:50

I don't think there's anything wrong with the pillow - but unless he is really strapped for money a little gift now and again is good. Maybe treating everyone to a takeaway instead of cooking, bottle of wine, that sort of thing.

Having read your updates I think you had a lucky escape!!

viques · 06/05/2019 08:53

Did you give his mum flowers/choc/wine when you stayed over? Some people and their families are not flowers/wine/chocolate people. If you didn't give her something then maybe he assumed you were a non flower/chocolate/wine person too.

viques · 06/05/2019 08:57

Oops just saw the update! When you stayed over, did you actually meet his mum, or was she down in the cellar............

LaMarschallin · 06/05/2019 08:57

When I called things off he sent a scathing message saying I've got issues and he hopes I can sort them out and find happiness

Well, I hope you responded with a very mature "Backatya Sunshine!!".

What? That is mature for me.

Again, seriously, imo issues really weren't yours. I suspect he's been told that, didn't like it and has decided to use it to try to hurt others who don't "get" him. And his pillow.

Notwiththeseknees · 06/05/2019 08:58

So he thinks ahead for his own comfort, but can't be arsed to do something nice for you. TBH, unless he was moving in, he could shove his comfy pillow where the sun doesn't shine.

It's the thought that counts IMO and it doesn't need to be a token such as a gift, but even offering to clear up, do an unpleasant job or take the car for a wash...

Original poster
CFAlert · 06/05/2019 09:08

I did actually meet his mum! Grin

She was a nice lady. I asked him what her drink was but she was teetotal. Flowers seemed a bit OTT as it wasn't a formal meet the mum type thing, just somewhere to crash after a night out with his friends.

I still took drinks for him though!

OP posts:
IamtheDevilsAvocado · 06/05/2019 09:30

Sounds as if he swapped one woman cooking for him ,for another ,with added sex...

Wouldn't work for me....

Kinsters · 06/05/2019 09:55

From your further messages it sounds like you're well rid. You clearly don't like him much and he sounds a bit of a dick.

JeezOhGeeWhizz · 06/05/2019 11:02

Sounds like a freeloader. Did he ask or hint about moving in?

CurtainsOpen · 06/05/2019 12:22

What a 6 weeks eh?

MiniMum97 · 06/05/2019 17:16

OP please explain your concerns with him bringing his own pillow. I cannot imagine why this would be a problem for anyone?

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 06/05/2019 17:20

I've read the thread so I know what it's about...but every time I see the title on the AIBU page I think its the name of a bad romance novel you'd find in an airport or something... 'Pillows and Prosecco'.

It has a ring to it. Blush

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 06/05/2019 17:25

Of course you bring some wine if someone's cooking for you.

Original poster
CFAlert · 06/05/2019 17:54

I had nothing against him bringing his own pillow. Of course I wanted him to be comfortable staying at mine and if he slept better with his own pillow then I was fine with that.

It was just the whole him turning up, with said pillow and an overnight bag. Strolling in with a kiss and hello yet not contributing anything towards the meal or bringing me flowers or Prosecco.

I just thought it was a bit off and it didn't sit right with me. Along with the other stuff I mentioned up thread my intuition was screaming at me to call it off so that's what I did. And his reaction to me ending it made me blooming glad I did!

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