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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if 5/6 I too young for a pool party?

78 replies

PumpkinPie2016 · 05/05/2019 15:44

My DS will be six at the end of Nov. He will be Y1 and most of his friends will be 5 as he is one of the oldest. DS has swimming lessons and can swim unaided. I know a few kids in the class have lessons but I don't know if all do.

I was thinking of having a pool party for his sixth birthday. It would be held in a leisure centre learner pool. The pool is only 0.9m deep everywhere and there are arm discs/woggles. Me, DH and my parents would definitely be willing to get in - me, my mum and DH are all excellent swimmers. My dad can swim - not amazing but certainly competent enough.

Other parents would be welcome to join us in the pool or watch.

Would you/your child be ok with a pool party at this age of do you think it's too young? I don't want a load of people not coming because they don't like the idea.

OP posts:

Yura · 05/05/2019 16:48

we‘ve been to one last year, end of reception. the pool was really deep for kids (1.30), but it was fine. just ask for kids to bring swimming aids, and have plenty of adults in the water (we had 6 adults plus a swim teacher for 18 kids)

pikapikachu · 05/05/2019 16:49

Isyiurgooglebroken- many pools have a rule about how many kids per adult. I had 3 kids who were 5 and under so couldn't have taken them swimming on my own until #1 was 8. It's not about helicoptering.

I would have to decline because I have 2 other kids and I'm not a CF who will ask for an invite for them too.

Tfoot75 · 05/05/2019 16:51

My dd would absolutely love it. She'll be 6 next month and can swim 50 metres, but would have no need to swim in a 90cm depth pool! Incidentally they swam at the local leisure centre in a holiday club there when she was just turned 5, I presume in a shallow bottomed pool but the ratio would have been the minimum for children over 5 and nothing like 1:2!! There may not have been any adults in the pool with them, I wouldn't know as I wasn't there!

PrincessScarlett · 05/05/2019 16:57

My DS had a swim party for his 6th birthday and it was great fun. The leisure centre insisted on a ratio of 1 adult to every 3 children. On the invite we requested adult helpers and enough parents volunteered. There were also 2 lifeguards on hand.

You'll always get some parents refusing to get in the water or declining the invite because it's swimming but swimming parties are very popular with my DS and his age group.

Orangepear · 05/05/2019 17:13

My 6yo can swim well but I wouldn't be happy about a pool party at this age. Plus I couldn't go in because of having other DC.

Yabbers · 05/05/2019 17:17

I couldn’t take responsibility for anyone else’s kids in a swimming pool. Even now she’s 10, I wouldn’t take a friend swimming with her.

I certainly wouldn’t have when they were aged 5.

ForalltheSaints · 05/05/2019 17:18

I think it is too young. Definitely you cannot take responsibility for others' children.

AJPTaylor · 05/05/2019 17:23

Yes.
Would never have one
Would never have let any of my kids go to one at that age

Original poster

PumpkinPie2016 · 05/05/2019 17:30

Hmm I think I may wait a few years judging by this thread. I had a pool party when I was about 6 but lots of parents were willing to come in. That may not be the case with DS class and some have younger kids too.

Perhaps we'll go bowling instead!

OP posts:

Wanderingbluebell · 05/05/2019 17:30

We’ve been to a few at that age, all absolutely fine. Pool is 0.9m and everyone was fine and certainly not all amazing swimmers. Ratio 1:2 adults to kids, most parents went in. Also life guard and party host on hand. All were well attended. Ours include party room hire for food/ games after.

MitziK · 05/05/2019 17:34

My eldest would have wanted to go, but ask her to get in or one splash of water on her and she'd have been hysterical, as she was terrified of the stuff. At five, I was leaving the swimming pool with her covered in scratches and missing clumps of hair where she'd grab on to me.

Youngest would have been a bloody liability, as she would sprint off from the baby pool at full speed before launching herself into the deep end of the main pool. Obviously, I refused to take either as a result, as I couldn't deal with hysterical child at the same time as the turbocharged kamikaze - trying to react to turbo led to me being practically rugby tackled by the eldest. It was fucking shit being a single parent at times considering the XP had been a County Level swimmer and diver, as well as completely in favour of throwing small children into the deep end, claiming they'll learn to float if you keep on doing it.

Anyway, I'd think that five is too young for confident children to be trusted to behave responsibly and for non swimmers and those scared/not comfortable in water to not get upset. There are reasons why school group swimming doesn't start until children are older than that.

TheNoodlesIncident · 05/05/2019 17:36

I wouldn't at that age, it's far more likely that more of your dc's friends will be more secure swimmers and water confident by 8. It's nice that your ds is competent enough to enjoy it freely, but the majority of the children won't be. So you will get more regret RSVPs than acceptance at this stage.

Besides, in order to keep a safe ratio of adults in the water to children, some parents might have to get in the pool too, and not everyone is comfortable with that.

So I would do it, but not yet. Wait a few years. There are other types of party that are more inclusive at KS1.

hopefulhalf · 05/05/2019 17:40

I think the pools will let you, we did a private hire, aged 7 or 8 (can't remember which) but not 6, I think TBH it was still a bit young. Year 6 would have been much better....

BackforGood · 05/05/2019 17:43

Sorry, Mrs Popular as usual, but I cant help thinking we all did these sorts of parties 20 odd years ago, not one single parent got in the pool (other than the hosts father who really just wanted to play hmm ) it's just ramping up another level of helicopter parenting and molly coddling.

Not sure where that was, IsYourGoogleBroken ?

My dc are in their 20s and pool parties were the same - needed 1 adult in the water for every 2 children for U8s and went to something like 1:10 for over 8s

OP - we waited until 9th birthdays, so all the school friends were at least 8, for that reason.

UnicornDust9 · 05/05/2019 17:44

At 6 I’d let them get in and watch aslong as I didn’t have to get in.

I actually refused an invite to a party once as it was a swimming party and parents had to get in with there parents. Not happening!

She went to a 8th party this year and I didn’t have to get in so that was fine.

At 6 she had a bowling party and everyone loved that.

This year it’s a trampoline party.

UnicornDust9 · 05/05/2019 17:44

With there children!*

hopefulhalf · 05/05/2019 17:48

Ds tells me it was his 8th, so some were still 7- Ds and Dd were strong swimmers, but not all were and we had a lot of UTA on relection it was too young.

cadburyegg · 05/05/2019 17:52

For me the problem wouldn’t be the level of aptitude my DS1 has (he can’t swim but he is only 4) but if I can’t leave DS2 with anyone and I wouldn’t manage 2 in a pool by myself. Plenty of other parents will have younger siblings to consider

TheCatDidSay · 05/05/2019 17:52

The reason all the dads do the pool parties is because the mums refuse to get in the pool.

Once they are over the age for needing adults in with them is the idea age as then there is no pressure on parents to dive in.

TinyGhostWriter · 05/05/2019 18:15

Kids do not need to be perpetually hovered round like they are fragile beings. They are robust and they need to learn positive risk taking

I agree with this, however I don’t think you understand what positive risk taking is.

A child learning to swim with an adult on hand = positive risk taking

Sending a child to a pool party when they are not yet confident/capable in water = not a good idea.

Individual parents are the best to judge and make a risk/benefit analysis of situations. That is parenting, not helicoptering.

ineedaholidaynow · 05/05/2019 18:34

When you talk about a pool party is that one organised by the local pool or just a group of children in the swimming pool where you would be in charge of them?

We had one for DS, think it might have been his 6th birthday. It was one where it is organised by the leisure centre so had private use of the shallow end (the floor of the pool can be raised to make it really shallow) and then there were 2 people from the leisure centre in the pool and the lifeguard. We did have to have some adults in the pool too but luckily we had enough volunteers (mainly dads). There were loads of games and children could have flotation devices so did not need to be able to swim. Everyone had fun, then food was provided afterwards.

One of DS’s friends was a bit nervous at the start of the party, not too keen on swimming. But by the end he was having a ball, and his mum said afterwards it had really boosted his confidence in the pool and he wanted to have more swimming lessons!

DelurkingAJ · 05/05/2019 18:58

It would be potential no here because DH works weekends and I can’t manage one semi confident 6 year old and a non swimming toddler. If DH was free the we’d come and I’d happily hop in!

Barbie222 · 05/05/2019 19:21

I wouldn't send my 5 year old without an adult, no, and I certainly wouldn't be getting in a pool with lots of other parents, so I think I'd probably make an excuse, sorry. It's very young to offer to supervise a lot of children. They have 1:2 in the baths for that age for a reason. I know it's not what anyone wants to think but with water the worst can happen very quickly and parties are always a bit fraught at the best of times.

Stompythedinosaur · 05/05/2019 19:32

We went to a pool party held by dd1's best friend around that age. The invite specifies that an adult needed to accompany the dc. It was fine, and the dc loved it.

thethoughtfox · 05/05/2019 19:33

Too young. There will be legal ratios of adults to children. No-one wants to go to a child's party and get in the water.

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