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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell me friend she's upset me.

52 replies

difficult2ndalbum · 05/05/2019 09:36

I have two friends that I get on well with.

This week they went to a taster for a new class/hobby.

It's something I would enjoy but they didn't ask me. I don't mind that very much, I've been busy, it's not like we do everything together etc.

However we all went out last night and they were raving about how great it was. Then they invited my husband to go with them!

I feel really upset about it.

Am I just being over sensitively or should I say something.

OP posts:
PlaygroupDilema · 05/05/2019 09:42

Was your husband sounding enthusiastic whilst they were talking about it while you sat their quiet (because you were already a little miffed they didn't suggest it to you to begin with)?

Perhaps they really thought you wouldn't be interested so just tell them you'd like to join them?

Original poster
difficult2ndalbum · 05/05/2019 09:45

Maybe. But actually my friend was being enthusiastic and then tried to persuade DH to join them.

It felt a bit like one of those 'I'm really need someone great, do you know anyone' moments.

OP posts:
DisplayPurposesOnly · 05/05/2019 09:46

Why didn't you speak up? "Oi! Never mind him - what about ME?"

Original poster
difficult2ndalbum · 05/05/2019 09:47

I was just a bit taken aback to be honest. I didn't quite know what to say.

I've had a really difficult week and was feeling a little fragile too, which is probably adding to my sensitivity.

OP posts:
M4J4 · 05/05/2019 09:48

Does one of them fancy your husband?

Original poster
difficult2ndalbum · 05/05/2019 09:48

But as I didn't say anything, now what do I do?

DH has said he'll go!

Do I just need to fester quietly.

OP posts:
Original poster
difficult2ndalbum · 05/05/2019 09:49

No, but they are very similar characters.

OP posts:
JuniFora · 05/05/2019 09:49

I would have said, why are you inviting my husband and not me? Wtf? I'd be wary of them trying to leave you out for a reason but wouldn't bother sticking around to find out why. They're not worth it.

I'd distance myself from them and if your husbands interested in it, he can do it with you.

AnnieMay100 · 05/05/2019 09:49

Sounds very snakey of them imo they could have asked even if they suspected you’d say no.
Next time they bring it up mention it sounds so good you’d love to come along next time, see what their reaction is.
They don’t sound look good friends to me

Kungfupanda67 · 05/05/2019 09:50

Just go! Why do people make such a fuss about stuff like this. Just message and say sounds great I’m going to come along too, what time are we meeting?

PlaygroupDilema · 05/05/2019 09:50

Just turn up with your DH OP. If there's anything up with them you'll find out another way anyway so no point reading into it.

Propertyfaux · 05/05/2019 09:50

Do you need to be asked? The relationship I have with my closest friends is that I am welcome to friends gathering so if I am available to something already arranged then I just need to say and the same with them.

bridgetreilly · 05/05/2019 09:50

Well, you and your DH can both go, you know. I would stop worrying about what it all means and just do the thing you want to do.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 05/05/2019 09:56

No, don't fester quietly. Use your mouth and speak up. Text* one or other - I've been talking to to DH about xxxx, it sounds really good so I'm coming too! See you then 👍

*OK, so that's not actually your mouth Wink

Original poster
difficult2ndalbum · 05/05/2019 09:57

If we both went we'd need a baby sitter, which would be far more complicated.

And now I'm just pissed off and think whatever happened it would be awkward.

OP posts:
EugenesAxe · 05/05/2019 09:58

What is the activity out of interest?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 05/05/2019 09:59

The trouble with letting things fester, is that things never stay festered.
That anger absolutely no doubt will come out at sometime. Its better now than in a Massive blazing row 2 years down the line. There are times when we have to speak our minds.

Dvg · 05/05/2019 10:11

its awkward that your friend didn't invite you to something but invites your husband yes.

I wouldn't be inviting my friends husband to something unless it was a joint thing :S

Original poster
difficult2ndalbum · 05/05/2019 10:12

So what do I do?

OP posts:
Ihatehashtags · 05/05/2019 10:14

One of them fancies your husband. I’d ask them straight. Why did you ask my husband and not me?im your friend not him and see what they say

Genevieva · 05/05/2019 10:14

Book a babysitter. Go together for a taster. After that you can either take turns, invest n the babysitting or decide one of you enjoys it more than the other. It could be a great couples activity.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 05/05/2019 10:16

You seem determined to put difficulties in the way.

Tell friends you are both coming. See if babysitter can be arranged. If not, you and your husband decide between you who goes/who says. Tell friends revised attendance.

This wilting wallflower performance isnt doing you any good. Take charge.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 05/05/2019 10:18

Just be straight with them. Confront them in an assertive way. No one is suggesting you go in all guns blazing.

gottastopeatingchocolate · 05/05/2019 10:19

Start with DH. Tell him that actually you'd really like to go too, and should you get a babysitter?

If he isn't that bothered, he might agree to swap out and you go instead, if a babysitter is too much hassle/expense. Or is it something you can alternate at?

With regard to your friends, sorry, but your reactions are a little bit PA. Couldn't you have just said you would like to go too? Now you are in a bit of a tricky position. I'd sort out what you are doing with your DH first and then proceed with your friends.

category12 · 05/05/2019 10:21

Do you normally turn down invitations/activities? Just wondering if it's possible they don't expect you to come to things, so didn't ask?

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