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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell me friend she's upset me.

52 replies

difficult2ndalbum · 05/05/2019 09:36

I have two friends that I get on well with.

This week they went to a taster for a new class/hobby.

It's something I would enjoy but they didn't ask me. I don't mind that very much, I've been busy, it's not like we do everything together etc.

However we all went out last night and they were raving about how great it was. Then they invited my husband to go with them!

I feel really upset about it.

Am I just being over sensitively or should I say something.

OP posts:

shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 05/05/2019 10:21

I can understand my you're a bit miffed but you've cut your nose off to spite your face somewhat by keeping quiet

If they are good friends I would have chipped in straight away and said "I like the sound of that, can I join you next time?"

Now that it's been arranged for DH to join them next time (and if getting a babysitter so you can both go isn't an option?) I would just let them know that you'd like to join them the following time

Iggly · 05/05/2019 10:27

If you want them to ask you, it’s too late. They’re not going to.

So best to say breezily id love to come along. They’ll realise they’ve been dicks and apologise if they’re half decent.

JuniFora · 05/05/2019 10:28

Get the babysitter and go with your husband if you both want to go or go do something else together. They knew exactly what they were doing by leaving you out and inviting him. Don't let them drive a wedge between you. I'd shut them out of my life and find better friends. Real friends don't do that.

Drogosnextwife · 05/05/2019 10:31

That's really weird, why would they ask your husband and not you while you were sitting there with them!

shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 05/05/2019 10:34

Drog perhaps because the OP's husband expressed an interest in the activity while the OP was quietly seething?

Original poster

difficult2ndalbum · 05/05/2019 10:37

I wasn't seething until they asked him. I was literally about to ask if I could join when she said 'hey DH, you should come, or would be great'

OP posts:

BeefTomato · 05/05/2019 10:43

I don't think there's any need to tell them that they've upset you - that will probably make it into an awkward issue. Just tell them that either you're coming with your DH, or just you are coming. If there's some big issue with you coming, you will find out by their reaction.

It's really easy to start thinking that people are doing things to leave you out, especially if you're feeling not so great about yourself right now. If they've shown no signs of being bitchy in the past then it's likely just thoughtlessness.

Go to the class. Have fun. Reconnect with your friends.

Lifeisabeach09 · 05/05/2019 10:45

^^Agree with this.

Loopytiles · 05/05/2019 10:48

Why do you think they asked your DH?

It would have been best to say something when they did that, but it’s not too late to let all three of them know that you would like to do it instead of DH.

KurriKurri · 05/05/2019 10:48

Is it something you need an invitation to or can you just go ? I'd just go -if I want to do something, I do it - you don't need to go as part of a group or on someone else's invitation. If they say anything just say you liked the sound of it and wanted to give it a go - it's none of thier business whether you go or not, just do what you want to do you don't need their permission or invitation.

You might make new friends at the activity - the ones you have sound like duds.

Loopytiles · 05/05/2019 10:49

It could be that they don’t know of your interest in the activity.

SundayMondayHappydays · 05/05/2019 10:50

What's your DHs view on it? Is he going to go? Like PP said, I'd rise above it and keep your distance.

NaomifromMilkshake · 05/05/2019 10:51

I would have sniffed my armpits and asked if I needed to change my deodorant.

Original poster

difficult2ndalbum · 05/05/2019 10:53

DH says it was a bit weird and he won't go if I don't want him to. Which isn't the point and I would never make him do because I think he'd like it.

OP posts:

DuffBeer · 05/05/2019 10:55

Your friends sound like idiots. If you're close and regularly do things together, I find it a bit odd that they didn't ask you to come along in the first place, but to ask your husband right in front of your face and then ignore you, is just low.

category12 · 05/05/2019 10:56

Don't be a fricken martyr, OP. If you want to go, go in DH's place.

Lalliella · 05/05/2019 10:56

They probably assumed you didn’t want to go as you didn’t express an interest when they first mentioned it or when they spoke about it when you were out. I think you’re reading too much into this OP. It’s not really something to get upset over.

Loopytiles · 05/05/2019 10:56

That would be being passive and a martyr OP: you want to do it too, and it would be with your friends. As you don’t wish to pay for childcare for you both to do it, it would not be at all U to give yourself priority.

Morgan12 · 05/05/2019 11:03

Can you not say what it is?

Quite bitchy of them I think.

INeedAFlerken · 05/05/2019 11:05

Your friends don't sound so great.

If you want to go with them, though, then go.

But i'd take a step back from them, tbh, and ask DH to do the same.

Nanny0gg · 05/05/2019 11:12

Weird.

My friends and I would never ever do that!

Fairenuff · 05/05/2019 11:12

Can you, or can you not, book a babysitter so that you and your dh can both go to an activity that you think you'll both really enjoy and want to go to.

Regardless of your friends, it might be a fun thing to do with your dh and get you away from the children to have to adult time doing something that you want to.

Don't be a martyr.

Acis · 05/05/2019 11:15

Why do you need to be invited or to ask your friends if you can join? If it's a class available to the public, surely you can just book and go? Sort out a baby sitter and do it.

ilikemethewayiam · 05/05/2019 11:15

Maybe you were quiet about it so they didn’t think you were interested. I can be like that sometimes. This has happened to me. I tend to sit quietly listening and people sometimes take it that I’m not interested. I would ask them tactfully if there is a reason you haven’t been asked? They might tell you they thought you wouldn’t be interested but of course you are welcome! Sounds like they thought your husband would be more into than you. Still a bit bad form on their part to ask him before you. I wouldn't let it fester, just ask them. You don’t want a misunderstanding turning your relationship sour.

FancyAPint · 05/05/2019 11:22

get the babysitter, swallow your pride. Just go.

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