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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Age to leave child home alone?

57 replies

BigRedLondonBus · 05/05/2019 08:39

I know this has been done to death but after something that happened on Friday it did make me wonder. Dd has been off school with chicken pox so hasn’t been at school. In the mornings my sister will come round (lives 5 minutes away from me) and sit with dd till I get back. For some reason my son went to school on Friday and told a teacher I leave dd alone in the mornings. I’m not sure what was said or if it was taken out of context as in “mum leaves her at home” was taken to mean alone.

Anyway on Friday I was taken to a room by my sons teacher and the deputy head and confronted with this, dd was actually right there with me. Chickenpox were looking better and crusted over I was asked if I leave her home alone. I said no but was told that the head teacher had already(!!) informed social services. I was pretty god smacked as I don’t understand why they did that without talking to me first.

For context the school is less than a mile away (about 10/15 mins walk) and dd is 8. Even though I didn’t leave her home alone I don’t actually think there is anything wrong with it and I’ve looked online and it seems it’s not illegal and down to the parents so I don’t get why social services have been informed. AIBU in thinking this is ott?

OP posts:
hedgehoglurker · 05/05/2019 09:10

They jumped the gun, but perhaps have a safeguarding duty to report before speaking with you.

I wouldn't leave an 8 year old in those circumstances, but I do in different circumstances - when collecting another child 2 minutes walk away for up to 5 to 10 mins total (if after school activity has overrun and I have to wait a few mins). Also, only if DH will also be home imminently (should I get struck by lightning, for example,) whilst child home alone.

I personally find 10-15 mins walk each way would be too far.

GruciusMalfoy · 05/05/2019 09:14

I'm surprised they contacted social services so quickly, at least your sister can say what really happened.

FWIW, I wouldn't leave an 8yo at home alone at all. I leave my 10yo for 5 or 10 minutes if he's off school and I have to pick up DD. They school is visible from my home, I can get there and back very quickly. I really don't know when I'd be comfortable leaving him longer.

Ikeameatballs · 05/05/2019 09:15

I stated leaving ds alone briefly when he was 8 and would now leave him for up to an hour at 9.5.

There are no hard and fast rules but at his primary they don’t allow children to be dismissed from school without an adult until Year 5 so I suspect that is when they would “approve”.

RedSheep73 · 05/05/2019 09:21

I wouldn't have left an 8 yo alone, 11 is my cutoff, but then you didn't, did you. I would be livid if social services had been involved without talking to me first though.

swingofthings · 05/05/2019 09:23

I've always been surprised by the lack of consistency when it comes to what is considered an acceptable for children to walk home alone (more dangerous than being home alone). At my kids old school, no way they would have been happy with an 8 yo walking home alone and would probably have phoned SS.

At their new school, only 15 minutes drive away, the attitude was totally different. They were happy for DS to walk from school to his after school club on his own when he was 8, and I then found out that the council run holiday club were happy, with parents permission to allow children from the age of 8, leave the club on their own (and therefore potentially going anywhere alone).

I never understood the two extreme positions. My kids used to be home alone for short periods at 8, walking alone from 9, even taking transport. Thankfully, nothing was ever raised with me.

TeacupDrama · 05/05/2019 09:23

DON'T WORRY social services are really not going to be interested and will probably be annoyed at school for reporting before checking facts

as a health care professional we are only meant to not involve parents if by involving parents we would put the child at greater risk

as for schools deciding you can't leave without an adult until Y5 well that's fine until challenged but the minute someone sends in a letter saying Johnny can walk home by himself and has my permission to do so, they then have let them; something is not a risk because of a rule, they would have to specify why in their opinion it was a safeguarding risk for Johnny to walk that distance unaccompanied it might not be safe for Fred to do it but that doesn't make it a risk for Johnny

Romax · 05/05/2019 09:25

I think perhaps they may have wider concerns and used this as a way to contact social services

Original poster
BigRedLondonBus · 05/05/2019 09:35

They’ve not mentioned any other concerns but it does seem very ott so possibly, I will have to see what ss say. I have had them involved before in the past (years ago) but that was due to my ex (their father) and dv, and although it was closed it wasn’t a pleasant experience which is why I’m unhappy to be referred again. I don’t leave dd is she wouldn’t be comfortable with it, she’s quite clingy to me and wouldn’t be happy to be left alone but if she was then I don’t see a problem with it. Dd also confirmed that she wasn’t left alone but what has annoyed me is why didn’t they check this first?

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 05/05/2019 09:36

I would leave at 8 for ten or so minutes. With a phone. Especially if they were just curled up on sofa watching tv. Lots of my friends also started leaving at 8.

Starlight2004 · 05/05/2019 09:38

Are there any other concerns or is this the only issue? If it is just this then I'm sure it will just be a case of explaining to SS the misunderstanding.

If the school have raised other issues along side this then they would be more likely to get involved. I'm surprised they never checked the facts with you first though it does seem very presumptive!

arethereanyleftatall · 05/05/2019 09:38

Agree re inconsistencies. Swimming pools are happy for 8 year olds to go in the pool on their own!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 05/05/2019 09:42

I wouldn't leave an 8year old home alone either so would share their concerns. Neither would I let them out past the garden unsupervised at that age.

Secondary age seems common around here.

Kungfupanda67 · 05/05/2019 09:42

I left my 6 year old for 10 minutes to pop to the shop the other day. As long as they know what time to expect you back, what to do if you’re not back by then and what to do if the house spontaneously sets on fire then I don’t think there’s anything wrong with leaving an 8 year old for half an hour

Romax · 05/05/2019 09:46

Odd you post about your sister living five mins away but not bothering to pop around a card or present for your dd’s and instead getting something delivered.

3 days ago.

JE17 · 05/05/2019 09:47

Sounds like a complete over reaction by the school. I feel that 8 is fine to be left alone for a short amount of time (depending on the child).

Romax · 05/05/2019 09:48

Instead she then asked me to choose something for her in Argos then she will go and get it and bring it around later today this was yesterday and she didn’t bother at all, I fact I never heard from her after that. I’m probably being unreasonable for being upset but she’s the only family I have apart from my dad who I rarely see so I’m just a bit disappointed she didn’t bother. Dds dad is absent as well so it’s just been me and the kids today so I find it hurtful that the only family

Three days ago

Yet here you say she’s been coming around every morning

I think it’s right SS are involved

AlexaShutUp · 05/05/2019 09:49

Personally, I think 8 is too young, especially if they're unwell. I didn't leave mine until she was around 11, and she has always been uber sensible and mature for her age. It isn't just about whether they can manage while you're gone, it's a question of whether they would cope (both practically and emotionally) in an emergency, or if something happened to you and you didn't come back as planned.

BiggerBoat1 · 05/05/2019 09:50

I certainly wouldn't leave an 8 year old especially one who is unwell. It does sound as if school have been a bit hasty though.

I don't think you should worry as Social Services will have many more pressing matters to attend to, but I would have a talk to school about why they acted as they did.

Did your DS genuinely think your DD was alone? If not, seems an odd thing for him to say.

Original poster
BigRedLondonBus · 05/05/2019 09:52

Romax she didn’t want to get it delivered she wanted me to reserve it and her COLLECT it from Argos, and bring it around but I didn’t hear from her that day hence why I was annoyed, it’s also why dd was with me on Friday dd has been off for over a week and my sister has been with her the days before. I said I had dd with me that day in my post. Nice stalking though Confused

OP posts:
LIZS · 05/05/2019 09:52

It is about assessing the level of risk . Many 8 year olds or even up to secondary school age would not feel comfortable being alone in the house for even a short time, not realise not to answer door /phone or be able to deal with emergencies. Add to that being unwell and it could be construed that it is negligent to leave a child of that age for any period. If school has raised safeguarding concerns on basis of what your younger child has said expect ss to be in contact. A simple misunderstanding should be quickly resolved but they may ask further questions first, to establish if there is a pattern of issues.

ohyesohyessyyesyes · 05/05/2019 09:55

OP You already posted about this a couple of days ago and got plenty of replies. Why have you started another thread? 🤔

Original poster
BigRedLondonBus · 05/05/2019 09:55

Oh and just so you know my son wasn’t at school on Thursday either as he was unwell himself, he went on Friday which is when he made the allegation. I didn’t see my sister on Thursday and I didn’t do the school run on Thursday.
On Friday he went in and dd stayed home but attended the school with me which is when they pulled me up on it and dd was sat right there as I said in my post.

OP posts:
Original poster
BigRedLondonBus · 05/05/2019 09:57

I was actually wondering what age people DO think it’s acceptable to leave a child home alone, as I still can’t understand the referral. You don’t have to read it again, there is plenty of other threads

OP posts:
hopefulhalf · 05/05/2019 09:58

I would leave a NT 8 year old home alone with chicken pox on the sofa for 20 minutes while I did a school run provided not vomiting or v. high fever. Really what on earth do people think is going to happen ?

Hereforthebanter · 05/05/2019 09:59

I really think it depends on the child. My eldest is and always has been very mature for her age. She and I had no problem with her staying at home by herself for 15/20 minutes while I nipped to the shops. DD2 is 8 and pretty immature. She’s literally stuck to my hip and comes everywhere with me. There’s no way I could leave her on her own even for 5 minutes.

Me and my brother were the same when we were younger. My mum would leave me no problem at that age but there’s no way she would have left him

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