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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Age to leave child home alone?

57 replies

BigRedLondonBus · 05/05/2019 08:39

I know this has been done to death but after something that happened on Friday it did make me wonder. Dd has been off school with chicken pox so hasn’t been at school. In the mornings my sister will come round (lives 5 minutes away from me) and sit with dd till I get back. For some reason my son went to school on Friday and told a teacher I leave dd alone in the mornings. I’m not sure what was said or if it was taken out of context as in “mum leaves her at home” was taken to mean alone.

Anyway on Friday I was taken to a room by my sons teacher and the deputy head and confronted with this, dd was actually right there with me. Chickenpox were looking better and crusted over I was asked if I leave her home alone. I said no but was told that the head teacher had already(!!) informed social services. I was pretty god smacked as I don’t understand why they did that without talking to me first.

For context the school is less than a mile away (about 10/15 mins walk) and dd is 8. Even though I didn’t leave her home alone I don’t actually think there is anything wrong with it and I’ve looked online and it seems it’s not illegal and down to the parents so I don’t get why social services have been informed. AIBU in thinking this is ott?

OP posts:

outvoid · 05/05/2019 10:01

SS won’t be concerned with this so I wouldn’t worry at all. There are no laws which stipulate the correct age to leave children alone. I leave my 9 year old DS sometimes for half an hour and he’s absolutely fine.

Romax · 05/05/2019 10:04

Op on the 2nd (Thursday) you say she didn’t bother coming around “yesterday”. So that means she didn’t come around on Wednesday.

You are lying. Why? No idea but I suspect that there’s a long back story and the school have serious wider concerns about you

yellowsun · 05/05/2019 10:04

This is bonkers. I do safeguarding in a primary school. In this situation, we would have checked with the child first and if they had explained the situation as you have said, we would have done nothing more. If the child confirmed they were alone, we would have given the parent a call to establish what this looked like and to discuss what is in place for them- what do they do if there is a problem, answering door etc.

We have made a referral before where children were left every evening and older children were caring for an infant- this is not ok.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 05/05/2019 10:05

I was actually wondering what age people DO think it’s acceptable to leave a child home alone

11, assuming no SN.

Our primary only allows children to walk home alone at this age too. It gives them chance to prepare for high school as many will walk/catch transport alone.

Aprillygirl · 05/05/2019 10:12

Seems like the school have massively overreacted. I would leave an 8yr old alone for 20 minutes in these circumstances. Are you sure there isn't more to this OP?

Original poster

BigRedLondonBus · 05/05/2019 10:12

Instead she then asked me to choose something for her in Argos then she will go and get it and bring it around later today this was yesterday and she didn’t bother at all,

later today, when I posted on THURSDAY she said she would bring it around later today meaning the THURSDAY I posted. She told me on Wednesday to pick something and she will drop it around later today and I posted it on Thursday meaning later Thursday. You are actually stupid so I will be ignoring you now, you are misquoting what I said.

OP posts:

Original poster

BigRedLondonBus · 05/05/2019 10:15

I can only go on what the teachers said to me on Friday. He said (the head teacher) didn’t know what to do so she called social services who asked them to speak to me about it.

OP posts:

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 05/05/2019 10:16

Looking at the NSPCC / Gov.co.uk page however they would disagree with my own personal view of 11 as they state

children under 12 are rarely mature enough to be left alone for a long period of time e.g. In the house , car
children under 16 shouldn’t be left alone overnight
babies, toddlers and very young children should never be left alone

arethereanyleftatall · 05/05/2019 10:19

10/20/30 mins isn't a long period of time.

arethereanyleftatall · 05/05/2019 10:34

My risk assessment would be:

Risk of fire. Low. Control measure: unplug all can. Working fire alarm. Easy access to exit. Child knows to exit. You are confident they will exit.
Risk of burglary. Low. Control measure: everything locked. Child knows to exit. (Note - I think my tiny 8 yr old would be less likely to be harmed by a burglar if she was on her own than I was with her!)
Risk of paedophile entering the house in the ten minutes she's there on her own - so so low.

I've been happy to leave both my 8 yr olds for ten mins.

99ProblemsButAnItchAintOne · 05/05/2019 10:49

My DD is 8 (9 soon)... my mum often drops me at the train station in the morning and we leave her getting ready for school in the house on her own. It’s 10 mins max.
I’ve left her for up to half an hour before, she’s very sensible and I have no concerns whatsoever

CylindraceousNicholas · 05/05/2019 10:54

At 10 I would expect to be able to cope with being left alone for a couple of hours, so I think half hour alone should be fine for an 8 year old.

CylindraceousNicholas · 05/05/2019 10:57

children under 16 shouldn’t be left alone overnight

I got myself up and ready for school one time when parents went out on a school night. They stayed over somewhere and I got myself a ready meal for dinner, toast for breakfast... Worst that happened was that I burned my finger in my hair straighteners.

Romax · 05/05/2019 12:00

OP the school have concerns about you. End of

Romax · 05/05/2019 12:04

So 4 days ago you’re whinging on mumsnet about your sister, saying you think she is being lazy but not buying a proper present for your daughter.

And yet at the same time, she’s been coming over to your house for five minutes in the morning to watch one of your children whilst you take the other to school.

Romax · 05/05/2019 12:05

Basically I don’t believe your sister has been coming over at all.

But who cares what I think.

The important thing is that thankfully the school also appear to agree with me.

Romax · 05/05/2019 12:06

I suspect you’ve started this thread in the hope that it is “evidence”

Saz41 · 05/05/2019 12:11

What did your eight year old say when you asked him why he lied?

CremeEggThief · 05/05/2019 12:20

I left DS home alone at 8 for about 40 minutes for the first time. The circumstances were he was ill with a bad cold in bed, off school, on a sub-zero day. I had tonsillitis and had to get a 2nd course of antibiotics. As the surgery was a 10 minutes walk away, I asked DS what he wanted to do, then told him how long I would be, and went to the surgery and pharmacy and came back. It was fine.

hopefulhalf · 05/05/2019 12:25

On a hot summer's day I had a semi- naked 9 year old, 6 year old and next door's 10 year old in my garden (father of 10 year old was home). I left them to collect my sister and her one year old from the station (10-15 minutes) telling them any problems get 10 year old's dad (I told him too). It was fine....

Motheroffeminists · 05/05/2019 16:55

Why would your son lie?
My 11 yo is in year 7 and was off sick one day last week. For all she's ok for an hour or so she's not keen on being on her own so I got my mum to stay with her as I had to go out for a few hours. My other dd is 10 and I'd never leave her on her own. I was left alone as a child when off sick (and when my dad went to the pub) and for all my parents thought I'd be fine I was extremely anxious. That anxiety of being alone at night or if dark lasted until I as 40.

cocomelon23 · 05/05/2019 17:07

I've never left my 9.5 year old in the house on his own for any length of time.

TinyGhostWriter · 05/05/2019 17:11

@Romax

I greatly doubt the op has started this thread in the hope that it is ‘evidence’.

Original poster

BigRedLondonBus · 05/05/2019 17:44

This thread as evidence 😂😂
I’m ignoring you now you sounds crazy. Yes I think money in a card for a baby is abit lazy. How many times have you posted on my thread you sound unstable, just go away. I’ve already said I see nothing wrong with leaving an 8 year old for 20 minutes so I don’t need to “lie.”

Anyway back to the thread, I don’t think he lied i think he probably said mum leaves x at home whilst she takes us to school, which has taken to mean alone? I’m not sure as he seems to struggle to remember what exactly was said.

OP posts:

backaftera2yearbreak · 05/05/2019 18:05

Good grief. Will give you lot the benefit of the doubt and say I assume you all live in big cities. My son (10) gets left in the house when I nip to the shop. Has does since he was 7/8. Walks to school himself. After the holidays will have a key and be gone alone for an hour till I get home from work. Kids here play out alone from 6/7. It is a small place I live in though. OP I Imagine social services will have more important things to worry about!

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