To ask when you think things are age appropriate?

[Futureisland]

I notice a lot of threads get derailed by the little details such as age appropriateness of tablets, playing out etc. So my question is what age roughly do you think is appropriate for phones, tablets, going out etc. Also where do you stay approx?

My opinion is:

Age 4: access to a tablet supervised
Age 5: playing outside within sight
Age 7: playing a bit further like up the street but still close by
Age 8: walking home / to school if close enough or the local shop
Age 9: access to a phone
Age 10: able to go anywhere in local area
Age 11: able to gradually stay home alone
Age 12: able to go anywhere within reason.
Age 13: I no longer check childs phone

I live near Glasgow and think this is roughly the norm for my area. Some threads I have been on kids age like 10 are still not allowed out to play alone and I wondered where / why this is.

I fully agree with your opinion

Depends on where you live. I live in Liverpool, and I will just about walk the shop, no chance would I let an 8 year old walk the shop. Although there’s currently a gun problem here, meaning there are regular shootings in broad daylight. One outside a child’s dance class a couple of months ago .

Your list looks fairly similar to how I hope to feel as my dc grow older. My oldest is currently 6 nearly 7 and really wants to be allowed to go to the shop. It’s about 200m away, no roads to cross but I just can’t quite bring myself to let him. I know the only reason I won’t is because other parents wouldn’t with theirs and I don’t want to be judged.

I think the longer children can be kept away from screens, the better.

I don't think it's inappropriate for a 4 year old to have a tablet, but I think generally it's completely unnecessary. I wouldn't buy a 4 year old a tablet and I wouldn't encourage them to use one.

I think playing outside and going short distances (no roads) from about 7.

Further afield, some quiet roads, from about 9.

Further still (using tube and bus) from about 11.

Basic phone from 9ish, whenever they are out by themselves.

Smart phone from when they start high school.

Home alone from about 8 for 5-10 mins, building up slowly to a few hours by age 10.

OP interesting that you would give them more freedom outside than inside. Walking to school at 8, but cannot stay home until 11. Why is that?

I'm in London (a relatively naice part).

Mine are 3.5 and 7mo so not dealt with any of these yet! I’m in Glasgow also. I’d broadly agree with you about the playing out stuff but not on the screens. My feelings may change as they grow but I don’t plan to get a tablet for my eldest any time soon, don’t see a need, and I plan to delay phones as long as possible, I hope until high school anyway. I know that won’t be popular with DC but I think the issues around social media etc are so serious that kids need really protected from them.

Most of yours seem to young for me. I'd prefer:
Age 4: access to a tablet supervised
Age 7: playing outside within sight
Age 9: playing a bit further like up the street but still close by
Age 11: walking home / to school if close enough or the local shop
Age 11: access to a phone
Age 13: able to go anywhere in local area
Age 9: able to gradually stay home alone
Age 15: able to go anywhere within reason.
Age 16: I no longer check childs phone

I very much disagree with most of your list.

My eldest is 17. He has never been allowed to play out. At 9 he was allowed to go swimming, cinema or the big park without an adult, but dropped off and collected. At 10 he was allowed in town with friends, building up to getting the bus there and back. By 11 he was walking too and from high school, getting buses to activities (swimming, bowling, cinema) with friends.

He has never played out with friends (we live on a main road for a start).

He was staying home alone from 10. Building from 30 mins to a few hours by 11. Full days by 12 (9-5).

He had a phone at 10. Tablets weren't really a thing for his time as a kid.

Agree re anything except waking locally/ to school aged 8. I live in a smaller city than Glasgow and not in dangerous area, but think it's not appropriate til ages 10 minimum imo

The main reason I say tablet at 4 is not because I think screens are great but most kids are at school 4/5 and use tablets from the start. A lot of my 6 year olds homework actually needs a tablet and its been the same since he started at 4.5 years old.

@nuffsaidsam where I live the local shop is quite close and so is the school. I am therefore much closer to my child than I would be if they are home alone and I'm at for example work or the supermarket.

All of those things depend entirely on the child. Blanket ages for things like that don't work.

But what if you were at the shop or the school and the child was at home? So the distance is exactly the same as if you were home and they were at school/the local shop? Then would it be the same, about 8?

It depends on the child, surely?? My oldest son (12) is very sensible and has had more freedom that many of his friends, but middle son (8) is hopeless! We are going to have to really work on independence and trustworthiness before he gets to secondary school.
If depends on the area too - there is nowhere safe for my children to 'play outside' apart from our garden, without walking to the local park which is about 1km away and involves crossing several main roads.
My list would be;

Age 4: access to a tablet supervised, playing in the enclosed garden without an adult.

Age 9 (Y5) walking home / to school if close enough or the local shop - this is the earliest school will let them go without an adult.
Age 11 : access to a phone
Age 11-12: able to go anywhere in local area (to meet a friend, if I know where they are going, to school on the bus alone)
Age 10-11: able to gradually stay home alone

Able to go anywhere within reason / I no longer check child's phone - not there yet with 12 yr old for either of these - I wouldn't let him go into the city on his own, he's fine in places he is familiar with. I reserve the right to check his phone - there is a lot of inappropriate stuff happening with tweens and teens on social media etc. I think whilst I am paying his bill I will be checking what he is up to.

No playing outside here till 10/11. No one does that round this way.

I will still definitely be checking phones till 14/15.

They also depend on where you live and the roads and neighbourhoods.
No way will I stop keeping a watchful eye on social media at 13 though.

Good luck to the parents not letting their 4YO use a tablet. All our local schools have iPads and tablets being used from reception.

Mine are now late teens. We live in a small city.

These are my replies.

Age 4: should be playing, reading, being read to, spending lots of one-to-one time with parent/carer (note: tablets, phones etc didn't exist when mine were this age)
Age 5: playing outside within sight. Yes, in the garden/park etc (the latter, with a parent/carer sitting on a bench or some such). No, otherwise.
Age 7: playing a bit further like up the street but still close by. Depends on whether there are also older children playing out, i.e. plenty of children around to look out for one another.
Age 8: walking home / to school if close enough or the local shop. I didn't let mine do this at this age, as we live on a very busy main road.
Age 9: access to a phone. Definitely not.
Age 10: able to go anywhere in local area. Depends on the local area!
Age 11: able to gradually stay home alone. Yes.
Age 12: able to go anywhere within reason. Yes.
Age 13: I no longer check childs phone. Depends. If I had cause to be concerned, I would reserve the right to check the child's phone. Otherwise, I agree.

It's difficult, as so much depends on the individual child and your location. One of mine is at boarding school, so has been travelling half way across the country on his own since he was 14. Another made it to Cornwall (400 miles away) at the age of 12. But I wouldn't have let either of them play out when they were 7, due to living on a horrible main road.

For me:

Age 4: no huge issue with supervised (but limited) use of a tablet however I certainly wouldn't provide them with their own at this age and mine at 9.5 and 7.5 don't have tablets.
Age 5: playing outside within sight but very much depends where you live. We're on a main road so ours were @ 7.
Age 7: playing a bit further like up the street but still close by (within sight/calling distance)
Age 8: walking home / to school if close enough or the local shop
Age 10: able to go to certain parts of local area, having checked in first and with an agreed time of return. Also at 10/11 own phone.
Age 11: able to gradually stay home alone. I'd probably even start at 10 for short periods but depends on the child.
Age 12: able to go anywhere within reason is a bit broad, more likely I'd be ok with eg bus journeys to agreed destination, agree expected return time. At 12 I'd still want to know where they are, who they're with.
Age 13: I would still be checking child's phone at 13 and for a few years longer and honestly I'd be a bit surprised at a parent deciding it was no longer needed at such a vulnerable age.

I must be overprotective mummy - no way would I let them out alone that young. 11 is the earliest I would let them go anywhere on their own, a couple of years less for playing across the road, but kids don't really play out in our street. It's not super-dangerous, it's just not done. No phones before 11 either, and I think I will be within my rights to check them until they are adults!

'Good luck to the parents not letting their 4YO use a tablet. All our local schools have iPads and tablets being used from reception'

So they definitely don't need it at home then?

Our school has tablets in the nursery, so from just turned three. I still didn't get one at home. I also don't hold assembly or conduct PE lessons. School is different from home.

Roughly what we did, though tablets hadn't been invented! Mine used a laptop from 2 though for educational games and had a couple of PlayStation games too. It's all about moderation with screens. The other stuff is about building up the skills so they are safe - they don't wake up on the 5th of September aged 11 magically able to take two buses to school nor go to university at 18 for that matter!

Obviously circumstances vary but it seems like a normal suburbs type progression

3 year old uses the tablet supervised. Clearly I’m lax.

8 year old I wouldn’t let play out alone or walk to school (0.5 mile). Clearly I’m strict.

It’s not his tablet. It’s mine.

Mine played out from 5 but quiet cul de sac with loads of families who all played out and watched for each other

My dd is only 2 so no worries about these yet but as we live in a block of flats where someone was murdered she wont be allowed out my sight till much older

well said @nuffsaid