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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What do you “do” with teenagers who don’t live with you?

50 replies

Iamnotagoddess · 04/05/2019 19:27

DSDs are 12 and 14 as mentioned in a previous thread.

When they come we are really struggle to get them off their phones and to find activities to do with them.

I have had my own kids who are grown up so I realise they are teenagers etc - but we can’t lay on bowling or the trampolining place every time they come as costs a fortune.

One DSD doesn’t like swimming (and neither are v strong swimmers), they aren’t keen on the beach, the other DSD doesn’t like cycling. They do like board games, they like baking with me too.

Today we went for a long walk on the beach, went into the arcade (I really hate the arcades Grin), got an ice cream age walked back.

DH complains walks are “boring” but did say he really enjoyed today.

What do others do with visiting teens?!

OP posts:
LEDadjacent · 04/05/2019 19:29

Geocaching?

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 04/05/2019 19:29

Sorry have just realised this isn’t really an AIBU Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 04/05/2019 19:29

Yeah we have done that - maybe we need to try again - do you still have to pay for the app? Which is the best app?

OP posts:
GunpowderGelatine · 04/05/2019 19:31

Cinema? Meal in town? Film day at home?

Nanny0gg · 04/05/2019 19:32

What would they be doing at home?

Do they have to be entertained the whole time?

Marvelendgame · 04/05/2019 19:35

I haven't got teens, but isn't it ok for them to just do nothing?

Can't they just be treated the same as they would if they lived with you?

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 04/05/2019 19:35

I don’t think they should be “entertained” all the time but if we didn’t they would spend 12 hours a day glued to their mobile phones which IMHO is unhealthy and they should be spending time with their dad.

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Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 04/05/2019 19:36

I don’t see the point in them coming here to sit on their phones all weekend it seems pointless.

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Marvelendgame · 04/05/2019 19:38

So break it up? Go food shopping with them, get them to help make dinner, go for a walk, go into town, put a film on, play a board game, help them with homework.

PattyCow · 04/05/2019 19:49

Your DH isn't really isn't parenting if he's happy for them to be on devices with no limits. This really isn't your battle. My stepkids are 15 and 12. They can have devices in the evenings for two hours and in the car. We do lots of museums, National trust, movie night, family film night, camping, book shop trips, baking, they help meal plan and cook/shop, swimming. I'd follow their lead but keep suggesting things and let them have some input. But yes teens are expensive and it does mean lots of days out. Long gone are trips to the park!

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 04/05/2019 19:54

It really worries me tbh.

No one checks their phones (we pay for them) and there are no parental controls on them of the WiFi here or at home.

One DSD has form for posting really inappropriate things on IG but still it’s unsupervised.

I have stopped wasting my breath saying anything now.

We take their phones off them at nightie but DSD1 gets out of bed at 8:30 in the morning and comes downstairs and sits on her phone - for hours.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 04/05/2019 19:55

I don’t have parental controls on the WiFi as it’s just me and DS here (and he’s 17) most of the time.

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bridgetreilly · 04/05/2019 20:00

Presumably they also have homework to do.

Parkrun? Better than a club if they are only with you some of the time.

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 04/05/2019 20:01

Yeah they do their homework.

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idontlikebirthdaycake · 04/05/2019 20:01

I think its time for parental controls on the WiFi. You say it's just mainly you and your DS, talk to him about it and see if he'll be okay with Parental Controls going up. It's not healthy for teenagers to be on phones twelve or more hours a day.

It's either Parental Controls or they dont come over anymore

PattyCow · 04/05/2019 20:02

Cycling? That's another one we do lots of. If you've already mentioned it to your DH then you're just going to have to let it be regarding the internet access. It would be hard to respect a man who can't be arsed to protect his own kids but what can you do.

hopefulhalf · 04/05/2019 20:04

Ds is 15, today we have sorted out his D of E gear together, then gone into town to get the bits we didnt have, had a coffee, done the supermarket shop together. He has just made some cupcakes for church tomorrow and is now watching baseball with his Dad. -Quite a normal Saturday.

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 04/05/2019 20:06

It just seems a bit “different” when they don’t live here and don’t have all their stuff here.

They do a lot of drawing and we have loads of books here that they read.

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TheSmallAssassin · 04/05/2019 20:06

On our router (bog standard one that came from Plusnet) you can set time limits for different devices. Might be worth looking into?

PattyCow · 04/05/2019 20:06

What am I reading?!

"It's either Parental Controls or they dont come over anymore"

Why on earth would it be acceptable to kick children out of their home because of issues over devices? This is their home with their dad.

hopefulhalf · 04/05/2019 20:07

Oh he did some maths revision too. Tommorw he is helping his Dad paint the kitchen and they will do some work on building a computer together., Later he is delivering his cakes and playing football.

HelloViroids · 04/05/2019 20:07

We often see family - eg today saw SIL and her kids with DSD - and go for pub lunch/picnic. Make some time for DSD to do something alone with her Dad, go shopping, go for coffee, baking/cooking, movie night.

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 04/05/2019 20:13

We have no family here and I have no friends with kids the same age.

The girls are 150 miles from where they live.

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PattyCow · 04/05/2019 20:18

How often do you have them?

Original poster
Iamnotagoddess · 04/05/2019 20:20

Normally EOW and half the holidays.

Bit sporadic atm due to DH work.

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