What do you “do” with teenagers who don’t live with you?

[Iamnotagoddess]

DSDs are 12 and 14 as mentioned in a previous thread.

When they come we are really struggle to get them off their phones and to find activities to do with them.

I have had my own kids who are grown up so I realise they are teenagers etc - but we can’t lay on bowling or the trampolining place every time they come as costs a fortune.

One DSD doesn’t like swimming (and neither are v strong swimmers), they aren’t keen on the beach, the other DSD doesn’t like cycling. They do like board games, they like baking with me too.

Today we went for a long walk on the beach, went into the arcade (I really hate the arcades ), got an ice cream age walked back.

DH complains walks are “boring” but did say he really enjoyed today.

What do others do with visiting teens?!

Has their father asked you to look for ideas on MN, and is similarly trying to think of things?
If not, tell him to step up.

• Start them on tennis lessons? Group or private as a family.
• start playing badminton together, regular booking.
• accept that teens have plenty of demands on their time and the phones aren’t the end of the world.
• limit the phone use and see what THEY decide to do?

Drawing and board games are great. Do something out on one day, a walk is fine or activity, summer festival/village fete season soon. Do they like animals, sanctuary or kids farm (younger one anyway)? Cooking and home based another day, nice to just chill out together

Can they bring a friend occasionally, or do some activity to make friends nearby to you?

At their age I really loved roller skating, cycling and ice skating. Are any of those an option? The first two would be free after you bought the equipment

They do bring friends sometimes.

Although DSD2 really struggles to make friends so never has and at the best of times they are hideous to each other and DSD1 is even worse with a friend.

Walking today they were shoving each other which I kind of thought they would have grown out of by now.

DSD2 loves cycling and when we go riding her and I go off together and DSD1 and OH normally fall out as she hates anything physical.

If they're into drawing could they go out on sketching outings - at the beach, in a museum, from a cafe. ?

We did the food shopping yesterday, went out for a walk, had coffee in a cafe together and then chilled in the lounge, today we will watch some cricket and have a cheap lunch out if he ever gets out of bed, nothing expensive just time to chat and relax together.

I also sometimes do face masks/pedicures etc with DSD - I lean towards relaxing stuff rather than ‘beauty treatment’ focused, bit she likes it, and I remember enjoying that at her age.
Also do yoga videos, we both like yoga with Adrienne on YouTube, and sometimes DH joins in (and pretends to be less flexible than he is to make DSD laugh!)
Currently she’s making banoffee pie eclairs

Why don't you ask them what they want to do? At their ages they should have some input into what they are doing.

They aren’t very forthcoming when asked.

Could they do a club? Explorers or guides or something not too expensive? That way they’d have local friends. I must admit at that age I wasn’t very keen on organised fun with my parents and preferred to hang out with friends. So can see it’s hard for them (and you). I would try to do one active thing per weekend and allow them to veg a bit at home. Maybe try to make it more of a routine thing to avoid too much planning every week. So always cook pancakes on a Saturday morning together then go out somewhere active. Then board games together on Sunday.

Being a teenage girl is incredibly painful, everything is embarrassing or awkward so try to give them a lot of grace within the routines you set up.

The OP has said she doesn't have endless money for bowling or trampoline places and the slew of suggestions starts about cinemas and meals out, or organised sports lessons like tennis or badminton which last time I looked cost a fortune. As do decent bikes and all manner of other sports gear.

The complaining about being on screens all the time and along come the suggestions for cinema and film days.

So, lets be serious for a moment

I remember being that age - I had my nose in a book solidly - sorry but why are you organising them? I hated being organised I cant think of anything worse than being forced to go swimming/cycling/tennis with a parent it would have been excruciating etc and I know I shouldn't gender stereotype but 4, 14 or 54 I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than be lugged off to watch a cricket match (and DH and son play the game). Why must everything be physical I hated the majority of PE at that age and still cant stand getting wet or team sports.

As for the baking cup cakes for church and a baseball that's hardly a common occurrence in the UK. Village fetes? Did I rewind back to 1950 and The Darling Buds of May ?

Just let them be to do their own thing because they will vote with their feet very shortly, and they are getting to that age, if they are forced into some ridiculous Enid Blyton scenario every weekend.

My DSC's would spend 24/7 in their rooms on phone/gaming or reading. We usual drag them out for a walk sometime over the weekend. I find it so boring and restrictive.

They both have decent bikes here - and we went to the forest a few weeks ago cycling and actually had a really nice time.

@Everytimeref - yeah me too

I have 2 teens who live with me and their DF cannot think of anything to do with them so he takes them to places with his toddler 😡

I tend to do a lot of cinema, films of their choice indoors, visiting interesting places like museums (or basically what they may suggest they would like to see). They do choose shopping sometimes and I always do it with lunch or something to make it less mundane (and don’t do my own shopping so I am not dragging them around). We visit family and sometimes at a push play a board game

Currently I am cooking a roast and they are laying in their rooms. They say this is what they want to do. DF doesn’t allow it and gets very annoyed hence they feel uncomfortable and awkward. I think being relaxed for a teen is a lay in, slow getting dressed with no rush then mooching about and given some nice food. That is my opinion on it! 🤗

My daughter is about to turn 13 and lives with her dad. She comes here roughly every other weekend but sometimes every weekend depending. She does the same as my older teens. She goes on her phone, helps with dinner, baking if I'm doing it, we watch a film, sometimes go food shopping, whatever. If the smalls are at home then we might go to a petting zoo or the park or for a long walk. She just does what she would do if she lived here. She plays with her siblings. She talks to me, we sit together, sometimes I do her hair or makeup, she does mine etc. It's not about entertaining her, it's about spending time. The way I see it, just her being in the same room as me and holding my hand is spending time together. If she wants to do something else she asks; usually we do it. It's fun and stress free for the most part. I figure your husband should probably do the same with his kids. Be in the same room. Chat. Relax. Chill. And ideally, you should too, there's no need to constantly be doing something.

@PookieDo that's it! Teens are supposed to have down time. Films and chilling out, good food and a few smiles.

I feel like I am constantly nagging DH to get them off their phones sometimes.

Ongoing family film club? What films do you think are essential viewing? Take turns to watch - 80s classics like Stand by Me or really old films - or a season of films (mine are watching all the Marvel films after watching Endgame last week).

Get a dog, walks are more meaningful then (or use Borrow my Doggir)

Help with stuff round the house ?! DS12 has his friend over yesterday and no plans - so DP got them cellaring the garden with him and they came to the shops to choose food for dinner.

Get them to cook the dinner!

I know we’re in our family but sometimes we go to a town with lots of antique and charity shops, split into two groups and give the kids a £5. Meet back for tea or the pub and see who has the best (charity shop finds - amazing books, or somebody usually finds something to do with a particular hobby or interest) - often this sparks the next activity - cookbook leads to ingredients etc.

Get your DP to do DIY with them. Girls need to do this stuff!

@FatandSassy

They will be doing all the washing up though

Organised fun is not fun. But I don’t like them lying around for hours it is a hard balance
Last week we all went out to town and went looking at make up. Didn’t buy much but they wanted to then wanted to to play with phones in car phone warehouse. Ok it’s not instagram worthy but they were out of the house!

Yeah actually I do buy mine tiny projects like some plants to grow. They seem to like that

A 12 or 14 yr old has form for posting inappropriate stuff (prob pics) online and neither parent has done anything regards limiting her online usage/parental controls?
I think your DH and his ex need to get their heads out their arses.

They need to be part of a family. Most family with teens don't constantly do family entertainments. They sound like guests that you have to entertain rather than family members.

They need friends locally. Are there any teen events on when they stay?

The inappropriate stuff wasn’t sexual.

It’s not ok though I agree.