Controlling?

[dietcoke2020]

My dh doesn't like me taking our baby dd out at the weekend for an afternoon as he says he doesn't get to see her enough. I ask to do this less than once a month, is this unreasonable of me?

If you won't share custody then you will have to either find a way to live together or submit for the quiet life. Sounds abhorrent.

Do not give up work. You should try and go back full time if you think you are going to leave him at some point in the near future. You would be foolish to be dependent on someone who puts conditions on you like this. Likewise, hang on to your savings.

Childcare is a joint cost. You would maintain your independence for the future.

Agree you should look in to things like the Freedom Programme which is online. It sounds like you are being coercively controlled to me.

I probably am being controlled but I don't think he realises that's what he's doing. It's very hard to know emwhen it has become normal and you feel trapped in a situation.

diet coke
It really doesn't matter if he doesn't know what he's doing, it only matters that he is very controlling. You don't have to live like this. Leave your baby with him for maybe an hour and gradually work up to longer. He's her father and needs to be able to look after her pp have said do [the freedom programme]

Posted too soon, no link there. You need to realise what is being done to you and resist, don't become that woman who posts on here in 5 years time begging for help to leave an abusive husband

Can I salvage my marriage do you think and stop his behaviour rather than just leave?

Well do you think you can? Are you willing to tell him he’s being controlling and that you don’t like him telling you when you can go out? That he should be doing his share of the childcare?

Yes, I've tried before, I keep trying to talk to him to make him see but he can't see and turns it round on me. Would counselling help?

It sounds like he doesn't want to change. If you are afraid of his reactions on a regular basis, that is no way to live.

I think you should stop trying to talk to him. I think you should take a large step back from your partner. Talking to him sounds like you are asking for his approval. You need to be stronger than that. You are not asking for his permission. His love for you is meant to be unconditional and he should want you to be happy and fulfilled.

You need to send him the message that you are your own woman. Definitely do not leave the baby with him. Just go about your life, leave him to realize that his sulking has no effect. You need to be super strong to not react or give in.

He is happy for me to do my own thing as long as it fits around him which I try to do. But I should be stronger to stand up to him sometimes. I figure most of the time it's not worth the fight. It does get very tiring though trying to keep him happy but I don't think he is. He is always looking for reassurance I love him so I think he knows I'm not happy.

It does get very tiring though trying to keep him happy but I don't think he is.

Red flag!! How much effort does he put into trying to keep you happy? Doesn't sound like a lot, tbh.

How long have you been with him? Did he used to "miss you" before the baby? How old is your baby? How close (geographically) are your family? Do you have friends you see, apart from family?

OP do the Freedom Program.

It's not up to you to keep him happy, nobody is responsible for someone else's happiness. As he's the type to turn it all back onto you then counselling won't help at all. This type of coercive control is extraordinarily difficult to explain to others. I know, I've been in that situation, you always feel wrong footed and unable to get your words out properly. Stop trying to talk to him. As poglets said take a step back and just go about your life without asking for his approval.

And I guess he is reassured you love him when you do exactly what is convenient to him and meet all his needs. Otherwise, you're lacking.

Been together 6 years married 1. Baby is 7 months. I see friends in the week when he is at work.

Is the general consensus that this isn't worth saving?

Why do you see friends when he is not around? Do you invite friends over to your home when he is there?

Again, I see friends on my own because when he's home he wants to be with me

It doesn't sound good does it?

If someone else had posted what you’ve put, on here, how would you reply?

Is it normal to know it's not quite right but not know how to fix it?

Please, please do the Freedom Programme online. You need to do it to understand what is happening to you and why.

He is trying to isolate you from family and friends. If you don't allow him to do it by 'missing you,' he is likely to try to do it by causing conflict between him and them and forcing you to choose. Please do not allow him to do that to you.

So he's what.. 53?

He's behaving like a boyfriend I had at school when we were 16!

It's not normal but understandable to know that something is not quite right and to not know how to fix it. You've been given some very good advice here. Please do the Freedom Programme, you've been given links, use them.
Just because he doesn't hit you, you probably don't think that you are in an abusive relationship. Believe me, you are. Take action now or this will get worse and worse.

I don't think anyone would believe me that he is abusive as he comes across as shy