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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel so unnerved about the school run

31 replies

candlefloozy · 03/05/2019 21:39

I just can't believe how awkward I've felt doing this. Even took my childless sister the one day and she said she was really uncomfortable! Doesn't help that I'm being left out of things by mums who I'd made friends with. But aside from that, having to stand there everyday and be friendly is such a pressure!!

OP posts:
thelastgoldeneagle · 03/05/2019 21:47

Well, you’ll be doing it for years so get used to it! Bring your phone or kindle. Or talk to People? Why are you being left out? Do you have any mates there?

GunpowderGelatine · 03/05/2019 21:48

Why is it uncomfortable?

I don't get this school run hysteria I have o say, just go and pick your child up, what do you need to make friends for?

RozHuntleysStump · 03/05/2019 21:50

I never spoke to anyone.

Singlenotsingle · 03/05/2019 21:52

I agree with Gelatine. It's not a meeting place for making friends. You just have to do the pickup and go. Haven't you got a phone?

Kittybelle123 · 03/05/2019 21:52

I'm with you OP Thanks Here was me thinking when we grew up we'd all grow out of this type of shit. I dread the school run and find myself waiting til the very last second to get there of an afternoon so that I seem to be rushing in and out and don't end up standing awkwardly alone. I get you OP.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 03/05/2019 21:54

Schools runs are just people like you, with children like you, taking said children to school. They're not all some obscure breed. Because if they were, that would make you an obscure breed to them!

Just turn up on time, smile if eye contact is made, collect your child and leave again. Chat if you feel it appropriate.

SallyWD · 03/05/2019 21:55

All the mums and dads are lovely at our school and seemed to have formed a very close bond with each other (seriously, they go on holidays together and stuff). I'm very shy and often feel awkward in the playground. I tend to get there at the last minute so I'm not hanging around too long. However on the occasions I've accidentally got there too early (!) I do make an effort to chat to people even though it's hard for me to do so. It always goes well and I see they're presently surprised that I'm not weird and I can talk to people! Don't stress. Just be pleasant and smiley and it'll all be fine.

GunpowderGelatine · 03/05/2019 22:01

It's like that in our school Sally, a very close group of maybe 10 parents, and some of the other whine about cliques and being left out...I don't understand why everyone has to be best friends with absolutely everyone else just because our kids are in the same class. I live in fear of being asked to one of their nights out I don't want to make friends I have enough already 😂

Original poster
candlefloozy · 04/05/2019 08:40

Little cliques have started to form which is natural I guess. I normally stand with the same people but I now feel obliged to stand and make conversation when I don't always want to. So like some of you, I'll try and leave it until the last minute.
I am friends with a few of them and we have met up a few times but another mum has started a WhatsApp group with them and not included me. Which is fine but now I feel a bit awkward and would rather just stand on my own.

OP posts:
Home77 · 04/05/2019 08:50

Once they get to Year 3 and over they are allowed out themselves in most schools and you can meet them outside (we have little green and meet there) which can be easier. It's not forever. Just concentrate on your child and talking to them. perhaps.

mummyhaschangedhername · 04/05/2019 09:14

You said you now feel you are obligated to stand and make conversation, so I'm guessing you don't enjoy chitchat? It sounds like you struggle with that aspect and now people just give you space. It would seem odd to add someone to a group if your not all that much of a conversationalist.

Schools can be bitchy though, I'm figuring that out the hard way.

Original poster
candlefloozy · 04/05/2019 09:21

I think I was just over thinking everything when I wrote the post. From now on I'll just stand on my phone.

OP posts:
mummyhaschangedhername · 04/05/2019 09:26

Why don't you just create your own WhatsApp group? You've been out with them so I assume you know them. Just create a group and say that you wanted to create a group to keep up to date in case of missed events or last minute questions about school related things. It doesn't sound like they don't like you. You don't need to stand alone on your phone either, but if you find conversations difficult then I don't see the issue with that either. Mum friendships change and evolve all the times as children make and break friendships and move classes etc. However there is an aspect of being proactive if you want to maintain relationships.

galaxy101 · 04/05/2019 09:48

I don't get this. I literally walk up to the school gate, stand there on my phone, a polite hello or smile if eye contact is made, collect my child when she comes out and leave. No drama, no worries 🤷🏻‍♀️

Oliversmumsarmy · 04/05/2019 09:51

Dd and ds’s first school was lovely and I made a couple of friends I still have today.

2nd primary school I never spoke to anyone. Tried for the first few days but had backs turned on me so never bothered after that

MarvinMarvinson · 04/05/2019 09:52

You can't really have it both ways though can you. You say you don't always want to stand be sociable - that's fine. But you are then placing yourself on the outskirts of the group so you won't be included in everything like the WhatsApp group.

And ultimately, as others have said, it's not a social occasion. You're just there to pick your kid up.

TwitterQueen1 · 04/05/2019 10:03

You're focusing on the wrong thing. Your DC want to see a happy, smiling face when they come out and then to be able to talk about their day - what happened, what went well, who said what etc. The other mums are not relevant. If you chat, OK. If you don't, that's OK too.

I loved the school run - one on one time with DC.

ForalltheSaints · 04/05/2019 10:08

Could it be a school walk? Would that make it easier?

Original poster
candlefloozy · 04/05/2019 14:23

I think I was just feeling a bit left out from not being included and I've just felt horrible standing there with the same people who are leaving me out if that makes sense. Because everyone else has their own groups I feel a bit silly standing with them when they don't seem to want to socialise with me. Advice taken on board and I shall be standing on my phone from now on.

OP posts:
mummyhaschangedhername · 04/05/2019 14:50

I really wouldn't take it to heart, you said they did socialise with you. So they obviously do think of you as a friend, but equally stuff happens. Friday a friend messaged and asked if I fancied lunch, we both text another friend and another made it and the three of us had lunch. We were in the restaurant 15 minutes after the first text. It was short notice and just people we thought would be free and able to go quickly. No intention to exclude anyone. Obviously if your just going to stand there in your phone you will be giving off a vibe, I think it's almost like cutting off your noise to spite your face here. Your friends went out a couple of times without you, so now you figure they don't like you so will stand on your phone and not talk to them?

You could always try saying something, like, "oh I heard you went out to lunch, sounds lovely, maybe next time I could come along?"

Hope you feel better though OP, I do realise it can be hard going sometimes.

RSAcre · 04/05/2019 15:29

"oh I heard you went out to lunch, sounds lovely, maybe next time I could come along?"

Hmmm. The other mums could construe that as needy.
Alternatively, if you WANT to have lunch with one or some of them you could ... you know, just ask them?

Otherwise, why not just focus on your kid, & the school run as a basic chore you have no need to get stressed about?

Soubriquet · 04/05/2019 15:32

There are two or three big cliques at my dd’s school,

I go with my phone, find a bench to sit on and then mess about on my phone until her class comes out.

Don’t worry about other people, let them be childish cliques

InTheHeatofLisbon · 04/05/2019 15:34

I HATE the school gates, I'm socially awkward anyway and there are a few queen bee types who put me right off.

I tend to smile and make small talk, or just swoop in and then leave again.

But I get it OP, you're not alone and it feels shit.

SimonJT · 04/05/2019 15:40

My routine is walk son to key worker, say goodbye and leave.

On pick up you wait inside a really small room, forced socialisation, I’m quite shy so I tend to just keep myself to myself. There is one group of mums that clearly don’t like the other group, so they can be quite funny to watch.

Waveysnail · 04/05/2019 17:10

I get it. I didnt even realise how bad my anxiety was and about meeting new people until my first started school. I did cbt last year and started medication, it's been a revelation. I can stand happily in the playground by myself without wanting to sink into the floor

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