Am I being an unreasonable party pooper?

[ClumsyVanilla]

So I'm going on this hen do for one of my most long standing friends. Now I know that they're getting more and more expensive and I don't begrudge going on her hen in the slightest. She came to mine (which cost about £250 all in - which in my eyes is on the higher end of the cost spectrum).
For hers we're booking a private house for 2 nights costing £200 per person, we then need spending money for the nights out (probably about £100-£150), bring our own alcohol and money for food shopping. But it's not stopping there. The girls (or one in particular) in the group keep suggesting more and more. First it was that we all have to wear a very specific, plain, bright colour outfit on the night out. Bearing in mind that we'd probably have to buy something new as no patterns were allowed and it had to be a bright colour (not everyone's standard wardrobe choice). Then it was matching pj's for the evening which we had to buy. Then it was t-shirts printed with 'bride squad' on them. And now they're suggesting matching swimwear too. I'm very fussy about swimwear, as a lot of women probably are and I don't want to be spending so much money on things I'll never wear again. With everything including all of the suggestions it's taking the cost of the trip to over £400-£450. Am I being unreasonable or is it all getting out of hand? 🤷‍♀️

There's a reason I don't go on hen nights. Lots of reasons actually, most of them are probably mentioned here.

The last hen do I went on was a nice meal at a tapas restaurant. I bailed on the drinks after because I’m pregnant. We had a cake and silly games and a party bag type thing. Cost me less than £30 and I really enjoyed it.

I’ll bet that was far more enjoyable than cavorting about in ridiculous outfits just for the photos, for a whole bloody weekend.

Just say no 🤷🏻‍♀️
Do not get yourself in debt
Do not spend more than you comfortable with
Do not let them guilt you in to doing so..

Some people have money to ‘burn’ others could use that money on food or bills..

This is just the Hen do .. you still have the wedding expense 🙈 I shudder to think all on all you will be spending in the region of £1k for this .. just wow! Nope I rather say we got to rethink this .. have a word with the bride.. she has the power to reign things in .. I would hope she would see how expensive this is turning out to be

WTF, no way are YABU! I honestly don't get how out of hand hen nights seem to be now.
I only get married 10 years or so ago, but I organised a night out with my friends. I'd moved slightly out of town but not too far, so anyone who wanted to stay over could so no hotel bills or whatever.
There was a fancy dress theme but it was no way enforced!
Whole weekends away are ridiculous - if that's what you want, then you should accept that not everyone can attend or afford.
Doesn't mean they don't want to be there, just that they maybe don't have it spare!

No OP you are not being unreasonable at all. You have every right to feel concerned and uncomfortable with the sheer expense and the fact it appears to be getting out of hand. Take the organiser aside and tell her how you feel - you won't be the only one. When did get so out of hand. All about the hen do, wedding day and how both are played out on social media now rather than the marriage itself. I see it time and time again.

YANBU. It's so wasteful, as well, all these clothes that would only get worn once or are not really needed/not what you'd choose to wear.

Bloody hell my hen night was an all you can eat Indian buffet, I enjoyed it and so did everyone else I would've said no to the £200 EACH for the accommodation!

Its so wasteful to buy one wear items. The environmental impact alone.

Someone with a lot of disposable income has gotten carried away. I'd try to send a polite text to the bridesmaids:

'Hi girls, really looking forward to celebrating Jessie's hens with you, but just wanted to note that the costs of these extras are adding up. If it's getting hard for me I imagine some others are in the same boat. I've decided I'm not comfortable buying a bathing suit I'll only wear once, so I'll be bringing my black halter neck suit- hopefully that coordinates ok. Could I also suggest a bit more flexibility for the bright night out dress code so we can use more of what we already own? Perhaps just the tops can be fluorescent green, and we can pair it with jeans and match that way?
Really appreciate all the work and thought you ladies have put in. I hope you don't mind me making some budget friendly suggestions so the event is a bit more accessible. Looking forward to seeing you soon! [bunch of passive aggressive cheerful emojis 🐔💕 👙 👰🏻 🌹 🍹]

Hit send. Mutter 'silly bitches' to yourself. Sip tea.

For what it's worth I would think one matching outfit (be it PJs, swimwear, T-shirt's) etc silly. Let alone four of them. What absolute nonsense. I know people do it ' for the photos' but if I was on Instagram saw grown women in a series of photos in various matching outfits I'd just think 'how bloody ridiculous, attention seeking and wasteful.' and keep scrolling.

Bride Squad on T-shirt’s is unbelievably naff. That’s what very young teens call their friendship groups, thinking it sounds cool

Squads that is, not bride squads. Obviously..,

Unbelievable 😂

Matching swimwear and PJs. One day Rita will look back at this and cringe herself inside out.

Or have they no sense when it comes to money

Or taste by the sound of it, slogan t-shirts????
Any all female get together sounds like hell to me, never actually been to one, can't imagine anything worse.

I'm so clearly an old git when it comes to this stuff as my friends and I had hen NIGHTS not whole bloody weekends!

This is utterly ridiculous!!!!

It's not just cost, as pps have pointed out it's also environmental waste and quite possibly issues for some with self confidence and body issues (I too would lay odds the idiot coming out with all this crap is choosing colours and styles that not only do they know flatter them but also that are very unflattering on people she doesn't get on with who are going - possibly even the bride)

It's manipulative and controlling - we don't stand for that on mn

Politely but clearly and assertively say honestly which outfits you're comfortable with and which are not happening in this universe!

If this is all being discussed dictated on a group chat then its highly likely others thinking similarly will weigh in too.

Do you move in a wealthy social circle? I ask this because all the stuff you're describing sounds like the sort of thing that people who don't have to worry about money would organise.

It's completely fine to just say "I'm sorry but I really can't afford it". End of.

@YesimstillwatchingNetflix

Hit send. Mutter 'silly bitches' to yourself. Sip tea.

This made me lol - it's exactly the thing I do when sending a perfectly sensible text to someone being an unreasonable eejit being polite there
I press send whilst flicking V's and silently shouting in my head fuuuuck yooooooo
It's seriously therapeutic lol.

Rein it in rita!!