Am I being an unreasonable party pooper?

[ClumsyVanilla]

So I'm going on this hen do for one of my most long standing friends. Now I know that they're getting more and more expensive and I don't begrudge going on her hen in the slightest. She came to mine (which cost about £250 all in - which in my eyes is on the higher end of the cost spectrum).
For hers we're booking a private house for 2 nights costing £200 per person, we then need spending money for the nights out (probably about £100-£150), bring our own alcohol and money for food shopping. But it's not stopping there. The girls (or one in particular) in the group keep suggesting more and more. First it was that we all have to wear a very specific, plain, bright colour outfit on the night out. Bearing in mind that we'd probably have to buy something new as no patterns were allowed and it had to be a bright colour (not everyone's standard wardrobe choice). Then it was matching pj's for the evening which we had to buy. Then it was t-shirts printed with 'bride squad' on them. And now they're suggesting matching swimwear too. I'm very fussy about swimwear, as a lot of women probably are and I don't want to be spending so much money on things I'll never wear again. With everything including all of the suggestions it's taking the cost of the trip to over £400-£450. Am I being unreasonable or is it all getting out of hand? 🤷‍♀️

What happened to just having a great night out with your friends?
I know I'm old but hen do's like this are ridiculous! It's expecting way too much from people and it will probably end in a massive drunken row!

I've party pooped (?!) before on a weekend away when someone was getting a bit carried away...

Say the last straw was swimwear, if I recall, my message to the group was something like "Nope nope nope. I draw the line at swimwear. Not happening. As you were "

Keep it light but emphasis that swimwear is a minefield as it is. You've been more than accommodating so far.

is it all getting out of hand?

Yes. Absurdly so.

What do you mean 'had" to buy?

Just turn up with what you've got and don't engage in the discussion. Or, (as I would) simply say, "no I'm not joining in that, thank you."

No, that's ridiculous
For my friends we went to a gorgeous lodge, it was £120 each for fri afternoon until Monday. We went out around town (own clothes) for meal and drinks on the Friday, had a party games/twister night on the Saturday and a tea party on the Sunday. Was a lovely weekend away

No that’s ridiculous by any standards! You need to say something so they can draw a line under it.

Honestly, the best hen I’ve ever been to was my own and it didn’t cost more than £30 per person! Friends spending the weekend together is enough!

But now the pj's, night out outfits and t-shirts are set in stone

Nothing is set in stone. It's just that nobody stood up and said no to these ridiculous suggestions by one person who lost the run of herself. If you have gone out and bought the items then that's on you. I have declined hen party invitations in the past once the venue was announced, due to expense. Nobody can force you to go, or to buy into all the crap if you do go, so just say No.

God, just tell her that's a bit OTT and you won't be going with it, it's out of budget.

So it’s matching T-shirt’s, pyjamas, and swimwear?? That one needs to get back to playing with her dollies, and accept that you are all grown women now who no longer have to wear school uniform.
She’ll have you all with condoms clipped in your hair, holding giant inflatable penises if she doesn’t have her wings clipped soon.
Tacky, tacky, tacky.

I bet there are loads of people thinking the same but don't want to be seen as the party pooper/miserable git.

Does the bride know about it all? If she doesn't I'd have a quiet word, you don't need to be specific but you can say you're considering pulling out because it's getting too expensive & ask her to have a word with Rita.

I’d have drawn the line at matchy matchy outfits & PJs, let alone everything else. I can get a beautiful holiday cottage for 3 and a dog for a week for £450!

Time for a message saying “This is getting out of hand and I think we should be mindful of budgets. I will be bringing my existing swimwear and I think we’ve done the “matching outfits” to death now.”

Nothing is set in stone.

Apart from anything else, if you put your foot down about the swimwear you're more likely to be able to avoid the inevitable endless cheesy Instagram group photos while in the swimwear. (Apologies if that actually appeals to you, it's a nightmare for me!).

Yes, it’s got out of hand.

I don’t understand the everyone-in-a-single-bright-color-no-patterns thing? What effect is this supposed to achieve? Where’s the fun in it?

I'm stuck on why are you going out when you have already hired a nice house? I've been on hen dos at nice houses, we've cooked a nice dinner and had the party there.

I'm happy for some photo's to be taken but I'm not huge on Instagram and it's not the sole purpose of an outfit lol. I'm certainly happy to get involved and have some co-ordination hen party attire but I'm glad it's not just me thinking this is excessive!

This exact scenario happened to me! Exact!!! It was a nightmare and the over complication of everything and too many planned events during the stay totally ruined the hen do - it felt so forced and cost a fortune. The last straw for me was not being offered any petrol money from 4 of the brides friends I was "allotted" to drive to the house (3 hour drive) and then when I asked none of them ever paid and the bride didn't stump up any petrol money even though she said I wouldn't be out of pocket for giving lifts!! The bride and I didn't talk after the wedding for 3 years and have recently become friends again and I think she realises she was a complete bridezilla.

She sounds insane.

Have the outfits all be bought? If not, I can’t see why they are set in stone. Matching PJs is ridiculous, the night out outfits too. I’d be saying no to all of that. Speak up, you won’t be the only one who feels that way.

T shirts if they must.

Matching Pj’s I’d be fine with. They’re all welcome to wear their birthday suits too. They won’t be fully matching, but close enough.

Bright outfits ...no.

Matching swimwear?! 😂🤣🤣😳🤣😂not a fucking hope.

Is there a group chat about all this? I would send a message saying that you'll give the swimwear a miss. I bet some of the others will be willing to join you. Hen do's are getting way out of hand these days, all for the sake of a few pictures for the 'gram and snapchat.

Way over the top. What's the point? I'd just say no.

Its absolutely ridiculous. When did hen nights become a three day license to waste as much of other people's money as possible?

You sure she isn't an InstaWanker??

This has happened to my DD, helping to organise a hen weekend and it's just got out of hand because some people just have a lot of money to spend on this sort of stuff and see no reason why others are being 'tight'. Bride has gone from being 'chilled out, anything will be fun' to laying down the law so much and having such high expectations that my poor DD is really getting stressed about whether it will all be good enough for her. Totally ridiculous. It's time more people just said no from the start, as soon as they are invited.