Never had a good sex life

[namechangelife]

I'm newly single with a young baby so fully expecting to not have sex for a long time.

Looking back on my sex life, I've had 4 partners, all lasted between 1-5 years. I'm very attentive and definitely a giver, but have never, ever had a good sex life. Never been with a man willing to 'go down there'. Never been with someone who actively enjoys giving me an orgasm. I've missed out massively and am not sure whether this is normal.

I've even tried guiding the men I've been with but they've all been out for one thing and that is an orgasm (selfish!).

AIBU in hoping that some men really genuinely do get pleasure out of making their other half happy? And to then ask where I find one of these men?

Feel like I've made it to nearly 30 and never had a good sex life and that's a little sad...

I can't believe you have a baby and have never had anyone 'go down there'. Cunnilingus is amazing.

@SignedUpJust4This believe it!

Porn has ruined a lot of men, many think that women in real life want to be treated like the women in porn (they don’t), younger men (20’s) are probably the worst, many watch porn and think that’s how it should be. There are men out there that actually want to please women, they find it a big turn on but there are a lot of guys that are just in it for themselves and don’t give a toss if we’re enjoying it or not.

Just a thought, what is your sex drive like? Could it be that you have not really prioritised it and seen the importance of it before and now seeing that you've missed out looking back?
From my own experience, I've had good sex and bad sex. The bad sex has always been when I've not really been into the person. When I've felt a deep connection, like I do with my husband the sex is amazing every single time because I'm in love with him. It takes two for a good connection. Maybe you just haven't ever been with the right person? That said, the men you've been with sound selfish. Set your bar a bit higher.

I had an ex who was bloody obsessed with going down on me. He seemed to prefer it to having a shag.

I had another ex who was so squeamish about doing it. He told me to 'give yourself a wash' and then managed about 2 minutes of nervous licking before running off to the bathroom to rinse his mouth out!
It will come as no surprise to anybody to know that he was a crap shag too. A couple of minutes banging away in missionary until he came and didn't give a flying fuck how I was.
Sooooo many reasons he's an ex!

My DH doesn't consider sex to have finished until both of us have orgasmed. My ex was the same so don't lose hope these men do exist!

Op I'm 43 and still waiting on it. Dead bedroom for 8 years followed by separation.

He was a ten pump chump who promised the moon and delivered merde. He kept his eyes closed too.

This was after I got pregnant, and by that stage I was married and didn't believe I deserved better.

I can't for the life of me see how I can come back from this. I know intellectually thats I'm not utterly disgusting, but my heart hasn't caught up.
I'm never approached or asked out so there's that too....

I just thought I'd share my experience with my abusive ex. He was sexually very abusive and at some point I said to myself, 'this man actually hates my vagina. He hates my sexuality and my very femaleness.' Years later, I googled him. On FB he was out as a gay man. For years he must have been a closeted gay man. I haven't forgiven him. He was a twisted fucker and why anyone would hate women's genitals (gay or straight) is beyond me. But at least finally I understood.

Porn also gives very I realistic expectations of how quickly the plumber will arrive to fix the washing machine.