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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MLM - How do I leave?

88 replies

Cosyhusky · 03/05/2019 12:17

I've been part of a MLM for a few months. Not a well known one at present. I was convinced to sign up at this AMAZING time because no one had really heard of it and it was still in pre-launch. I had no idea what I was getting involved with.

£199 start up. Zoom calls every night.I don't attend them. Told to add 50 (50!!!) people a day to my fb. I haven't and won't. CEO lives every day I need to attend. 40 minute training videos I'm told I MUST watch. It's coffee. The products are disgusting. I'm told the only way I'm going to make any money is to recruit. I'm not comfortable with that. I'm not ok with messaging everyone I know multiple times. I should have done my research I know. I just want out.

I'm annoyed that my 'upline' is my friend. She knew exactly what she was conning me in to. How do I diplomatically leave without ruining the friendship? She has kids at the same school so I see her daily...

OP posts:

SingingSands · 03/05/2019 13:45

Hey, just wanted to temper this thread with a slightly differing view...

You have had some good advice here (leave quietly, go quickly), but also there has been some unwarranted attacks on your friend.

Presumably she was herself recruited, perhaps by another friend?

This is your friend. You can still be friends. It is possible that she might herself be wanting to get out of this scheme but is too scared to make the leap. Maybe a quiet chat over coffee () is the way to go?

Good luck.

IvanaPee · 03/05/2019 13:45

Honestly I would remove myself from the groups, text “friend” saying

“Hi, this isn’t something I want to be involved in. It’s not for me.”

Don’t engage anymore.
Get rid of the coffee.

And move on with your life.

Original poster

Cosyhusky · 03/05/2019 13:46

Yup you're spot on @dickiedavisthunderthighs (amazing username btw) - It's RevitalU and yes it did have something in it that has been banned in the EU. Which is why they stopped all their orders and are awaiting a 'brand new amazing blend' which translates into one that doesn't taste like crap and doesn't have banned ingredients in! When I questioned the ingredients I was told that our amazing CEO would neeeeeever harm anyone using this product. Despite the coffee having even more addictive substances in that caffeine!

I'm not overly concerned about the money. I have put it to one side and treated this whole thing as a learning curve.

Thank you for your suggestions!

OP posts:

bigKiteFlying · 03/05/2019 13:46

I think getting angry helped MIL because many of these people she liked had been friends with.

I've steered clear but have seen people who are genuinely nice and who I've really liked get swept up.

One of the women I really liked – she later told me she’s undisclosed to her DH debts her really bad PND had led her to a spending spree, with her first child her PND had directly caused her first marriage break down so she was really worried, she was quietly desperate- in end she came clean to her DH and stopped.

WeeDangerousSpike · 03/05/2019 13:47

I think the illegal pyramid schemes are the ones where the only money is from the scheme members aren't they? - so not ones where there are product sales.

Not that mlm is much better.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 03/05/2019 13:51

@cosyhusky The 'old' batch had Octodrine in it which is a banned substance in the UK. The 'new' batch will be basically coffee at 1000% the cost of a jar of Gold Blend.
I've seen the 'CEO', I think he does nightly cash giveaways but there is now a growing pool of people who haven't got their winnings.
Well done for getting out early, these things can be hugely persuasive.

sycamore54321 · 03/05/2019 13:52

Well done for getting out. I agree you should consider any money you have spent on outlay as completely lost. It’s a lesson learned and that’s that. Don’t waste any more time or mental energy trying to recover the costs - even if absolutely desperate for cash, you’d probably make the same amount more easily in other ways.

With regard to the friend, a clean break again on the MLM stuff is good. Send one message -“ I’ve decided this isn’t for me and I won’t be participating any longer” and keep repeating it if you get harassed.

If she’s not in too deep, you could also try to gently help her out. I’m stuck by the madness of your targets - 50 new people a day on Facebook. If you joined at the start of the year, that would be over6,000 already! And 18,250 by the end of the year. All the calls and trainings and activity are to distract you from realizing what a cool logical look at it will tell you - this is nonsense and simply cannot work. My jaw dropped when I read the 50 people thing.

Stay strong, and good for you.

bigbadbadger · 03/05/2019 13:53

She's conned you and is aiming to profit on your work. She wants the sweat from your brow and you are worried about offending her, you are clearly a very kind person, much nicer than me!
I would call her, act very concerned and say "I have been made aware that this is a pyramid marketing scheme, did you know this?" she'll deny, but repeat "No, it is a pyramid marketing scheme focused on recruitment, I would not exploit my friends and family". When you've said that she'll block you and you can go about your life with your head held high. I would also warn others of what she is up to!

The saddest thing is that the victims of these scams become perpetrators, you can have your head held high that you are not trying to scam others to recoup your loss.

Baylis · 03/05/2019 13:54

I would be as short and as quick about it as possible - no point in trying to explain your reasons as she will probably have a scripted answer for all of them. Quit the groups and unsubscribe from any emails and simply text her to say you've had a change of heart, don't wish to be involved anymore but wish her the best with it. As for seeing her on the school runs I would just play it completely normal and answer as simply as possible "it wasn't for me", "thanks but no thanks". If she's truly your friend she will still maintain a friendship with you away from the MLM.

LindsayDentonsWineBottle · 03/05/2019 14:00

I was swept up in a mlm scheme about 12/13 years ago. It was Virgin Vie, so before the social media frenzy that they all do these days. The pressure was hideous, I used to try and do ‘parties’ and really sweated it if I didn’t do well. Looking back, I’m annoyed I got sucked in to it. But I was at home with 2 small children, a bit bored and lonely and it sounded really exciting the way they marketed it. I thought I could earn some cash, do something just for me and make some new friends (with the other ‘recruits’).

In the end I wised up, it was a bit soul destroying, but I just told my manager that I didn’t think it was for me.

MyCatHatesEverybody · 03/05/2019 14:03

Thanks for the link to that blog blackfriars, it's a great read.

Sorry you got caught up in this OP, don't worry too much about pissing her off by leaving, she has already shown you how little she values your friendship.

bloatedbird · 03/05/2019 14:12

Virgin Vie! Blimey blast from the past

BSintolerant · 03/05/2019 14:13

@IsYourGoogleBroken TS have these coffee MLMs on their radar because some of them contain ingredients which make them illegal to sell.

Every little helps in the #AntiMLMMovement

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 03/05/2019 14:15

At least the VV products were nice!

IvanaPee · 03/05/2019 14:35

So, @cozyhusky what are you going to do?!

DantesInferno · 03/05/2019 15:09

am reading the blog up above
on chap10 ( ellebeaublog.com/2017/05/13/chapter-10-huns-lies/ )

“Surely a supportive relative or friend could help you out, hun? Or, don’t you have a credit card you could put it on to tide you over? I would HATE for you to miss out on the Cyber Monday Special and all those profits! I’m here to help you SUCCEED! “

she should have replied, can you put it on your credit card for me???

Tanith · 03/05/2019 15:39

Tanith, by all means OP should spout off on general forums and blogs etc but it’s an exercise in futility to proselytize about the evils of a given mlm to members of that mlm itself on social media groups they control. All you’ll get is lashback from those with a vested and desperate interest in the truth not being known. Sure you can try to be the hero riding in to save the unwary, but you’ll be shutdown almost immediately, dubbed a bitter loser who didn’t want it enough or try hard enough.

Oh, I know the futility of trying to tell the brainwashed what a waste of time it all is.
I currently have two of my ex-clients selling for a makeup MLM. One of them is an ex-client because she used the fees she owed me to buy her makeup. Neither one of them will accept they are losing money or conning anyone.

However I don't see why they should get away with it. They deserve to be shown up for what they are. Op is evidently not prepared to lie, cheat or steal to make her money. I have little sympathy with those who are prepared to do exactly that to suck others in.

Poppyinafieldofdreams · 03/05/2019 16:03

Control your appetite. Boost your energy. Stay focused.*. By drinking just one cup a day, revital U Smart Coffee effortlessly helps you manage your weight, improve mental focus and boost your energy.

Does it remove wrinkles as well.

I have a feeling it may well do if you wash in it.

A. To control your appetite, eat less, use smaller plates.
B. To focus meditate for twenty minutes a day
C. To boost your energy go to the gym and exercise for an hour every day

You can have that information for free but you must try it for at least a fortnight to start to realise the benefits.

NotStayingIn · 03/05/2019 16:05

I hadn't really heard much about it before so am now watching the BBC documentary on MLM. What a load of crap. Great that you are running a mile from it.

Here is the link to the doc for anyone who's interested

BBC MLM doc

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 03/05/2019 16:14

I got hooked up in a well known aloe Vera one about 5 years ago. It was when I started questioning their ‘facts’ that I distanced myself from them. I actually wasn’t well at the time, it was just before being diagnosed with bipolar- and I stick to my guns when I say I’m sure that’s why I did it. Because ‘sane’ me would run a mile!!

So OP you aren’t the only sucker- and I’m considered intelligent too!! 😂😂😂

flobella · 03/05/2019 16:24

I used to really like Neal’s Yard Remedies’ products but I won’t buy them anymore - they also are a MLM company which is strange seeing as they are supposedly such an ethical company.

Butterymuffin · 03/05/2019 16:34

Virgin Vie! They did nice foot cream. Yes, keep using the 'it's not for me' line.

Yabbers · 03/05/2019 16:57

they also are a MLM company which is strange seeing as they are supposedly such an ethical company.

It’s Bodyshop that surprised me. With their beginnings as the ultimate in ethical trading, I feel Roddick would be spinning in her grave to see them preying on women like that.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 04/05/2019 06:51

TBS is owned by L'Oréal now though iirc. It's really awful though and I hate I have to but ginger shampoo from them as it's the only stuff that works for my weird scalp, the second I find an alternative I won't be.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 04/05/2019 06:52

I can't believe Neals Yard is too😱

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