Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help me write an email please

29 replies

Hecketyheck · 03/05/2019 11:43

Not a very exciting email but to a work client. He's fine on the phone (on the odd occasion we speak) but is so rude and aggressive on email. I just want to write to him, very politely, not copying anyone else in saying - "look, we're all trying to work to the same ends here, can you just be a bit less of a cock in your emails please?"

Or do I just have to suck it up?

OP posts:
Original poster
Hecketyheck · 03/05/2019 11:44

Sorry, realise I've stuck this in AIBU not chat and it's not an AIBU at all. Sorry.

OP posts:
ScrewyMcScrewup · 03/05/2019 11:50

Do you have some examples of wording that upset you?

If he's not nasty and just comes off abruptly in emails, I would leave it.

Witchend · 03/05/2019 11:52

Wouldn't it be better to phone him and talk about it ?

PillowTalker · 03/05/2019 11:53

Hi John.

I hope you don't mind me emailing you about this but I really wanted to be open and honest about the tone of your emails.

Many of us find the tone particularly difficult and unnecessarily abrupt, we're all working towards a common goal and I think that a more collaborative approach to the problem would bring out the best in us as a collective group.

I completely understand your frustrations we're working hard to fix them and I think we are moving in the right direction.

Please feel free to give me a call about anything you want to discuss. I'm sure we would have a much more productive conversation over the phone which isn't always possible by email.

Have a nice weekend,

Heckety

Original poster
Hecketyheck · 03/05/2019 12:00

I'm not upset, I'm just irritated and feel work relations would flow better if he were more civilised.

The latest one was where they started several projects late which didn't adhere to the plan they had sent initially so I asked for the correct dates. He then sent an email back basically saying "you need to find the information from the data you have, I already sent you a plan". The point being the plan wasn't adhered to hence the question.

All very trivial but just irritating.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hecketyheck · 03/05/2019 12:01

pillow perfect - thanks :)

OP posts:
TakenForSlanted · 03/05/2019 12:02

"While I appreciate that this is a stressful endeavour for us all and that people respond to pressure in different ways, I shall have to ask you to mind the tone of your emails in the future. They come across as inappropriate and needlessly offensive and thus affect the team's well-being and hence our ability to deliver. Furthermore, verbal aggression is not tolerated in this workplace as a matter of policy. Please amend your choice of words from noe on."

Or something along these lines. Personally, depending on the actual wording on his part, I might sprinkle in an "I expect" or "not negotiable" here and there. Have done it witj clients who were rude to my employees before.

No need to make it overly polite. Neutral and unambiguous should be fine.

Spaghettio · 03/05/2019 12:36

If he's abrupt, could you be abrupt back to him?

Using that exact example, could you go back to him and say

"The dates on the plan you sent are no longer relative as the start date has changed. I need the current dates."

That way he still needs to give you the info and you are explaining why he needs to give the info. Using simple statements, without apology or please/thank you demonstrates that you aren't asking nicely. It's a bit PA but it might get you somewhere?

Brefugee · 03/05/2019 12:40

Probably you just have to suck it up.
In the case where he said "i already told you the info" just come back with something like "but obviously it was incorrect because you didn't stick to it" or similar

Is English his first language? I ask because i work with different nationalities and some are blunt to the point of rudeness but it's a cultural thing

SnakesBarmitzvah · 03/05/2019 14:03

If he is fine over the phone and in person, is it not more likely that you're misinterpreting his emails?

I, for one, have no interest in email niceties such as "hope you are well, anything nice planned for the weekend?" etc. Boring and irrelevant.

As he is your client I definitely do not suggest you pull him up on it. Sounds like he is busy guy and needs to you do the work you're paid for.

If he is abrupt, maybe its urgent and he needs you to get on with it, instead of sitting around being offended at the tone.

Can't stand how its expected now that we must be all lovey-dovey with each other in a corporate setting.

MWalter · 03/05/2019 14:31

OP, I think it'd be better to focus on specifics rather than criticise his entire communication style in general.

The client seems like a classic example of the "go-getter" personality type. No focus on detail, can't be bothered with niceties.

There's every chance that he/she doesn't realise they're being at all obnoxious but that this is just their default mode of communication. And indeed they may not be at all offended by an equally direct response.

So I'd just drop the niceties and be direct back as Spaghettio suggests.

"The dates in the original plan are no longer applicable as the project(s) started late. I need you to provide me with new dates which you're able to commit to. Thanks."

Original poster
Hecketyheck · 03/05/2019 14:33

I have done exactly that and gone back very directly.

snakes niceties are one thing, (I don't need niceties and I'm not "sitting around being offended", I'm having a quite day for once, hence being on here) however, there is no need for rudeness and the occasional please and thank you does not go amiss however "busy" you are.

OP posts:
Cottonwoolmouth · 03/05/2019 14:40

Yeah he was rude.

If it was a colleague I’d fire back an equally rude email.

As it’s a client I’d tend to suck it up but point out his failings diplomatically

AnotherEmma · 03/05/2019 14:42

"Many of us find the tone particularly difficult and unnecessarily abrupt"
Why 'many of us'? This makes it sound like you have all been complaining about him behind his back - you may well have been, but why tell him? He's going to feel ganged up on if you say "we all agree you're a dick"!

"I'm sure we would have a much more productive conversation over the phone which isn't always possible by email."
What's the point of saying this in an email?! You're acknowledging IN AN EMAIL that phone is better! Just pick up the phone in the first place!

OP, has he actually been rude or aggressive? Can you give any examples?

"He then sent an email back basically saying "you need to find the information from the data you have, I already sent you a plan"."
This doesn't sound rude, just annoying. I would have replied "You sent me a plan but it hasn't been followed. If there is a revised plan please can you send it to me? Many thanks."

TakenForSlanted · 03/05/2019 14:43

As it’s a client I’d tend to suck it up but point out his failings diplomatically

Depends on your position and the level of rudeness/inappropriate behaviour.

I manage a portfolio of client contracts and am on the record as telling one of my clients that respectfil behaviour towards my staff is absolutely not negotiable and that I will pull the plug on the entire operation and/or go for lunch eith his boss if he won't comply.

I'm not down with clients abusing my staff. Other buyers have money, too.

AnotherEmma · 03/05/2019 14:48

Also, he's a CLIENT. You could challenge a supplier or a colleague but not a client. I would only challenge a client if they were being offensive, abusive, sexist, racist, etc - not if they were just being a bit annoying and blunt.

If you want to say anything it should ideally be in person, softened by body language and tone of voice, with a phone conversation as the next best thing. I wouldn't email, because that's the whole issue, but also because it's in writing.

Are you the manager or self-employed, or do you have a boss? If you have a boss what's their take on it?

Thurmanmurman · 03/05/2019 15:19

OP if you think it won’t lose you the client I would definitely address this with him. I fucking detest uneccesary rudeness in any situation and always wonder if people who act like absolute cocks at work are the same out of work, or is it just a persona 🤔

lljkk · 03/05/2019 15:28

sorry, I find PillowTalker's email to be extremely inflammatory. May as well write

"Oi, did you realise that you come across like a total arsehole in emails?"

Pick up the phone, OP, is best I can suggest.

user1471517900 · 03/05/2019 16:17

I have done exactly that and gone back very directly.

Then that's the end of it. Client will probably appreciate that style more.

TakenForSlanted · 03/05/2019 16:56

Individual clients may not be the end all and be all, mind. I've learned from the very best that there are times when it's better to lose one than to put up with their crap.

Depends on how vital they are to your business and on how much your bosses have your back, mind. My own uber-boss is the very guy who taught me how to fire a client, so I'm lucky.

Herland · 03/05/2019 17:03

Do not send him an email. There could be various reasons why his written tone is perfunctory - asd, dyslexia, and yes rudeness. If you send an email telling him you think he is rude, you could find yourself in a disciplinary situation, especially because the example you gave is not actually rude, just perfunctory.

MRex · 03/05/2019 17:14

The example you've given really isn't a problem, you're being dramatically over-sensitive if that's the worst example you can find. I don't much like his style, but I wouldn't take his email to be rude just assume he's busy and making an incorrect assertion. I'd say: "Appreciate you sent a plan and it has dates, however as the other dates have changed it's clear the plan is out of date. Please would you confirm the correct date or issue your updated plan. Thanks"

If someone is actively rude / sexist / racist then by all means pull them up, ideally by telling their boss in person. If they're abrupt and in your own team then let them know you find their style a little harsh. But if they're just a bit abrupt and a client then you need to learn to live with it because it isn't reasonable to address it. I would not appreciate a supplier taking my team member to task over a slightly abrupt email (even if I told my team member to improve their tone at the same time), because it is the supplier who's disrupting harmony by scolding someone when it isn't their role to do so. It takes all sorts to make up workplaces and I'm sure you do things that irritate others too, just relax a little and recognise when you aren't the manager.

Boulezvous · 03/05/2019 23:22

He doesn't sound that rude.

waterandlemonjuice · 03/05/2019 23:26

Agree with Mrex
Speak to him, I bet he’s just busy, the example you gave isn’t rude, just perfunctory

ScrewyMcScrewup · 04/05/2019 16:08

The example you gave wasn't rude and wouldn't get my back up at all.

I would leave it.