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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How old were your children when they started to get their own breakfast?

121 replies

Soubriquet · 03/05/2019 11:19

Not a TAAT but more inspired by

I saw lots of posts saying that at 12, the parents should still be doing the breakfast

My 6 year old happily gets her own cereal, adds milk, eats it and even puts the bowl in the sink.

She will do it for her 4 year old brother too.

She’s been doing this since she was 5. She’s famously independent and loves being able to do things herself

If my 6 year old can do it, why can’t a child with no SEN do it at 12?

OP posts:

TulipsTulipsTulips · 03/05/2019 20:28

This has been a good reminder for me to let my eldest 4 yo DD be more independent. She surprised me the other morning by setting the table for herself and getting out her cereal and milk. She was so proud and excites to show me, yet I can’t help myself and keep doing it all for her. Must stop that and encourage to keep it up.

PuntasticUsername · 03/05/2019 20:53

DS1 (8) kindly warmed up my bowl of porridge for me in the microwave the other day. There was just one minor moment of panic, when I asked where he'd left the spoon and he innocently pointed to...the microwave.

I nearly split my jeans lunging across the kitchen. No harm done, luckily.

ShirleyAvenue · 03/05/2019 20:54

He's very independent. I don't see that making your own breakfast is THE benchmark of independence.
Having lost his father at a young age he has had quite a difficult life in many ways and has taken on responsibilities that many other children never have to. He is mature, kind, independent, helpful- and one way in which I like to show him kindness is to take him a bit of brekkie in the morning. He's not incapable. He often makes his own tea and his brother's - and makes lots of other contributions to the family.

CountFosco · 03/05/2019 21:00

You have to wonder what is the point of a family if everyone is just doing their own things for themselves from the age of 4....

That's a bit of an extrapolation from 'why can't a NT 12 year old prepare themselves breakfast?'

Surely it is our job to encourage our children to learn basic self care skills. So for a small child (preschool) it's important for them to learn to, e.g. pour themselves a drink. For an older child (primary) they enjoy learning how to cook simple meals for the family. In my experience children relish developing these skills, by doing it for them all the time you are denying them the opportunity to grow and develop self confidence. This applies to all life skills, so e.g. my eldest (11) washes her own football kit each week. It's much easier to teach these skills to an enthusiastic primary age child than to a surly teenager and everyone in a family needs to be able to do an age appropriate amount of selfcare and everyone in a family needs to contribute to the household and learn how to work together.

TBH I've never known a family where the mother prepares everyone's breakfast during the week. That's different to the weekend where there's more time and someone might suggest e.g. pancakes where it makes sense for just one person to do the cooking (but others can lay the table, clear up and wash up).

WindsweptEgret · 03/05/2019 21:27

If you are having cereal, fruit, yogurt, and so on, then it makes sense to make your own. A bacon sandwich, eggs, cheese or baked beans on toast, or porridge, and it makes sense for one person to cook. I cook most mornings, DS usually pours himself a glass of milk and makes my coffee.

PodgeBod · 04/05/2019 00:52

Mine are 2 & 4 so obviously I get up with them and make breakfast. If I made a few tweaks (left cereal in reach, bowls on the counter and poured milk into the jug and put in fridge) then the 4yo could prepare her and her sister breakfast. I wouldn't do this, but if I needed to then she could manage it.
I think by the time they are 6 + 4 my kids should be able to get up by themselves for a couple of hours but I could feel differently when it comes.

NameChangeNugget · 04/05/2019 01:37

Mine were doing a full English at 3.

PregnantSea · 04/05/2019 04:44

If I'm doing something "proper" like a full English, pancakes, french toast etc then I would cook for the whole family. This is a weekend/holiday thing though. On a normal work/school day children can get their own cereal as soon as they're old enough to pour milk without it being a disaster, or they can have some berries and yoghurt. I think the exact age depends on the child because obviously you need to be able to trust that they will give themselves a healthy sized portion and that they will put milk back in the fridge, that sort of thing, but I think by age 12 if your children can't do these sorts of things then I'd be worried about some SEN that hadn't been picked up on yet.

Tumbleweed101 · 04/05/2019 07:33

The way our morning goes means my 9 and 13 yo make their own breakfast and they have done for a couple years now - but it’s only cereal and milk.

yikesanotherbooboo · 04/05/2019 11:57

There's a lot of competition on this thread.
I like the mornings to run smoothly and hate to start the day rushed or agitated so I get up early enough do do any personal or domestic tasks that need doing as well as making tea all round and cooking or laying out breakfast for any children. Only one left at home now but I am quite confident that when he goes to university like his siblings and indeed his parents he will be competent to provide for himself.

IndianaJonesAndTheTempIeofDoom · 04/05/2019 15:01

Plus where actually are the adults at these critical cereal-making times? Washing their hair? Asleep?

Where is your husband during breakfast? Maybe they're in the same place. It's OK for him. Is it only women who arent allowed to avoid breakfast making?

Why is there always someone with an axe to grind about any man who dares to have breakfast (or anything really) made for him?

You're literally on another thread complaining that your husband won't cook for anyone and won't even do basic DIY without an audience

While trying to make other people feel shit for teaching their children not to be lazy sods. Does that you make feel better about being treated like a skivvy? How will you feel in 10 years time when your boys have learned a woman will do the work for them and that conversely, your daughters think they will be some man's slave?

It sounds as if it’s not so much that he minds the actual cooking, but he needs an audience. My DH can be like this. But over cooking, because he doesn't do this at all, but if he’s doing any DIY, he might need me to “hold” things for him, like spanners. Or if he’s gardening, it’s “can you run and get me.., x,y,z”. Even if he’s doing something to his cats or bikes, he’ll need something from me. Drives me mad, when I cook for him 24/7 and manage to multi-task other things at the same time. It’s attention-seeking basically.

it’s attention-seeking and they need validation when they do something. I’m not sure why. I’m not sure how to snap them out if this either.

IndianaJonesAndTheTempIeofDoom · 04/05/2019 15:03

@5catsnow Do you think if this was a group of men you'd be saying the same things?

AlaskanOilBaron · 04/05/2019 18:00

Indiana it's really not your show here, stop goading anyone who operates differently than you.

User8888888 · 04/05/2019 18:07

My 2 year old can do it herself if it’s cereal, yogurt, fruit etc. She needs supervision with toast but can butter it herself and put it in the toaster (I take it out). She likes doing it as she’s always been extremely independent but I help her and sit with her for a chat. She helps me make up pancake batter but I obviously cook them. I think she’s a lot earlier than average though. I can’t imagine still making a child of 12 breakfast unless it was a fry up or something special.

Fiveredbricks · 04/05/2019 18:09

My almost 2yr old makes his own porridge with us. We have a learning tower in the kitchen and he scoops his porridge (the ellas kitchen museli stuff) in to his bowl and pours his warm milk in and 'mixes' it. With us next to him to help obviously but would I fuck let him get to 12yrs old and not even pour his own cereal. That is just utter bollocks, and lazy, sorry.

CherryPlum · 04/05/2019 18:38

Just after weaning

Taffeta · 04/05/2019 18:42

I like looking after my DC - by which I mean getting their meals - most of the time.

If I'm busy/incapacitated they fend for themselves. DD (12) for example made her own scrambled eggs on toast this morning.

As with all these things, there's a happy medium.

SleepingSloth · 05/05/2019 04:01

Just after weaning

They might be a bit behind others but try not to worry, they'll catch up. They all even out in the end.

Yura · 05/05/2019 05:41

My 6 year old does his own sandwiches and cuts fruit for himself and his younger brother. has been for about 1 year. no milk here as we buy the 6pt bottles and they are too heavy for him.

whiteroseredrose · 05/05/2019 06:06

Mine could have made their own breakfast relatively early on but wouldn't have been bothered. Both would rather have an extra 10 minutes in bed and say that they're not really hungry then. So I still make something quick and grabable for DD (16). DS is at Uni now and has a fruit bowl so that he can grab something on the way out each morning.

Indie139 · 06/05/2019 08:44

My 8 year old makes herself cereal or toast

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