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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How old were your children when they started to get their own breakfast?

121 replies

Soubriquet · 03/05/2019 11:19

Not a TAAT but more inspired by

I saw lots of posts saying that at 12, the parents should still be doing the breakfast

My 6 year old happily gets her own cereal, adds milk, eats it and even puts the bowl in the sink.

She will do it for her 4 year old brother too.

She’s been doing this since she was 5. She’s famously independent and loves being able to do things herself

If my 6 year old can do it, why can’t a child with no SEN do it at 12?

OP posts:

5catsnow · 03/05/2019 18:01

When your kids go to uni, you can just go through a few things with them in a weekend, or even a day.

“Look this is his you do scrsmbled eggs / These clothes will shrink...” etc

It’s hardly rocket science and no need for a competition about whose 3 year-old has the most advanced milk-pouring skills. Some people will make a competition out of thin air.

5catsnow · 03/05/2019 18:04

Plus where actually are the adults at these critical cereal-making times? Washing their hair? Asleep?

Weathermonger · 03/05/2019 18:04

My kids have been getting their own breakfast for years. If it's a toss up between extra sleep for me or making breakfast for them, I choose sleep every time. I reason that I'm raising them to be independent and self sufficient !

IndianaJonesAndTheTempleOfDoom · 03/05/2019 18:04

It's not about the physical ability to make toast. It's about being the sort of person who plans, and does the shopping, and then makes themselves breakfast. I spend my days surrounded by young and USELESS adults. and this is why.

bingowingsmcgee · 03/05/2019 18:05

indiana why on earth have you been so rude to someone who is widowed and is nurturing her children the absolute best she can? If the 17yr old is providing care for his little brother, decorating, shopping and doing heavy work then how is he useless?!

IndianaJonesAndTheTempleOfDoom · 03/05/2019 18:06

Plus where actually are the adults at these critical cereal-making times? Washing their hair? Asleep?

Getting ready for work? dealing with younger children? If you have nothing to do all day it might seem like a reasonable use of your time.

bingowingsmcgee · 03/05/2019 18:06

If we're talking about useless parenting, you clearly weren't taught enough compassion or respect.

IndianaJonesAndTheTempleOfDoom · 03/05/2019 18:09

indiana why on earth have you been so rude to someone who is widowed

I'm not sure why you are focussing on the fact that she is widowed. Is that relevant to the 17 year old's ability to make himself a cup of tea? Do you know how many women bring up children entirely on their own from the very beginning in this country?

nanbread · 03/05/2019 18:10

My just turned 3 yo gets almost everything out to make his own... Thankfully he can't reach the fridge to get the milk. But tbh I'd rather he let me do it, the mess it makes.

I think 6/7 is a good age.

IndianaJonesAndTheTempleOfDoom · 03/05/2019 18:10

I wasn't taught to patronise people. Were you? I don't know the poster but I'd be surprised if she really enjoys us having a chat about her widowed status right now which is what you are forcing, or that she really wants people pretending she isn't an adult who can be talked to like one.

bingowingsmcgee · 03/05/2019 18:11

Yes I'm well aware of it. The fact that you have no idea why I mentioned the poster is widowed just further illustrates my point. I can't understand it for you.

IndianaJonesAndTheTempleOfDoom · 03/05/2019 18:13

I don't need you to understand it for me. Whatever happens in the child's life, he wil be an adult for the rest of his life

and the sort of man who expects women to wait on him is not the kind of man most women want to be with.

5catsnow · 03/05/2019 18:18

Why is there always someone with an axe to grind about any man who dares to have breakfast (or anything really) made for him?

Is it now illegal?

RoseMartha · 03/05/2019 18:18

Mine can do cereal and milk now 11 but able to from 8. Having said that they usually leave it to me as cant be bothered .

Frangipane · 03/05/2019 18:24

Wow. I can't imagine a child about to start secondary or even at secondary, still having his/her breakfast made for them, and I say that as someone who has not really asked a lot of my children around the house. Maybe it helps that I am rubbish in the mornings and have always done as little as possible at that time in favour of an extra minute in bed. Mine got their own breakfast (cold) from about 4 or 5 onwards, got themselves dressed, washed, teeth brushed, and walked themselves to school once the oldest was 9 and could oversee the younger ones.

That said, I see nothing wrong with a parent making occasional breakfast for a grown up child, even giving it to them in bed if that is what they want, but the posters who imply their child would be too slow or disorganised to get their own breakfast, well, a few missed buses or late arrivals at school would soon sort that out!

WindsweptEgret · 03/05/2019 18:27

My 12 year old could pour a bowl of cereal and milk without spilling at 2.

I still make his breakfast on a school day because I'm making mine so he would just be in the way, he wouldn't bother unless I kept on at him every morning to do it, and I want him to have had breakfast before school. He is happy to go hungry.

Littlepond · 03/05/2019 18:29

SOmetimes my husband gets me breakfast. I’m 42 🤷‍♀️

WindsweptEgret · 03/05/2019 18:35

Just to add, 12 year old is perfectly capable of getting himself elevenses or lunch on weekends, inset days, holidays. He's just not hungry enough to bother making breakfast at 7am.

smurffette · 03/05/2019 18:39

Seems 5Catsnow Has a real issue. Chill the hell out, if it bothers you that three year olds like mine or any other child makes their one breakfast- I quote "where the hell are all the adults when during this important breakfast making time" and "who cares if a Three year old can pour milk, some can make a competition out of nothing" Hmmmm
I feel it's probable that your children couldn't do any of the above at a young age thus the bitterness. Think you should take your sour self out of the thread and back to feeding your 5catsnow 😂

Mominatrix · 03/05/2019 18:39

I cant believe people are arguing that lack of overt breakfast making skills demonstrates a complete inability to be a responsible adult.

Why just breakfast? Why aren't people focusing in on more substantial demonstrations of self-catering skills like supper? Not impressed if an 11 year old can make themselves or not make themselves breakfast - more impressed if said 11 year old makes themselves supper routinely.

Youseethethingis · 03/05/2019 18:40

There’s something to be said for kids having a chance to develop a bit of independence. My DSD7 is absolutely THRILLED when I let do things such as get her get her own squash or cereal, return her dishes to the kitchen etc. because she’s that used to being waited on by her parents and it’s a chance for her to prove to herself that she is able to do these things and doesn’t need to be babied and patronised all the time. Shes so pleased with herself to be able to do these little things, it’s very sweet. Next stop - The Toaster!
Wouldn’t be faffing about teaching these lessons during a weekday morning though - fuck that for a carry on!

5catsnow · 03/05/2019 18:45

“I feel it's probable that your children couldn't do any of the above at a young age thus the bitterness”

Find me a child who can’t pour something into a bowl

And find me an adult in real life who gives a hoot?

ShirleyAvenue · 03/05/2019 20:08

Yes I know he will make a good husband someday. He is caring, kind, sincere and responsible- he has had me as his sole parental role model! He will probably take his wife a cup of tea in bed in the mornings because he learned that at home.

ShirleyAvenue · 03/05/2019 20:21

You have to wonder what is the point of a family if everyone is just doing their own things for themselves from the age of 4....
I see my family as a team- we all have our roles to play, our skills and abilities to contribute for the general good. We look after each other. My DCs make their contributions.

GunpowderGelatine · 03/05/2019 20:23

In a few years when I read about useless OH's on this forum and how they don't do fuck all and expect everything done by their partner, i will come back to this thread and ask if it's any of your children. Seriously, breakfast in bed for teenagers? Why? Don't you want them to be independent?

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