Regular poster but have Name changed for this.
In my 50s and for the last decade or so I have been helping to care for both my parents. My son also helps as I'm an only child.
My father passed away a few years ago after battling cancer and my mother's own health is now declining. She is incredibly proud and although she cannot do much for herself, she won't admit that she is dependent on us (apparently no-one does her washing as the machine does this and no-one does the cooking as the cooker does this etc). I do all of her food shopping and she rarely pays for this although she is very well off and much more so than me (I think she thinks it's still 1950 where you can get a week's shopping for £10!) She has no dementia or any memory issues.
She has been having some reoccurring dental issues and it is always me or my son who takes her to her appointments - it can, in traffic take an hour to get there. She has refused to change to a dentist closer to home even though there are spaces. She says other relatives tell her she can go where she likes (these relatives never offer to take her) and she tells me when I explain that I have to take days off work - 'can I not have what I want at my age, I should be able to go where I want to'.
She is lovely to strangers and people like the hairdresser and window cleaner etc but I feel she treats me like a maid and is quite manipulative. I have taken the day off today and arranged an appointment for her with her dentist and she didn't even thank me when I called to tell her - again if this was a stranger she would be falling over herself to thank them. She says her relatives who don't visit/contact her mean nothing to her as they don't do anything for her which makes me feel her love is conditional.
AIBU to think caring for a demanding parent can be harder work than raising kids? Sorry if there's a better thread for this but I thought I'd get more traffic on here from other's going through similar situations.