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Original poster

Should I be upset over this?

51 replies

UpsyDaaaisy · 01/05/2019 15:43

I'm not quite sure what to make of this conversation I had with my DM earlier today, part of me feels a bit annoyed but then another part of me thinks I should just let it go.

My DS (15 months) was playing with one of the drawers by emptying things out then putting them all back in again so I was sat there helping him saying something along the lines of 'shall mummy help you put the boxes back in nicely? Your doing a good job of sorting DS, look there are 2 more boxes left' and she came in and said 'why are you talking to him like that it's very odd' so I asked in what way it was odd and she just said 'its just odd' and refuses to say how or why it's odd? Is it strange to speak to a baby that way?

Fwiw I'm a first time mum and have never felt that confident as a mum and she is always making comments along the lines of 'well he doesn't act like that with me', 'he knows not to do that with me', 'why have you put that silly outfit on him (dressing up) youre always doing silly things to him.

Am i being oversensitive?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 01/05/2019 15:46

No. She parented her way, you’re doing it your way (sounds perfectly normal to me!) and she shouldn’t be undermining you. No wonder you’re not feeling confident!

How’s he going to learn to speak properly if no one does it with him? You’re being normal and engaged and it’s her problem if she’s got an issue with it.

Singlenotsingle · 01/05/2019 15:50

No. You're just interacting with him, chatting to him, doing what you're supposed to do. She's your DM so naturally she thinks she knows best. She doesn't.

BlueMerchant · 01/05/2019 15:56

She could be looking at you doing things with your ds and feel undermined as you are doing things differently and doing things in a way she didn't do things with you.
I think she could feel undermined so is trying to put you down.

Rosesaredead · 01/05/2019 15:58

She sounds like a nasty cow

pallisers · 01/05/2019 16:00

Weird of her. When I had my first baby, my mum and dad came to help me. my mum said "pallisers you should sing and talk to him all the time". The exact opposite of your mother's attitude. My mum was right.

CatG85 · 01/05/2019 16:00

Sounds totally normal to me. Just let it go and be confident in your abilities as a mother.

Purpleartichoke · 01/05/2019 16:02

One of the best things you can do for your son is to talk to him. The more words he hears the better. Keep up the one-sided conversation. When he begins speaking more and eventually reading, You will be amazed at how much he was learning at this age. You are doing a good job.

Faster · 01/05/2019 16:03

Well if you’re odd then I am too as that’s how I interact with my son.
I honestly can’t get my head around why someone would have an issue with it!

Aquamarine1029 · 01/05/2019 16:05

Your mother is the only odd one in this story. I spoke to my children exactly like that when they were little. That's what you're supposed to do as a parent, take an activity and then turn it into a teaching moment. You are doing brilliantly and you REALLY need to ignore your mother. If she continues being so negative and nasty, I recommend you avoid spending time with her.

MotherOfGodFella · 01/05/2019 16:06

What you were doing was perfectly normal and natural. Your dm doesn’t sound very pleasant.

Happyspud · 01/05/2019 16:08

She doesn’t sound like a nice mother. You maybe are so used to her trying to control and put you down you don’t realise it but my mother would never speak to me like that. She treats me with respect.

Original poster
UpsyDaaaisy · 01/05/2019 16:08

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks it's not odd! Its strange though as i always speak to him like that and she's never said it before Confused. I live with her so unfortunately its not as easy to avoid her, I am desperately trying to save enough for my own place as its wearing me down Sad

OP posts:
foreverhanging · 01/05/2019 16:10

It's what you're supposed to do! Develops bond, communication skills, confidence. Keep at it.

Strugglingtodomybest · 01/05/2019 16:11

You're not being over sensitive and your mum sounds horrible. I hope you get to move out soon, but meanwhile, try to ignore her comments and use mumsnet for support rather than her.

TixieLix · 01/05/2019 16:11

You were talking to your DS, counting and encouraging. Sounds good to me. Your DM is the one who sounds odd. Don’t let her daft comments undermine your confidence OP.

Troels · 01/05/2019 16:13

I talked constantly with my lot. but I'm told I'm a chatterbox anyway The kids and I did a running commentary of the day as we went along. It's quite normal. How do they learn to speak if they are in silence.

pinacollama · 01/05/2019 16:16

I’m a speech therapist and that’s exactly the sort of interaction we’d encourage to support language development.

Angelicinnocent · 01/05/2019 16:17

The alternative is my nephew who couldn't really say anything before he started school cos his parents never spoke to him. All he could do was scream "no" in response to anything cos that's all he ever heard.

eightoclock · 01/05/2019 16:22

Perhaps you need to have a chat with your mum and ask her to stop criticising you?
It doesn't matter whether DS understands everything but he probably does understand a lot by that age, and will enjoy the interaction even if he doesn't. Anyway your mum has had her go and now it's your turn to do things as you like, as long as the child is safe and looked after it doesn't matter whether the details are different.

firawla · 01/05/2019 16:24

Your mum is being odd not you! There’s nothing wrong with the way you’re talking to him

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 01/05/2019 16:24

What a shame, it sounds so sweet what you were doing with him and there's nothing wrong with talking to him in a gentle, kind and encouraging way.. She's being very mean and undermining so I guess she still has plenty to learn herself about parenting!
As this is not a one off occasion, I'd reduce the visits and dont forget to stand up to her and answer her back every time she does it because actually you don't want your son to constantly hear her tell you that you are wrong in front of him. Best of luck and enjoy your time with your baby.

Original poster
UpsyDaaaisy · 01/05/2019 16:25

eightoclock whenever i mention these things it either escalates or a sort of patronising "well I'm sorry if i upset you ot wasnt my intention blah blah". It either gets left or blown into a huge argument

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 01/05/2019 16:26

It's more odd that she can't actually say what she means.

BBBear · 01/05/2019 16:29

Talk more to your son, less to your Mum.

FreeFreesia · 01/05/2019 16:31

Your DM probably belongs to school of 'look a clucky wucky' and sees you saying 'shall we go and see the ducks?' She thinks her ways and experience need sharing. Sometimes that is helpful and sometimes not.

From what I've seen of reviews you are instinctively modelling the ideas in this new book www.amazon.com/How-Raise-Successful-People-Lessons/dp/1328974863?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

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