Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Should I be upset over this?

51 replies

UpsyDaaaisy · 01/05/2019 15:43

I'm not quite sure what to make of this conversation I had with my DM earlier today, part of me feels a bit annoyed but then another part of me thinks I should just let it go.

My DS (15 months) was playing with one of the drawers by emptying things out then putting them all back in again so I was sat there helping him saying something along the lines of 'shall mummy help you put the boxes back in nicely? Your doing a good job of sorting DS, look there are 2 more boxes left' and she came in and said 'why are you talking to him like that it's very odd' so I asked in what way it was odd and she just said 'its just odd' and refuses to say how or why it's odd? Is it strange to speak to a baby that way?

Fwiw I'm a first time mum and have never felt that confident as a mum and she is always making comments along the lines of 'well he doesn't act like that with me', 'he knows not to do that with me', 'why have you put that silly outfit on him (dressing up) youre always doing silly things to him.

Am i being oversensitive?

OP posts:

Original poster

UpsyDaaaisy · 01/05/2019 16:31

honeyroar exactly! Its annoying and frustrating she won't say why, or how because i always speak like that and its thr first time she's said anything .

OP posts:

LightTripper · 01/05/2019 16:33

My DS is a bit speech delayed and this kind of "narration" is exactly what the SLT recommended to help him develop. My problem is I do it but I tend to overcomplicate it - but honestly I think any chatting is better than none. Sounds like you are doing perfectly!

Sounds like your Mum is quite difficult - hard to navigate. As others say, it's not clear what she finds odd about it anyway and she can't even explain that? I think I'd just ask her to comment less on your parenting (positive or negative - it's just not necessary to have an opinion). Then whenever she does it just remind her "Mum, we've talked about this, please leave it" and try to move on (though it sounds like that is easier said than done with her!)

Missingstreetlife · 01/05/2019 16:33

I would say let me intstead of shall mummy, but it's not a big deal. Obviously she didn't encourage you and that's why you are not confident. Times have changed, you sound like a lovely mum. Try to get your own place, however small.

whyohwhyowhydididoit · 01/05/2019 16:42

It’s excellent parenting. You should be very proud of yourself.

Does your mum have history for being controlling?

goldenchicken · 01/05/2019 16:43

WTAF? Of COURSE you are doing nothing wrong. What is wrong with your mother? There is nothing wrong with talking to your baby. Why wouldn't you?

downcasteyes · 01/05/2019 16:46

I'm wondering if she had issues with the content of what you were saying rather than the fact you were speaking to your child. Is she old-school enough to think that sons shouldn't have to tidy up? Or could she have taken it personally if she isn't that tidy herself? Either way, it's still very odd behaviour FROM HER!

Waterfallgirl · 01/05/2019 16:47

Pretty unanimous OP - you are doing it right!

Absolutely - talk to your DS, that’s how he learns - from you. When my DS was very young that’s the advice my DDad gave me. Not a stealth boast ( honest) but I was complimented once by my DC teacher who said it was very clear that he lived in a language rich home as he had a great vocabulary for his age, I definitely think it’s because I chatted away to him from very small. Ignore your mum.

Original poster

UpsyDaaaisy · 01/05/2019 16:57

downcast I don't think so, more from the opposite school of thought if anything. Also the room was tidy to start with and we weren't insinuating she was messy because we were putting away our own mess if that makes sense? He's always sorting draws and boxes out etc so nothing new.

waterfallgirl we're all allowed a stealth boast sometimes my DS doesn't have a choice as I'm a single parent and hes often the only person i have to talk to

OP posts:

downcasteyes · 01/05/2019 17:01

In that case it just sounds like she's bonkers enough to think talking to your child is something strange!!

Original poster

UpsyDaaaisy · 01/05/2019 18:29

So it came up in conversation just then as she asked me if i wanted tea with her as she wasn't sure because I'd been 'arsey' with her all day (I might have been a little bit but genuinly just left her alone and got on with my day).

I explained to her why i was feeling like that and i asked a number of times why she thought it was odd or how it was odd and she just said she doesn't recall or know how it was odd but she'd never heard me speak to DS like that before.

Then goes on to say it says something about my own self awareness if i dont know why it was strange... I feel like im going a bit mad here but I genuinly have no idea what she is talking about. It ended with me rather childishly saying 'well youre odd--

OP posts:

Waterfallgirl · 02/05/2019 08:21

You keep up what you are doing then OP. She can’t explain so it’s just your DM’s ‘way’. What’s her interaction with your DS like?

Kinsters · 02/05/2019 08:25

The way she's talking to you is very odd!

Foslady · 02/05/2019 08:32

She is odd......and you are doing great. The more you talk to your son the more he will learn - it’s not just speech, it’s interaction, discovery, the beginning of his learning path. I spoke constantly to dd (poor kid!) but it encouraged her in so many ways.
Keep believing in you and your abilities

crispysausagerolls · 02/05/2019 08:36

The fact she can’t verbalise why she thinks it’s strange suggests it wasn’t strange at all!

That, and the fact I talk to DS the same way/I think everyone does.

barryfromclareisfit · 02/05/2019 08:42

You are doing fine, OP. Of course you talk to him about whatever the two of you are doing - that’s how he learns language, learns expectations, gets the satisfaction of shared enterprise and learns co-operation, has the joy of knowing he has his mother’s attention, understands that his actions have impact in the world ... you are right, absolutely, in what you do.

Lllot5 · 02/05/2019 08:45

when my niece was young my sister used to talk to her oddly I thought. Babyish is the only way I describe it. Maybe it’s the words you used tone of voice etc.
Save as hard as you can move out, your relationship might improve if you’re not on top of each other.

NewMum19344567 · 02/05/2019 08:48

BBC documentary showed talking to your child increases their speach and range of words by 75 percent a week! So is really good to talk to him! I am not the best at it but always try, you are doing good

Happyspud · 03/05/2019 11:49

I always find this funny though, all these things were ‘supposed’ to do. And yet here they all are at 7 yrs old speaking, regardless. It’s a miracle!!!!

outvoid · 03/05/2019 11:52

I talk to my 6 month old like this, it’s how they learn to speak.

I have four DC, eldest is nine and I can confirm he isn’t damaged because I spoke to him like a regular human being instead of weird baby talk .

SignedUpJust4This · 03/05/2019 11:52

Start babbling at her. See how she likes it

Hidingtonothing · 03/05/2019 12:16

So she can't say why it was strange but there's something wrong with your self-awareness because you don't know it was strange?!! I hope you can see how nonsensical that is OP and that reading everyone's responses are reassuring you that you're doing a great job. I obviously don't know your relationship with your DM but it almost sounds like she's trying to knock your confidence, is that likely do you think?

Idonotlikeyoudonaldtrump · 03/05/2019 12:40

Move out. Even if you have to do so on benefits. You need to feel confident as a parent and not have your parenting undermined.

M4J4 · 03/05/2019 13:08

Sounds like she's gaslighting you, OP.

She wants you to feel inferior to her.

Call her up on it every time, just re-inforce that you are mum.

'why are you talking to him like that it's very odd'

Why are you worrying about how I talk to my son?'

'well he doesn't act like that with me'

I'm his mum, I know how he acts.

'he knows not to do that with me',

I'm his mum, I know what he can do and can't do.

'why have you put that silly outfit on him (dressing up) youre always doing silly things to him.

I'm his mum, I'll decide how to dress him and what to do to him.

YesimstillwatchingNetflix · 03/05/2019 13:13

Your mum sounds quite nasty OP. It sounds like you're lovely to your son.

What a cow.

pikapikachu · 03/05/2019 19:42

It's not at all. He might not understand everything you say but I bet he appreciates being the centre of your attention and listening to you chat. Talking is considered very important for speech development and you sound like a natural.
Is your mum quite emotionally cold?

Flip

1 2 3