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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this inappropriate?

40 replies

Daisyintherain · 01/05/2019 14:25

Regular poster but have changed names for this today.

For the last few years, I have had casual employment working with a local firm. One of the bosses happens to be my best friend's father who has known me all my life (this wasn't known when I took the job as it was initially through an agency).

This man is more than double my age - I am in my late 20s. He has recently started calling me quite regularly and says we are no longer to speak via other means(social media) as his ex partner has found out he is messaging me. He called me to say this and then said 'please don't let this mean we no longer speak'. None of these messages have been inappropriate and I have given him no suggestion that I am interested in him.

He has however been asking me to visit him at his home for drinks in the evenings (I have politely declined and tried to make excuses).

AIBU to think this is slightly inappropriate from a boss and also my best friend's father?

OP posts:
rebecca102 · 01/05/2019 14:27

Yep that's super weird!!! Seems like he's testing the waters tbh.

KittenMittens1 · 01/05/2019 14:28

erm, Yess! Very Inappropriate!

Do you have a HR at the firm? you could speak too?

PregnantSea · 01/05/2019 14:29

Hugely inappropriate. Ew. If it makes you feel uncomfortable then please don't suffer in silence, speak to HR.

Shoxfordian · 01/05/2019 14:30

Completely inappropriate
Sounds like he's trying to date you

AryaStarkWolf · 01/05/2019 14:31

Very inappropriate. What does it matter if an ex partner of his knows he's messaging someone? Idgi?

mouldyhousemouldylife · 01/05/2019 14:33

Yes of course that's inappropriate.

MrsKrabbapple · 01/05/2019 14:34

It might not even be true about the ex partner. It might just be to see how you will react to the idea that you and him are in a relationship.

AlaskanOilBaron · 01/05/2019 14:35

He wants to shag you, ASAP.

Honeybee85 · 01/05/2019 14:36

If you got an odd feeling about it, that should say enough. Trust your gut feeling.

I would surely keep distance, YANBU at all

Sn0tnose · 01/05/2019 14:53

I agree that he’s trying his luck.

If it’s too awkward for you to tell him to back off, ask him what the issue was with his ex partner, adding ‘you’re my best friend’s dad, twice my age, I see you as a father figure and you’re my boss. The idea that anything would be going on is laughable’. That should be enough to dampen his ardour without making things any more awkward than they already are.

Connieston · 01/05/2019 14:54

All that dramatic stuff about messaging - a bit like he's creating a tryst in his imagination where one doesn't exist. If the messages were nothing to worry about then why would he give a rats ass what his partner thought? Surely an old family friend, especially one who was a child wouldn't be seen as a threat! Voice calls only - why? What is he trying to hide? And a meeting at his house - nope.

I'd find that weird too, hard to put your finger on what but trust your instincts.

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 01/05/2019 15:01

Have you mentioned it to your best friend? Damn sure she'd find it weird!

Someoneonlyyouknow · 01/05/2019 15:04

Don't faff about trying to be polite and make excuses. You don't need to be rude (although you would be justified) just say that going for drinks with him would be inappropriate as he is your boss and your best friend's father. Don't apologise either.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 01/05/2019 15:05

Hugely inappropriate... why does his ex wife even care?

Sounds like he is trying to make your relationship “a secret bond” or something 🤮

Original poster
Daisyintherain · 01/05/2019 15:06

I haven't mentioned it to her no, I don't want a fall out basically. He is a known womaniser but I didn't think this would extend to his daughter's close friends!

A father figure is exactly how I see him. He knows this too as I've always said to him how lucky my best friend is having a dad like him. I've refused all invites for drinks etc (he even mentioned a holiday) and ever since I've not had many hours (a lot less than is normal at this time of year).

OP posts:
ZoeSi · 01/05/2019 15:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Aquamarine1029 · 01/05/2019 15:06

I would keep my distance from this one! He is totally trying to hook up with you. I would only answer messages that are 100% work related and ignore any others. Nothing good can come from getting involved with him.

Omzlas · 01/05/2019 15:07

Yes. Massively inappropriate. Sounds like he has form if his wife has 'forbidden' it. Take a step back. A huge one.

AryaStarkWolf · 01/05/2019 15:08

I've refused all invites for drinks etc (he even mentioned a holiday) and ever since I've not had many hours (a lot less than is normal at this time of year).

What a creep, disgusting how this sort of stuff goes on and actually is messing with your life and you can't even really prove anything.

AryaStarkWolf · 01/05/2019 15:09

Sounds like he has form if his wife has 'forbidden' it

It isn't even his wife though, it's his ex apparently, eventhough I doubt that's even true, i think he was probably trying to make something happen

BlueJava · 01/05/2019 15:09

Oh gosh OP, that's not good for you - his attitude and now reduced hours stink! I think you need to protect yourself and perhaps work on plan B with regards to work so you don't have to work there. It sounds like you are in a difficult position so perhaps have a look at other options as he sounds a bit of an arse. Sorry you are going through this. Make sure all messages/interactions are strictly work related.

stucknoue · 01/05/2019 15:11

He's trying it on, just refuse his advances and mention (make up if needed) your partner in conversation

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 01/05/2019 15:13

I think @Sn0tnose has it. I'd use exactly what they suggest you say.

TheInebriati · 01/05/2019 15:15

Talk to ACAS today. their number is on their website.

Even if you dont have much legal protection because of your contract, talk to ACAS and dont put it off.

BlueMerchant · 01/05/2019 15:18

Eurgh he sounds like a creep who harbours fantasies of an affair via work with his daughter's friend. I'd be wondering if he had been secretly thinking in appropriate thoughts all these years.... Nasty.
I'd look for other work.

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