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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this inappropriate?

40 replies

Daisyintherain · 01/05/2019 14:25

Regular poster but have changed names for this today.

For the last few years, I have had casual employment working with a local firm. One of the bosses happens to be my best friend's father who has known me all my life (this wasn't known when I took the job as it was initially through an agency).

This man is more than double my age - I am in my late 20s. He has recently started calling me quite regularly and says we are no longer to speak via other means(social media) as his ex partner has found out he is messaging me. He called me to say this and then said 'please don't let this mean we no longer speak'. None of these messages have been inappropriate and I have given him no suggestion that I am interested in him.

He has however been asking me to visit him at his home for drinks in the evenings (I have politely declined and tried to make excuses).

AIBU to think this is slightly inappropriate from a boss and also my best friend's father?

OP posts:

whyohwhyowhydididoit · 01/05/2019 15:19

This is so horrible and so widespread. Boss man oversteps the boundaries, is very politely rebuffed and the woman’s loses out financially. I’ve been there OP and I’m sorry to say that my only way out was to find another job.

downcasteyes · 01/05/2019 15:19

He is absolutely making a move on you.

separatebeds · 01/05/2019 15:26

This : I've always said to him how lucky my best friend is having a dad like him.

You have been flattering him. He has probably seen this as come on and wants to find out if you are up for it.

LiverpoolVictoria · 01/05/2019 15:26

Sounds like he was testing the water, you have made it clear you're not interested, and he's now making excuses to backtrack as he's embarrassed.

I would ignore.

StoatofDisarray · 01/05/2019 15:41

And they say women send mixed messages!

MirandaGoshawk · 01/05/2019 15:45

He no longer sees you as just his DD's friend and is treating you as an adult and making a move on you, as he would on any attractive woman. As others have said, he's testing the water. I would ignore it too, unless he pushes it, in which case I would tell him straight that I wasn't interested. But then of course he will say, "What are you suggesting? I didn't mean that at all!" The creep.

goldenchicken · 01/05/2019 15:46

Ewww, what is about 'mature' men (I mean in age like 45-50+- not mentality!) and expecting young attractive 20-something women to fall at their feet?!

Do they think they look like Zac Efron? (when they're 52-57 y.o.???)

Ewww ewww ewww..

Now I sound anything but mature!

YANBU OP. Tell him to stop, and if he doesn't, tell HR.

Have to say I would feel very awkward working for someone I know..... (And had known for many years!)

KittyInTheCradle · 01/05/2019 15:47

100% inappropriate. He is an embarrassment.

dottiedodah · 01/05/2019 16:00

This is very odd indeed.A man old enough to be your father is asking you round to his house in the evenings for"drinks"!.and doesnt want his ex partner finding out!.I would look around for some other sort of employment if at all possible ,and steer clear of this man .If he tries to contact you again ,say you have a new boyfriend of your own age. (little white lie here) and say you and your friend are always talking about your dads together ,and laughing about their little ways!.If his intentions were honorable then hed have no problems with his ex knowing would he?!

OurChristmasMiracle · 01/05/2019 16:07

The reason I can think of for him wanting calls not messages is that then you have no proof if he becomes inappropriate. It becomes a he said she said where as with messages it’s proof.

The fact that he has reduced your hours when he hasn’t got the desired response reinforces that thought.

Someoneonlyyouknow · 01/05/2019 16:14

Look for another job.

Depending on your contract it may be worth speaking to HR and if he wasn't a friend's father I would definitely say put in a complaint about him. However, it would be a case of your word against his and he would doubtless deny everything or say you misunderstood him. And you would probably lose a friend as well. You could text him to say his invitations are inappropriate but you won't have evidence of what he has done if he hasn't texted you.

So good luck with finding another job. Don't involve your friend.

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 01/05/2019 17:07

OP, why do you think you'd fall out with your friend if you said something?

Original poster

Daisyintherain · 01/05/2019 17:11

Contessals - I just assume she will take his 'side' so to speak. If not a fall out, it will certainly be awkward.

Keeping my distance and looking for another job. Thanks for the replies

OP posts:

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 01/05/2019 18:07

Why do you think that?

I’d want to know if my dad was a perv...

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 01/05/2019 18:09

Daisy, if a friend said to me that my dad had been phoning me so regularly and was insistent that it be secret, I'd be bloody horrified for her and so very apologetic!

Maybe it's in how you frame it; bring him into the conversation apropos of something else.

"Oh yes, your dad said something about that when he called me the other evening".

"You talked to my dad on the phone? What for?"

"Oh, he calls quite a lot just to chat. I was a bit surprised when it started, tbh. He seems quite keen to stay in touch outside of work, but he did say his ex wouldn't like it if we're in contact on Facebook."

Then don't say anything else. Let it hang. With any luck she'll work it out.

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