Give you the background to not drip feed.Just over a year ago I went with my DH to his parents. And they were quite frankly vile.
They told him he was horrible because when came to visit them on Father’s Day (about 2 weeks prior) he didn’t bring a card (despite going up specially and buying a meal) and DH’s DS “got them a card”! (She didn’t visit).
When he tried to explain that he thought a visit was better than a piece of cardboard they only throw away a week later and he only tends to buy cards for people if he can’t get to see them on the day, they got really nasty and started accusing him of not caring and being cheap by not buying a card. I didn’t say anything because a) I hate rows b) he perfectly capable of defending himself and c) I didn’t think it was my place to say anything.
We had visited my father earlier in the day and had lunch with him before going to theirs and taking them out for tea. Both sets of parents live in the same area(ish) of UK so we did one meal with each but we’d specifically chosen to go up that day because it was Father’s Day.
Then they turned on me! Basically accusing me of only wanting to see my Dad, and I bet he got a a card (he didn’t - but he did get a gift but only because it was his birthday too!) I said that we’d decided to go to both parents on the same day because they’re both fathers (you know it was father’s day!?) and it was expensive for us to travel twice on separate days to the same area. Then they started on about how I was all about the money!
They do always offer us petrol money when we go up but we don’t ask, they offer and DH usually accepts because they get arsey when he doesn’t and tbh it does help. It’s a long way.
DH got up and said I’m used to you insulting me but I won’t have you insulting my wife and he basically walked out with me in tow with his father hurling abuse about never coming back. I cried pretty much all the way home as it was so out of the blue and I didn’t know what I had done. And his dad was really nasty.
Anyway we decided that from then on DH would only ever go back if there was an emergency, and would only ever send a card ( and flowers) for birthday wishes etc. I said I never wanted to go again and he agreed that he would never make me.
About a week later it was my birthday and they sent me a cheque, which I returned as I was still hurt at the comments about only wanting their money and I felt if I wasn’t going to be part of their life I shouldn’t accept the cheque either!?
A few weeks after that with his DS mediating he started to talk to them again and said that he was still really angry at the way I was spoken to and they needed to apologise (they haven’t) and they said they were upset I’d returned the cheque!
So there has been a truce between them and DH, and they have said I’ll be welcome if I visit. But I don’t want to.
Anyway.... fast forward to now..... MIL is ill and DH wants to go visit (he’s been up a couple of times already for funerals and hospital admits etc but I’ve always stayed at home and not gone.) because she’s really very poorly, and because she’s so poorly he wants me to go too to say goodbye. But I don’t want to. I feel it’s hypocritical of me to suddenly go all “oh I’m sorry you’re poorly “ and if she’s that ill surely it will look even more like I’m “after the money” (I’m not, I’ve got enough for my needs.)
I’m also a little cross after promising not to make me go again if I don’t want to, my DH is putting this emotional pressure on me to go.
AIBU? I get why he wants me to go, but I really really don’t want to. But I guess I’ll have to put my suck it up pants on and go but only because I adore my DH and I’ll do it for him. I guess I just want to know if IABU because I’m to close to see it objectively.