To wonder if MN makes you question your relationships?

[Lifeonmars77]

I've only been on MN a few months and sometimes find myself reading threads where a poster (either as the OP or within a thread) may have experienced something similar to me or be in a similar situation.

All fine and I get that everyone's different, but I'm sometimes finding that reading some posts and responses are highlighting things in my own life I hadn't considered before. For example relationships (or things that happen within them) that you think are fine/the norm but then start to question that they're not.

Does that make sense? Sorry I'm not sure if I'm putting it across the right way!

Sort of. I’m single and have been for two years. Reading Mumsnet reinforces my view that being single is the most sensible thing to do, at least until my ds (10) has left home.

I’m not sure if that’s sad or not.

I'm shocked at what so many women put up with just to be in a relationship. Sad to see such low standards and people just so afraid of being single they'll put up with any old arsehole.

Generally the women who post LTB, do so because they are in good relationships and know it could be so much better.

But I think in the clear, unadulterated waters of someone else's thread, it's easier to look at the bald facts and say LTB without having to engage with the messy complications of real life. There's often an assumption that someone who isn't ready to leave a crappy relationship is in denial, rather than weighing things up in a more nuanced way. Ending relationships isn't just a matter of whether: when and how are important too and can have far-reaching implications for what comes afterwards, especially where there are children to think of. (I'm not talking about abusive or dangerous situations, to be clear.) I think the LTB crowd can be very intolerant of posters who want to talk about that.

I too feel like it's opened my eyes to there being so much more going on behind closed doors. I am a fairly open person and have been quite down in the past about sharing issues with friends in real life and not one of them ever letting on they have any issues with their relationships or families. It made me feel like a failure as a wife and as a parent. It was the reason I joined the site in the first place. I'm glad I have because I know I am not alone and that in fact there are women in much much worse situations than I am.

MattFreis If I am honest I don't really understand why someone in Britain in a bad relationship, would choose to stay in it?

Bloody love Mumsnet, the awareness raising on here is brilliant. Women no longer have to "like it or lump it".

I don't think 'LTB' on its own is usually brilliant advice, because so many women in bad or abusive relationships won't be in a place to do that mentally or practically. It can still be very valuable for women to hear that what they're dealing with is bad, though, and MN is really good at that. You don't need to commit to leaving your bloke to understand that he's treating you unfairly or cruelly.

It's a lot easier to leave a bad relationship if you have the support of family or friends, a job or an adequate stash of money, a decent credit rating, the option of childcare, children who are healthy, good health yourself, have alternative housing lined up, are mentally strong and are clear that the end of the relationship will be better (or at least OK) for your children as well as for yourself - or at least some of the above. Not everyone is in that position when they post and that can go on for some time. I think there is a tendency on the part of some MNers to think that sort of consideration is excusifying rather than genuine pause for thought. Unless your life, health or sanity are in danger, walking out with just the clothes on your back isn't a good decision for most people, yet that kind of B&W thinking can sometimes be pushed on women who are in a vulnerable place. There is often an impatience with the extended weighing-up process that most people naturally go through when they're deciding to leave a relationship. Understandable in a way, since MN is a form of entertainment among other things and someone else's protracted decision-making process can lack that, but the flipside is that genuinely vulnerable people can get hurt sometimes, I think.

I find MN makes me feel very lucky in my relationship. I didn't realise how many horrible people there are out there! Some of the shit that the women on here have been through gives me chills. Still, I think it's worth remembering that people are only going to be posting if something bad is happening. No one is posting on here just to say that they are happy and their relationship is going well, because why would they, iyswim?

Also MN makes me wish I or my DH had rich parents. All the threads about inheriting a shitload money, or being gifted £10,000 at their wedding, or MIL offering to buy a house for you etc. I know the green eyed monster does no one any good but i do suffer from it sometimes and MN tends to bring it out of me

Yes, but not with a partner (I’m single and happily so, having dated shitbags and now working on my self esteem) but with my parents. It made me realise how abusive my dad was and I’ve now gone NC, and LC with my mum. It feels liberating.

Reading the relationship board made me more and more depressed every day...then I realised I was in a abusive relationships. I am not anymore :)