To take it to the charity shop...

[sillyfamilyfueds]

My DN is having a baby girl & I'm having a boy I saved stuff from my DD that I no longer need. Even though me and my sister don't speak at all I offered to drop the stuff of for her to give to her son for his baby, my DH text her DH and the reply was "drop it of at SIL house, sorry I tried"

So she is that pathetic she won't even allow my DH to knock on the door and drop a huge bag of free baby stuff of for her soon to be granddaughter

AIBU to just take it to the charity shop or should I be the adult and go out of my way to drop it at SIL's house?

@HelenUrth @LagunaBubbles they don't have a lot of money, i asked his GF if she would want it if my sister allowed me to drop it of and she was very nice and said yes, this isn't a load of cheap tat its stuff from next mamas & papas and mothercare that I kept for second baby all like new, I don't want a relationship with my sister she is very spiteful and is holding a grudge for nothing she isn't the kind of person I want in my life! I haven't tried to speak to my nephew for a long time but if I see his Gf she always speaks hence why I wanted to give her the stuff.

I will drop the stuff at my mums for my SIL to pick up because even though I would rather drop the stuff to the shop the soft side of me would rather see the innocent new baby get the nice things, but thank you all so much for your advice ❤️

Given your nephew doesn't speak to you either take it to a charity shop, if it was just your sister being a barrier I'd say take it to SIL but he might not want it anyway. It was a nice gesture.

X post just saw your update about his gf saying she would like it. I think you're being a really nice person to do this.

Tbh if I had reason to not want anything to do with a family member, I wouldn't want them dropping stuff off at my house and I would be questioning their motivation.

The fact that you describe her as 'that pathetic' leads me to think you don't like her much either, so I do wonder why you are doing this. Do you want to do a nice thing, or do you want to be seen to be doing a nice thing so you can then use it against her if you don't get the thanks you feel you deserve? I don't need an answer to that, because theres only one answer that you would post on here. But it might be worth considering what you were actually hoping to achieve here.

My advice? Move on and stop trying to get involved where you aren't wanted.

Cross posted! You've answered that all in your last post. I hope your things are appreciated by the recipients.

Obviously we don’t know what went on here to cause this rift in your family but they clearly feel strongly that they don’t want your gifts. Under the circumstances I think you should step back from the situation. You’ve been the bigger person and made the offer so leave it there. Keep it for someone more appreciative or take it to the charity shop.

@GottenGottenGotten erm what I wanted was for the stuff that I spent my hard earned money on to go to someone who will appreciate it, which I know my nephews girlfriend will.

I don't want any thanks or anything from my sister, I tried to 'make things right' with her a while back and got no were with her so it does not bother me anymore, you cant try with someone who never grew up, but thats not what I came here to talk about! 😁 have a nice day.

Just put it in the charity shop, someone there will appreciate it.
There’s no way I’d be going to so much effort for someone who won’t even give me the time of day.

Charity shop.
If you leave the bad with clothes by their door it will probably end up in the charity shop as well.

If his family don't want anything from you then it would be quite disrespectful for the girlfriend to accept the clothes.
I wouldn't have liked my child to wear something given by a family member I don't like.
Take it to the charity and forget about them even if it's hurting.

what I wanted was for the stuff that I spent my hard earned money on to go to someone who will appreciate it, which I know my nephews girlfriend will.

She will appreciate but what about your nephew? It's his baby as well.

In light of your update, speak to the girlfriend, as you and she have a good relationship.

TBH its a little passive aggressive of you to push your unwanted clothes on them via your sister and nephew.

They aren't unwanted though? They want them but my sister wants me to take them to my SIL (brothers wife) who will then take them to my sisters next time she goes round, which I said in my original post?

I think you are being a GF.
you know they don't want contact with you but you are going out of your way to initiate it.
You use derogatory language about them and describe the baby as ''innocent''.
The girlfriend that is talking to you and being ''nice'' might just be too embarrassed to scared to say no to your face, or out of the loop.

Take the items to the charity shop and respect other peoples wishes not to have any contact with you.

She will appreciate but what about your nephew? It's his baby as well

I thought you said somewhere back that he doesn't speak to you either - so I would stay well out of it and donate the clothes to charity.

Your intentions are probably good but your sis could well see this as unwelcome contact, so I would just keep my distance tbh - not worth the hassle!

While this is a lovely thing to do, it appears that this donation is now involving lots of people who don't need to be involved. Is there any way you can give it directly to the girlfriend given you're in touch with her? Cuts out the faff.

I was given all new things by a family member when DS was born. A family member I dislike intensely and was clearly only doing it for the show of giving me a big bag of new and branded items - they're still sitting in their bag in the garage over a year later cos i would rather go out and buy new stuff than put DS in this persons "gift"

My point being take it to the charity shop!

I agree with @TheInebriati - why on earth are you so determined to give your old baby stuff to a family who don't want anything to do with you? We're NC with MIL's DB, and if he or any of his family offered stuff for our DC we would refuse. The GF may be agreeing to it to keep the peace, or she may not know the full story. It just seems a bit goady to be so determined to make them have the stuff.

You sound so goady. Despite the sweetly sweetly I just want to help you innocent simpering, it's obvious that this is a fuck you to your sister.

It's your DN as well as your sister who's not talking so I'd take the baby things to a charity shop.

How odd

Op'Aibu to take it to Charity shop?'

Posters 'No Yanbu'

Despite the sweetly sweetly I just want to help you innocent simpering, it's obvious that this is a fuck you to your sister.

I agree with this, harsh though it sounds. If someone wants nothing to do with you, rightly or wrongly, forcing a whole lot of emotionally heavy stuff on them isn't the way to go. If I were you I'd have written to niece and said that you have a bunch of x's baby things going spare, could she let you know in the next week if she'd like them, otherwise you'll make other plans for them. And then leave it.

'I will drop the stuff at my mums for my SIL to pick up'

Ok