To not want to be a medical guinea pig whilst being treated for suspected sepsis, one day postpartum whilst very unwell

[Februaryblooms]

In hospital after being induced with DD who was born yesterday morning. DD has jaundice and is on a blue light in the crib but she's doing ok as per monitoring.

It was a quick labour that ended up with me having a second degree tear and stitches. I've been losing alot of clots, am weak and have been told I have some retained placental products.

I've had cannulas galore, constant blood tests etc and somewhere among that lot I've contracted an infection that they won't yet call sepsis but have strongly hinted toward that being what it is and said they are screening and treating me for it "just in case"

I'm currently laid up having a blood transfusion after rushing through two IV doses of antibiotics, multiple bags of fluid, and am told I may need to go to theatre to remove the retained products if they don't expel themselves/If the antibiotics don't work soon. I'm incredibly poorly, sweating, have poor (high heart rate, blood pressure, temperature) and can't leave my bed or tend to my newborn, fortunately my partner is here and is being brilliant.

I'm positively terrified to be honest and have never felt so vulnerable in my life after hearing the word "Sepsis"

My AIBU is:

AIBU to not want my treatment process used to teach the student midwives/staff. Every procedure and obs I have is being undertaken by the student staff over seen and walked through by senior staff who are all absolutely lovely but it's making me feel like a guinea pig laying here helpless, whilst my condition is being used to train the students.

I haven't said anything, I don't know if I have any right to. I'm being treated regardless aren't I and can't afford to go private.

Am I being ridiculous and over reacting because of my current state? How would you feel? Is this the norm?

Nobody has asked whether I mind so I assume I don't have a choice.

I'm not bashing the NHS and I'm grateful I'm being looked after. I'm

Gin cake & wine are definitely on the agenda once I'm back on home turf!

Everything has happened so quickly I've barely had time to process much of it. I had anxiety issues beforehand so I'm hoping I manage to get my head around it and leave it all where it belongs! X

@Pungifries can I ask whether your issue was birth related?

I'm a bit disappointed in myself for my OP about the students in hindsight, they've all been absolutely lovely to us. With me, it was more about the dynamic in the room than the students themselves. I felt overlooked as a person and more like a test subject, but in hindsight its fair to say that the senior staff had a responsibility to ensure that wasn't the case and should have ensured that.

@ Februaryblooms...yes, mine occurred about 5 hours after giving birth. I began to feel very unwell and quite agitated. Told DH who tried to get a midwife but they didn’t seem very interested. A lovely student midwife did listen to DH luckily as when they ended up putting an arrest call out for me as blood pressure dropped to 50/30 and I was bleeding. Dread to think what might have happened if she hadn’t listened like the qualified midwives.
Obviously you are completely within your rights to ask for them not to take part in your care but for my experience I’m very glad a student was there x

I felt overlooked as a person and more like a test subject,

Please do not feel like that it isnt intended, my guess is that you are in a University teaching hospital with a med school tacked on, and you can get the impression that you are a Guinea piggy as you say!. However they do tend to have very clever people around, bin there experenced that!, but all the same you are the number one in this.

Your illness won't be a straight line recovery you will have up's and downs and it may take a bit of time as yet before your out of there.

Hope babe is on the mend soon:)

Pungifries I wish my blood pressue was a "bit" nearer yours but that was a close shave that! It does go to show that the people treating you are just human beings and can make mistakes, can not notice and miss things, it does happen and they don't of course ever mean that to happen, and yep sometimes the junoir person around can see something that the big cheese might have missed.

It can be said that;

There but for the grace of god go I ..

I’m a student nurse and would always introduce myself and seek consent for me to carry out any care at all. It’s rude and unprofessional for them to expect you to just be ok with it.
You have every right to refuse.
Congratulations on the birth of your baby, hoping you feel better soon

Glad to hear the culture was negative this time.

I think anemia is just awful. I had a transfusion post partum, but struggled with anemia for ages after that. I also can't tolerate iron tablets, so eventually had to get and iron transfusion...that was great but for a while it was worse as I had symptoms of iron poisoning until things equlibrated....

Anyway, the point is, that will definitely make you feel like shit!

Midwife said last night my iron levels were back up to 90(?) So they wouldn't be looking to do another transfusion or iron infusion.

The readings seem bizarre to me as I just feel so weird and out of sorts

Have started to accept perhaps at least some of what I'm feeling is exhaustion and anxiety. I spoke to a midwife who's offered to put in a referral to my GP for CBT for the anxiety (which is through the roof non surprisingly) and the health visitor will be visiting me a bit more regularly than they would somebody who hadn't had these complications.

Can't wait to go home (tomorrow I'm told) but at the same time I'm scared. It's odd

I'm not surprised your ambivalent about going home. I was pretty scared after a major health incident too. You should watch for signs in yourself of PTSD etc. because such a shocking experience can easily provoke a response like that.

Its takes several weeks for a change in iron to become an increase in haemoglobin and hence an actual increase in oxygen carrying capacity. Give yourself some time (easy with two small kids I'm sure!) and keep an eye on your mental health.

I'm extremely hypervigilant at the moment and mindful about things like PTSD. I'm hoping to nip it in the bud asap, so fingers crossed the referral for CBT comes through quickly.

I've got my partner and mum on hand to help out alot which I'm thankful for. DP has one week left of paternity leave but mum will step in and spend the day time with me when I need her to. I couldn't have gotten through this without them, they've been amazing at lightening the load.

Midwives said that I'll start feeling alot better after a few days at home so hoping that's the case.

It's been the scariest week of my life, I'll never take my health for granted again

Thank you for explaining about the haemoglobin @M3lon that does make sense, reassured me a little that it's normal to still be feeling so odd despite the iron levels reporting as ok.

Sorry to hear you also had a major health incident. I hope you're ok now? What helped you regain some equilibrium and a feeling of normality after what happened, may I ask?

Oh mine was a long time ago...and tbh I fell in the trap of thinking well worse happens every day, so I shouldn't complain/feel the way I do. It festered for years and years and made me very ill in the end. Then I got some proper treatment and understood that it doesn't matter if other people don't react the same way, what matters is how YOU react and if its still doing you damage...

I got some PTSD treatment and my life has been improving from that point forward.

I preferred the students to some of the senior staff in hospital but if your not up for it your simply NOT UP TO IT

we need different 💐

Well you must be in better shape than what you feel if there're letting you home that soon. You will i rather suspect feel a bit odd from time to time for a while but please consult further on the anxiety issue!

And try to stop worring and enjoy the little one:-)

That's what I'm telling myself, if i was still dangerously ill then I wouldn't be going home. All my obs are ok and no longer any sign of infection in my blood. The doctors did reiterate that I may feel rubbish for a few weeks, so im reminding myself of that when my mind goes off on a tangent.

All ready to go home now just waiting for discharge medication (oral antibiotics, iron tablets and injections)

Great news Febuary!, and how is the little one may I ask?.

Think how ill you can be home and not need to be in hospital. You've been way more ill than that and are only now just about well enough to downgrade to home. It'll take some time, plus youve also got the fear of having been really quite unwell that makes you scrutinize every inch of how you feel and wonder if it's serious. Be patient with yourself .

Do you have a thermometer at home for when you are feeling paranoid and can reassure yourself with a nice 37ishC temperature?

Thank you for being kind guys, I keep popping back here to 're read comments for reassurance. I don't want to keep bugging poor DP with "do you think this is normal?"

Baby DD is doing perfectly, she's snoozing as I type and will want feeding shortly.

I keep over analysing my every feeling and going into little panics so trying to keep myself grounded by reminding myself I wouldn't be at home if I was dangerously ill now. I've got a bit of discomfort in my ears which feels like an infection but with the amount of antibiotics I've had and am still on, that doesn't seem probable.

I do have a thermometer but am almost scared to use it and it become obsessional

I keep over analysing my every feeling and going into little panics

Yes quite, and unecessary but getting you to believe that another matter if it were that simple! I think you have made excellent progress overall under the treatment regime and so it seems has young Febuary too which is also excellent news:-)

See if they can arranage some counselling or whatever to help alivate this even if it was reduced by a small amount it would help overall.

And as siad the other day do expect minor bumps in the recovery road you have coped with a lot recently and came through it, so well done:-)

Thank you very much for saying @Justaboy that's most kind of you.

Will definitely be looking into counselling for sure, I'll mention it to my health visitor when she comes but I plan to see the GP before long also as I'll need my 6 week PP check up regardless.

Looking forward to happier, healthy days with the children

Really glad to hear you and baby are home and doing well if a little nervous.

Make sure you don't start beating yourself up over it. Most people are going to be feeling shakey and uncertain. You've had a major knock to your confidence (not to mention your body) and you are going to be a while getting that physical and mental confidence back.

How's your little boy doing? Did he miss you?

OP - so glad you’re home and wishing you all well for the future.

February huge congratulations on getting home, well done my lovely. Now, do you remember that utter panic when you took dc1 home, this is no different. Breathe, breathe and breathe. Rest, and rest some more. You've got this. You're home, baby February is home, lock the door, turn off phones, be a family.

What you’re feeling is normal and to be expected after being so unwell.

DD had a spell in NICU and I had severe pre-eclampsia. The first few days and nights were home were terrifying.

Be kind to yourself, rest as much as you can and don’t be scared to ask for help and most of all take time to enjoy being a family and newborn snuggles.