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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What do I do?

27 replies

TheBlueHen · 29/04/2019 17:41

21 year old son who has never had a girlfriend met a girl last Thursday.

He's brought her home today whilst my partner and I were out without asking. They are currently in his bedroom.

It's my birthday and we are supposed to be going to dinner as a family tonight.

He asked on Saturday night if she could stay over.

This is new territory.

What do I do?

OP posts:
formerbabe · 29/04/2019 17:42

Ask her breezily if she'll be joining you all for dinner?

iklboo · 29/04/2019 17:43

I think only a few days knowing her is a bit soon to be staying over - but that might just be me.

Original poster
TheBlueHen · 29/04/2019 17:44

I don't want to take a stranger out for dinner on my birthday.

I also don't want her staying over until I've got to know her, at least, a bit.

I'm not being unreasonable am I?

OP posts:
FadedRed · 29/04/2019 17:45

Set a place for her at the dinner table.

Original poster
TheBlueHen · 29/04/2019 17:46

We are going out to a restaurant for my birthday

OP posts:
Whatelsecouldibecalled · 29/04/2019 17:47

You might not want her to come for dinner but if your son has found someone he really likes and have plucked up the courage to see her maybe let her come along? It wouldn’t bother me if she came too. Get to know her. She will probably say no...

Rachelle11 · 29/04/2019 17:47

I would invite her even though I didn't want her there. But I think you could easily say "DS we are leaving in an hour for dinner. Does Jill want us to drop her off anywhere?"

Aquamarine1029 · 29/04/2019 17:48

Your son is being incredibly rude. If you don't want a strange girl staying in your home, say so. I certainly wouldn't allow it.

formerbabe · 29/04/2019 17:51

If your ds wants her to join you, then you should let her.

Shoxfordian · 29/04/2019 17:52

Ask him if he wants to invite her as well

SihtricsHorseWitnere · 29/04/2019 17:56

Go out to dinner with you and your partner and leave them both. Personally, and I have teens myself, but bringing someone home to stay over two days after they met would not fly in our home.

I would not be paying for some stranger he's known for 3 days to have dinner out with the family.

MereDintofPandiculation · 29/04/2019 17:59

21 is old to never have had a girlfriend. Please don't nip it in the bud. Either invite her (dropping into conversation casually that everyone is paying for their own). or follow Rachelle's suggestion. Or go without them.

I'd feel awkward inviting strangers to into my home and not allowing my adult son to do the same.

stucknoue · 29/04/2019 18:01

Welcome to adult kids! Its a bit awkward that it's your birthday but I would speak to your son and ask if he wants her to come

Alsohuman · 29/04/2019 18:02

I’d suck it up and take her for dinner.

chocolatebuttonsandcheese · 29/04/2019 18:02

You either invite her or go without her

isseywithcats · 29/04/2019 18:05

i too would invite her theres nothing strengthens a budding relationship if the parties think no one wants them to be together, if its going to last it will, i have the same on sunday taking my son out for lunch for his birthday and his girlfriend and her girls are coming, i have met her twice and only one of her children so dont know the other daughter at all it will be fine a chance to suss her out a bit you never know could be a good night out

AdaColeman · 29/04/2019 18:06

Tonight offer to take her out to dinner.

Tomorrow have a firm discussion about your House Rules.

suziQ10 · 29/04/2019 18:07

He's 21 and never had a girlfriend before. That's unusual and great he's now found somebody. Be welcoming and nice to her.

I think it's really strange when MN parents have adult children living with them, in their 20s and yet consider the house 'their house'. It's not only yours, another adult lives there and shares the house and should be able to have a boyfriend / girlfriend to stay if they so wish while living there. Which is entirely normal. There are other options such as grown up child moving out.

Drum2018 · 29/04/2019 18:13

It's one thing to have a boyfriend/girlfriend staying over, it's another to have a stranger staying over. I wouldn't allow it. You have a right to know exactly who is coming into and staying in your house.
As for dinner, knock on the bedroom door and remind him that dinner is at whatever time.

SihtricsHorseWitnere · 29/04/2019 18:19

It's funny, because there's a thread on here featuring an OP whose 23-year-old DD brought home a random man and the overwhelming response was that this was unacceptable, but the OP here is supposed to ask her son's random to go out to dinner with them for her birthday? He hasn't even 'known' her for a week.

SihtricsHorseWitnere · 29/04/2019 18:21

Now someone you've known/shagged since Thursday is automatically a boyfriend or girlfriend and you have to welcome this stranger into your house and pay for their dinner out as a family? For real?

Yes, it's our house. And if I were single, I'd not bringing back some random bloke into it and expect my kids to rollover and 'welcome' him into family life Hmm.

Hadalifeonce · 29/04/2019 18:25

I think I would take him to one side to remind him of the dinner arrangement, then see what his reaction is. If he would like her to come, I would probably suck it up, if he said he didn't want to come, I would tell him I'm a bit disappointed (emotional blackmail, I know!!!). I anticipate coming to this point in the near future, dreading it.

Takethebuscuitandthesink · 29/04/2019 18:25

I think it is just about basic hospitality just ask her if she will be joining you for dinner. Build bridges.

Original poster
TheBlueHen · 29/04/2019 18:26

Well, he's appeared and has brought her down and introduced us. He's taken her back home now but will now be late for dinner.

Not ideal but could have been worse.

OP posts:
Bibijayne · 29/04/2019 18:28

I'd gently remind your DS that you're having a family birthday meal. Not unreasonable to not want a random.

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