To ask how you know when its genuinely over?

[mum2three0]

Just that

I knew when I dreaded turning the corner into our street and seeing his car parked outside the house, my heart would sink. When he ended it I felt a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders ... I could breathe again. Sending big hugs xx

His car came up the drive and I burst into tears and a I thought ...I don’t want to be with him . Then tried desperately to unthink that thought for the next two years. We are divorcing now.

You just have this feeling. With my first husband I just knew I would rather be single for ever than continue in a relationship with him.

( been married 26 years )

Well he has just shown me he is incredibly petty and my immediate thought is I cbf with you anymore.
I'm very glad we made the decision to cancel our wedding!!

Mine was vocalising the fact that I didnt want to get married, to my work colleagues (of all people).

Following that, my counsellor.

As soon as he gave me an ultimatum, that was it. You either marry me or we break up.

That was the very moment I knew.

When the phone rings, his name pops up and you feel irritated and sometimes ignore the call.
When the sexual attraction has gone, he kisses you on the lips and you get a worm of revulsion in your belly.
You stop wanting to spend time with his friends and family.
Every minor slightly annoying habit he has becomes HUGELY irritating.
You start daydreaming about living with just the kids and planning what you will do with your time off when it’s his contact time with the DC.
You start squirrelling away money.
He stays out all night with his mates after telling you he will be home by midnight and you don’t care, you enjoy having full control of the tv and being able to stretch out in bed.
I realise that I probably stay in relationships for far longer than I should.

I spent far too much time daydreaming about having my own place and not having to deal with him anymore. We went for relationship counselling and the counsellor asked us why we were together. I couldn't think of a single positive thing he brought to my life. It took a couple of weeks to really sink in and for me to move out. Best thing I ever did.

I didn't want the normal peck kiss goodbye as I left his house. We'd been struggling a while but I saw him in my rear view mirror as I drove away and knew we were over.

When you feel relief from not arguing

When you don’t miss them

When you feel relief you no longer have to deal with the drama they create

Hmm I'm not sure.
I'm sat here crying but I just don't know if I'm over reacting.
Being alone frightens the shit out of me especially with 3 children under the age of 5.
We don't do anything sexual (probably because of the kids) I can't remember the last time we kissed. We don't hug.
He has no mates to go out with 😅 and works evenings so I get the telly anyway! But just looking at him all I get it "cbf" feeling.
Frankly I'd just love to run away from life!!

Anybody else?
Still feeling pretty rubbish

I used to fantasise about being with someone who had my back, because exH didn’t. When he finally admitted he had cheated on me what I felt most was relief!

I am wondering if it is him that is the problem, or your lifestyle. I have 4 small kids, and it wreaked havoc on our relationship.

It is Soo difficult not to let small things get out of perspective, not to have resentment build up because of perceived inequalities, when really it's just that you're both physically and mentally drained. At least, that was my experience.

Now that the youngest are three, I'm starting to like my husband again

You can’t be bothered with them anymore, it’s as simple as that. Mildly irritating things become huge issues, their mere presence can wind you up and you feel revolted by their attempts at affection.

I stopped having sex with my exH a long time before our marriage ended for good, I didn’t want to be anywhere near him.

I think you sound pretty depressed. With 3 young children I totally understand why. If you're not sure, it's possibly not the end. You possibly just need a bit of distance from the relationship, a bit of space, a bit of your own autonomy. Maybe talk to him about how you're feeling and see if he'd be open to the idea of creating a bit of breathing room for you both to grow and develop a bit on your own.

Maybe the 'problem' is not him or the relationship, but that you're tired, worn out, focussed on the children at the moment, and missing yourself.

When I realised he had absolutely no respect for me.

DesperadoDan has nailed it. I couldn't agree more. I also knew when we had a two week Caribbean cruise booked and I couldn't even stay in the relationship to go on that!! I now feel a HUGE sense of relief and I don't miss him, but then I was in a controlling relationship so I'm just pleased to be out.

I think I am a bit depressed, every day is full of the same shit. (Kids not behaving, kids not listening, kids tantruming) we/I never get a break and I'm so fed up of it.
Ok that is a bit of a lie as the oldest one is at nursery but even then it feels like as soon as you're home from dropping him off, you're back to collect him!!

Yes, I'd agree you sound depressed. It's usually a good idea if you're not sure what to do, to do whatever keeps your options open. So tackle the possible depression first, then if you regain your enthusiasm for life and still want to ditch him, you can. But if you ditch him first, find you're still depressed, then tackle the depression and realise you'd like him back, that's not going to be possible.

Yes I suspected you might be. I really think you should deal with that first since it's very hard to have any feelings for people when you're worn out. And when I say 'deal with that' I don't mean medicate yourself, I mean what I said above - change something (if that's at all possible). I think you're having a very normal, sane response to the situation you're in (3 children under 5, and whatever else life is throwing at you right now) so I don't mean stop being depressed, I just mean stop - say yeah this phase of my life is pretty bloody hard going. What can I do to ease things up a bit? Just sort of take stock. Go easy on yourself - give yourself a break, give your partner a break (I mean gimme a break, not take a break from life - although of course if you can find time/money to 'have a break' then that would be a no-brainer too), give your relationship a break. Just find ways to live through this phase as peacefully and consciously as possible.

As I said above, getting some space would be my advice.

This is rather rambly - I'm a single parent to 3 small children and was up a gazillion times in the night with my littlest one and am zombified today! I endured the divorce with 3 under 6 route and seriously would recommend trying all other options before you head down my path. XX

I don't think I would be depressed if I didn't have kids though it's their constant shit that brings me down

OP, do you get any help at all? Some time for yourself only during the day?
There is 12 months difference between my kids and I can say the time when they were 2-3 was the most terrible in our marriage.

Well my partner is home during the day and says I'm free to go out but 1) nowhere to go
2) no money to do anything
3) I have possible undiagnosed anxiety and just don't like going anywhere by myself
So no not really, although my partner just insists that I purposely choose not to do anything.

We have 8m old, 2 yr old and 4 yr old.
I can't think of a single good thing about their ages. I get pissed off all the time, I constantly shout, if I'm not shouting I'm crying.
I got the Injection last month not sure if that's making me feel like rhis but I'm just miserable.

I can't remember the last time I was actually happy. But what would make me happy is getting rid of my kids. I'd miss them but my God the peace, being able to go to the toilet without being followed, being able to eat a meal without having to share it, not having to shout!!!