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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

We shouldn't have to pay this much?

49 replies

Shellingtonseaotter · 29/04/2019 10:08

My MIL had a big birthday earlier this year and to celebrate has invited DH, me and our two children (4&2) together with my SIL, BIL and their DD (10) to go away on holiday for May half term.
MIL booked a villa and paid a deposit (50%) of the week's cost.
Then DH decided we would stay for two weeks as he has to have 10 days consecutive holiday per year and so we contacted the same resort to hire a smaller/ cheaper villa for the second week (the week before half term).
Then SIL decided not to come Hmm and so we asked MIL if she would like to come for two weeks too as she didn't want to fly on her own.
Anyway, there was lots of to-Ing and fro-Ing and we have ended up booking the larger (5 bed) villa for two weeks.
The balance was due this week - we expected to pay for the first week 100% as we booked it but thought that MIL would still pay for the second week as that was the original plan.
However, she has forwarded the email to DH saying that he needs to pay 50/50.
For context, the first week falls into lower season and so is €1600 but the half term week goes up to €2000 - each week has been booked separately with the resort (I hope that makes sense!).
So we are now paying €2600 for a two week holiday in a villa with more bedrooms than we need (MIL wanted to keep the bigger one in case SIL changed her mind) which started out as a week's "free" holiday.
AIBU to think that MIL should keep to her word and pay for the week she booked or at least pay 50% of the two week booking? I feel we have been shafted!

OP posts:
EleanorReally · 29/04/2019 10:10

I would just cancel the second week after all
problem solved.

Jozen · 29/04/2019 10:14

Yep, cancel the second week.

RestingBitchFaced · 29/04/2019 10:15

Cancel the second week definitely

DogHairEverywhere · 29/04/2019 11:05

Just to clarify. Did your MIL offer to pay for the entire holiday when it was just a week for you and sil (So it would have cost her £2000)?
Then you booked another villa (in this case £1600), which you were happy to pay for?

I think i would just tell mil you can only afford to pay the original £1600, that you budgeted for.

If the villa that you've booked for 'your' week is larger to cater for sil potentially changing her mind, and this was mil's idea, then this should be explained to her and she can pay the difference.

I'd just tell her that you'd budgeted £xx for your holiday, anything extra that she offered, or caused to be more expensive she will have to pay for, or you will have to cancel the bits you can't afford.

Thehop · 29/04/2019 11:08

Cancel the second week.

Beachbodynowayready · 29/04/2019 11:10

I would bet sil will wait til it's all paid for then announce she is coming after all....

MaMaMaMySharona · 29/04/2019 11:12

Her DM has already paid a 50% deposit for the second week so presumably can't just cancel it without incurring this cost?

Alsohuman · 29/04/2019 11:15

So MiL has already paid 50% of the first week and is asking you to pay the other 50%, have I got that right? As you can see, I’m confused, it doesn’t take much!

MadSweeney · 29/04/2019 11:16

To echo everyone else, cancel the second week and book somewhere nice in the UK.

ThanksItHasPockets · 29/04/2019 11:30

Cancel the second week and either book somewhere in the UK or have the time at home as a family.

Original poster
Shellingtonseaotter · 29/04/2019 11:38

To add - flights are booked and paid for also so we cannot just change the dates.
I just can't work out how we have managed to get into this mess! We don't even need to go away at half term 🙈
So week one 18-25th May is €1600, we booked and paid for that ourselves
Week 2 (the original week we were all going to go) 25th May - 1st June is €2000 and MIL booked and has paid €1000 deposit. The original plan was she would pay the whole €2000.
€1000 Deposit and our €1600 are non refundable.
Added to this we have hired a car and have changed it to a bigger one so we can fit MIL which is an extra €200...
I am going to get DH to ask her to pay the remaining €1000 the way I see it she is still paying the same but is getting a two week holiday out of it - I'm not being mean, am I?
If it makes any difference she has plenty of money.

OP posts:
Bringbackthestripes · 29/04/2019 11:53

was that the plan though? Was she not just expecting to pay 50% and you and SIL to pay the balance between you? As she the email says she wants DH to pay 50/50 maybe you misunderstood in the beginning?
Things have been muddied by you changing the booking but you might have found her requesting 50/50 for the week even if you had stuck to the original plan.

Notcontent · 29/04/2019 11:54

It does sound like you have got a really raw deal out of this!! Was she definitely planning to pay for the holiday originally? Did she tell you that? If so, she is being really unreasonable and unfair about this.

Beachbodynowayready · 29/04/2019 11:55

Mil wants the bigger house she should pay.... Or invite another family to share the cost..

Itsagrandoldteam · 29/04/2019 11:55

No, YANBU.
She was originally going to pay 2000 for half term week, why is she going back on it now? Just because SIL has decided not to come?

If she wants you to pay half for the second week, get her to pay half for the first week. That way she will pay you 800, you could also ask her for 200 for the increase in car hire, as you wouldn't have to pay this if it wasn't for her. That way she pays you 1000 and you are both then paying what you expected to pay at the start. Hope that makes sense.
You need to sort it before you go so it doesn't end up having a negative effect on the holiday.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 29/04/2019 11:57

Get DH to clarify that she was definitely originally going to pay for everyone, and then tell her that you can't afford to pay 50% of the second week as you are paying all of the first week plus for the car hire. Although to be honest, it's not going to be far off 50/50 anyway... if you split both weeks in half, that's £1.8k each; then the car hire split is an extra £100, so she'd either be paying £1.9k or £2k.

DerelictWreck · 29/04/2019 12:01

Why does she expect you to pay 50% of the second week and 100% of the first week? Makes no sense! Don't really even understand why 2 weeks - your DH needs to take 10 consecutive days, but a week is 7 anyway so with two days off before to pack and prepare, and one day off after to adjust, that's it sorted!

MyToothPain · 29/04/2019 12:02

Is she withdrawing the principle of her paying the full amount for wk2, because it was supposed to be a gift for both her DCs?

I think your DH needs to speak to SIL and ask her to say something along the lines of “it was my decision to drop out. Please don’t feel like you need to give/do anything else for me in lieu of the holiday. And please treat my DB and his family as if I was still going”

Or will you’re SIL expect your MIL to treat her to the tune of £1000 if your MIL went ahead and paid the full holiday cost as originally planned? Is she the type to expect to be treated in some other way/offended if your MIL still treats your DH without also giving her something?

Your MIL may be wanting to avoid paying £2k for this.... and then being emotionally blackmailed into paying another £2k for something for SIL!

MyToothPain · 29/04/2019 12:04

Agreed with other PPs to ask her to pay 50% of everything, though. Then she’s not treating you at all, just paying her own way.

AhhhHereItGoes · 29/04/2019 12:12

Yes I'd both pay €1800 each.
Give €200 to MIL and she pays the remainder.

Both paid for half of the 2 weeks.

Original poster
Shellingtonseaotter · 29/04/2019 12:41

Yes, I think it is because my SIL dropped out so now it isn't the family holiday she planned. I think SIL doesn't want to come because my two children are small, noisy and, well, toddlers! Her DD is quiet and bookish.
10 working days works out to be two full weeks and one day because the bank holiday isn't counted. DH likes to do something/ go away for that time off hence extending the original week away. It's a bit hard to change the booking now as we have had to pay in full for the first week and our flights are paid for.
DH is going to call her on his lunch break because he says he replied to her email and she said she didn't understand(!)
Hopefully it will all work itself out. Never going on an extended family trip again, it has been nothing but stress.

OP posts:
Beachbodynowayready · 29/04/2019 13:15

Maybe sil doesn't want to be swindled by her dm?

Twickerhun · 29/04/2019 13:20

Sounds like you need a face to face conversation to fix this one

Holidayshopping · 29/04/2019 13:25

Is your DH of the same opinion as you? What’s his relationship with his mum like normally?

SD1978 · 29/04/2019 13:40

She should still be paying the cost of the week she has invited you on- so the full €2000, regardless of others backing out. Technically I'd say she also should be paying the difference between the villa you wanted and the one you've ended up in, but probably wouldn't go there myself, even though it's a 'free' week for her now.