We shouldn't have to pay this much?

[Shellingtonseaotter]

My MIL had a big birthday earlier this year and to celebrate has invited DH, me and our two children (4&2) together with my SIL, BIL and their DD (10) to go away on holiday for May half term.
MIL booked a villa and paid a deposit (50%) of the week's cost.
Then DH decided we would stay for two weeks as he has to have 10 days consecutive holiday per year and so we contacted the same resort to hire a smaller/ cheaper villa for the second week (the week before half term).
Then SIL decided not to come and so we asked MIL if she would like to come for two weeks too as she didn't want to fly on her own.
Anyway, there was lots of to-Ing and fro-Ing and we have ended up booking the larger (5 bed) villa for two weeks.
The balance was due this week - we expected to pay for the first week 100% as we booked it but thought that MIL would still pay for the second week as that was the original plan.
However, she has forwarded the email to DH saying that he needs to pay 50/50.
For context, the first week falls into lower season and so is €1600 but the half term week goes up to €2000 - each week has been booked separately with the resort (I hope that makes sense!).
So we are now paying €2600 for a two week holiday in a villa with more bedrooms than we need (MIL wanted to keep the bigger one in case SIL changed her mind) which started out as a week's "free" holiday.
AIBU to think that MIL should keep to her word and pay for the week she booked or at least pay 50% of the two week booking? I feel we have been shafted!

think by the time the second week comes you would like SIL to be there to break up the fortnight.
can she be persuaded

No, SIL is totally against coming. It's odd, no one has fallen out. DH is close to his mum - he speaks to her virtually every day.
This is the first time she has booked a holiday though, my FIL did all that but he passed away last year.

Anyway, he has phoned her and explained our side of things. She said she thought as SIL wasn't coming anymore it isn't her birthday treat... but she will pay it anyway.

NEVER AGAIN

Communication is mostly the key, glad to hear it's been cleared up

She said she thought as SIL wasn't coming anymore it isn't her birthday treat... but she will pay it anyway

Wonder if SIL is going to be miffed because she hasn’t had any money spent on her (despite her having the option to come), sounds like it has the possibility to be an awkward holiday -good luck!

Ok so the bank transfer in from MIL has arrived (DH is making the payment for her) £300.
I am fuming. This is not what DH told me would be paid. He is out tonight so I can't even ask him where this figure came from.
Cheeky, cheeky cow. I am going to have to sit on my hands so I don't message her myself.

Worst case scenario, she should be paying for half of the whole thing: £1800. But yes, she really should be paying for the week she invited you to as her guest, while you pay for the week you invited her to as your guests.

Wheres £300
Come from??

shouldnt it be 50/50 across the whole lot so you pay 1800 - that is what I would offer anyway

What? Sorry but I'd look to sell this holiday off.

Sorry I would now be looking at changing accommodation to somewhere cheaper for the second week as you have not paid anything for that, and leaving mil at home. You might be able to sort the hire car out to get a smaller one

So she's paid £1300, maybe she's paying the other £500 another time?

Thought I would update you all.

The £300 came from the fact she had paid a £500 damage deposit... which we could not get her to see was not part of the price.

Anyway, we went - NEVER AGAIN. The holiday itself was nice but it was clear that our children got on her nerves.

Money was always an issue. We ended up eating in the villa most of the time and DH paid for everything but we kept a tally (of bigger expenses, not daily milk/bread top ups) and she said she would settle up with us at the end . When it came time to settle up she wanted to split everything 5 ways - I.e. suggesting our kids ate/ drank the same amount as her. Fortunately DH put his foot down and said that, no, four ways would be fairer. She literally transferred the amount to the penny (based on the day FX rate, not what she would get in a shop, obviously!) into DH's bank account (which in itself is odd as she usually does it to our joint account). She didn't contribute towards the car.
DH even took his mum out for dinner one night to "thank" her
Now the issue of the damage deposit has come up - DH arranged for it to be paid back to us and MIL has hit the roof. We have set out the cost of everything that we paid and she paid - it works out €2,100 for her and over €4,000 for us (which is a lot considering this excludes flights and was meant to be a "free" week away!) and she said that it was a lot more than she expected and that she will have to cut back this year.
DH wants to give her some money back - AIBU to say no? To me, she agreed to pay the €2,000 to begin with and isn't paying more than she originally set out to? She is paying less? Plus she got two weeks holiday for the same amount of money.
She does have money - savings in six figures and £3k a month in pensions.
DH feels sorry for her as it is her first year alone and she hasn't really come to terms with it. Am I being too harsh?
We can afford to give her some money back but it will mean we might not be able to go abroad in the autumn half term (first world problems!).

Tell dh he can pay her back from his own account not the joint one.. She is a massive cf.

I think this behaviour by mil is probably why sil refused to come...

I think this behaviour by mil is probably why sil refused to come!

It’s just one of these things that you let go. And never do again. An expensive lesson learnt.
Clearly it’s not what she wanted and she probably thinks she just tagged along on your holiday. But you’re never going to make her see that it’s unfair that she changed the goalposts.
Breath deeply and let it go. It’s not worth falling out over.

walkamile I will say so but our money is joint anyway so all it will mean is he will transfer some more from our joint savings to cover it!

charlotte you could well be right. SIL lives near MIL and so spends more time with her than us - we visit every 3 weeks or so. I would love to be able to discuss this with her but we just don't have that kind of relationship.

Thanks for the update! Sorry it was a nightmare.

At least you know where you stand with her going forwards.

Tbh I’d just pay her back the damage deposit and then have little else to do with her.

Take a deep breath. You cannot 'win' this one. MIL will never see sense, nor do the sums fairly. She will always be aggrieved. Even if you give her back ALL of her money, she will be aggrieved.

Tell your DH to do as he thinks best but NEVER EVER to even vaguely hint that another family holiday would be a nice idea!

I would be fuming too. Never again if she ever tries to suggest it again!

I also wouldn't fall out about it even though I would be fuming at being taken advantage of.

Now you know what she's like you can say to your DH, never again.
She definitely took advantage of you and knew exactly what she was doing.

Silly woman. If it comes up again, do the tinkle laugh" oh we'll never get caught out by you again like that"😁

Don’t return the money. Whenever she mentions it, (she will) just sigh and say, ‘I know, everything is so expensive isn’t it. Better to stay at home really if it annoys you so much.’

I'd let it go as well, and let her have the deposit back. But it would sour my relationship with her. And i'd certainly make sure j was never put in that position again with her.

Do appreciate your update. Sound very tough,