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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sleep over etiquette- AIBU?

48 replies

Somethingsosimple · 28/04/2019 10:46

Ok I’m really not sure how I should handle sleepovers. DD had a friend over for sleep over on Friday night.They are 12. They had a fun evening and eaten their favourite food and watched a film. At 10:00 I encouraged them to get ready for bed. They continued to play music and chat for a while and got out of bed a few times playing dares etc.At 11:00 I firmly said that they needed to settle down - didn’t mind quiet talking. At midnight they are still messing around and My dd’s friend apparently told my Dd the next day that it wasn’t much of a sleep over if they can’t stay up until they want. My Dd was so tired and wanted to sleep. Should I just relax a bit and let them get on with it in future. My DH thinks I should leave them to it.

OP posts:
NomNomNomNom · 28/04/2019 10:53

I think standard procedure is that they can stay up as late as they want as long as they're not being ridiculously loud and keeping up neighbours/the rest of the house.

troppibambini · 28/04/2019 10:57

Yes as long as they aren't being ridiculously loud leave them to it.

IDrinkFromTheKegOfGlory · 28/04/2019 11:05

My 11 yr old DD and her friends usually end up going up to her room by about 10.30 and then I usually end up going in from 11 to settle them down. I then tell them to be quiet at whatever time I want to go to sleep! They know I don't care what time they go to sleep but I do care if they keep me up. So as long as they're quiet they can stay awake until breakfast for all I care 😁 although they're usually sparko by about midnight or 1am despite themselves!

But DD is only allowed sleepovers during the holidays, not during term time, so the potential lack of sleep is less of an issue.

Angelicinnocent · 28/04/2019 11:08

As long as quiet, allowed to stay up until whenever. I used to suggest under covers and film on with chatting from about 11 or midnight and they would usually fall asleep towards end of it XxX

Angelicinnocent · 28/04/2019 11:09

Don't know where the kisses came from Blush

Sparklingbrook · 28/04/2019 11:10

First rule of sleepovers. There will be no sleep.

Newyearnewname2019 · 28/04/2019 11:12

What is your AIBU? Did you want them to be quiet then or go to sleep?

If you expected them to sleep then yabvu. If you wanted them to quieten down so you can sleep then fair enough.
I never involve myself in sleepovers since mine have been in secondary. The furthest I go is telling them when we're going to bed so they don't be too loud. Beyond that they can crack on.

Cornishmum00 · 28/04/2019 11:15

Mine get told to keep noise down when i go to bed but i have no idea what time they actually go to sleep, dd is 14, ds 11

KaterinaPetrova · 28/04/2019 11:16

My 12 yo DD has sleepovers almost every weekend and school holiday. I allow it even though it is never reciprocated which is shit for my DD.

Whilst I don't send them to bed early I do ask that they are quiet for others in the house. I have other children who need to sleep. Once it's get to silly o'clock though and they're still up I do go in and say enough is enough. Staying up past 3am just makes for ill kids the day after.

Last night the 12 year olds were asleep by around midnight I think and the 9 year olds (two of my DC were having sleepovers here) were asleep by about 10:30pm.

HennyPennyHorror · 28/04/2019 11:17

I agree that it's pretty standard to let them stay awake later than usual. I just leave mine to it on the understanding that they don't wake everyone else up.

That means no shouting or going around the house. They can have snacks in the room and it's expected that they will watch films etc.

I wouldn;t tell 12 year olds to go to bed at 11.00pm though.

DropZoneOne · 28/04/2019 11:21

Just leave them to it up until midnight. 9 times out of 10, they're worn out by 11, it all quietens down and they're asleep soon after. As long as they don't keep me awake, they can crack on. Of course, overtired kids the next day is no fun, which is why it doesn't happen very often here!

oneforthepain · 28/04/2019 11:23

You tried to put them to bed at 10pm on a sleepover? That is a bit weird.

Sleepovers aren't really about experiencing your friend's normal bedtime routine. It would be different if it was a short holiday or something where they were only staying over in order to be there for daytime activities. The focus of a sleepover is the evening/night, though.

HoppingPavlova · 28/04/2019 11:25

As long as they are not disturbing anyone else just leave them to it at that age.

adaline · 28/04/2019 11:26

YABU.

The whole point of sleepovers is to stay awake until a stupid time, not to be told to go to bed at 10pm!

Dippypippy1980 · 28/04/2019 11:31

10pm is quite early for 12 year olds at a sleep over. My nephew is 10 amd the whole fund of sleepovers is staying up late - particularly when there is a crowd. He would be horrified at being told to go to sleep that early (normal bedtime is 8:30 on a school night and 10 at weekends)

Candleglow7475 · 28/04/2019 11:33

I kind of agree with the friend - 10-11 seems early for a sleep over aged 12. I think you should relax a little as you suggested.

Hecateh · 28/04/2019 11:39

My daughter had a sleepover with about 6 friends for her 12th birthday. I knew there was no way they were going to get much, if any sleep - for a one off I wasn't worried so long as they didn't keep me awake.

They didn't keep me awake BUT at 4 am (ish) they left the house, went to the all night petrol station about half a mile away for more snacks and then went to the playground for an hour, finally coming back and getting (a bit of) sleep at around 6 am.

She only told me this years later; I was blissfully ignorant at the time.

Dippypippy1980 · 28/04/2019 12:02

I remember having a sleepover and wandering out with my friends in the early hours to help our lovely milk man deliver milk to the neighbours. It was a gorgeous summer morning - about 5am.

Treasured childhood memory. We thought we were such rebels🤣

LaCastafiore · 28/04/2019 12:05

It's very mean to expect them to actually sleep so early!

Hecateh I have done that too, many times. We still haven't told half of it to our parents, but now my kids are getting to that age, I am worried about karma Grin Grin Grin

Dieu · 28/04/2019 13:56

I have a 12 year old daughter, and leave them to it, on the condition that they're not loud (siblings and upstairs neighbours to consider).

Wheresmyvagina · 28/04/2019 13:59

In my house everything has to go off by about 11 as in no TV or music (gaming stops way earlier) and no phones. If they want to chat after that they are welcome as long as they are quiet but they tend to fall asleep if they haven't got something to focus on.

Sparklingbrook · 28/04/2019 14:06

I just think that if you have to go sleep at the same time you would at home on a normal night then going to a sleepover is a bit pointless.

During sleepovers my two gamed all night, ate reasonably unhealthy food and had fun on whatever gadgets they had. Here and wherever they went for a sleepover.

Then they would sleep a ,lot of the next day. So we only had them on a Friday/Saturday night or in the school holidays.

It's all stopped now they are late teens. Happy memories though.

IvanaPee · 28/04/2019 14:08

That was way too early!

As long as they’re not disturbing the neighbours or keeping smallies awake, they can stay up. That’s most of the fun!

reluctantbrit · 28/04/2019 14:09

It depends. If there is nothing going on the next day I asked them to be upstairs at 11pm and light out around midnight.

But sometimes DD stays over at a friend or said friend at ours and they have to be at the riding stable the next morning at 9.30am. In these cases I asked them to have light out at 10.30pm. After two times being overtired they realise that they need a certain amount of sleep and it works well.

They can listen to music but no phones or tablet upstairs are allowed.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 28/04/2019 14:23

I do think that if one kid wants to sleep, the rest have to respect that. OP didn't say she told them to go to sleep - just quiet talking, which is fair enough.

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