Sleep over etiquette- AIBU?

[Somethingsosimple]

Ok I’m really not sure how I should handle sleepovers. DD had a friend over for sleep over on Friday night.They are 12. They had a fun evening and eaten their favourite food and watched a film. At 10:00 I encouraged them to get ready for bed. They continued to play music and chat for a while and got out of bed a few times playing dares etc.At 11:00 I firmly said that they needed to settle down - didn’t mind quiet talking. At midnight they are still messing around and My dd’s friend apparently told my Dd the next day that it wasn’t much of a sleep over if they can’t stay up until they want. My Dd was so tired and wanted to sleep. Should I just relax a bit and let them get on with it in future. My DH thinks I should leave them to it.

We had a sleepover last night. I turned the TV off at 11pm , at 11.30pm I told them they needed to go to sleep soon and to stay quiet (they were well behaved, quietly talking). I told them I was going to bed. It turned out they were awake till 2am and woke up at 6am. There were 6 of them (11 year olds) . Early night for them I think! So I dont mind aslong as they're not messing around and they dont disturb the people who are actually wanting to sleep.

There’s a reason I always referred to DDs as wakeovers...

That does seem very early. My kids would be mortified if I tried to send them to bed at that time on a sleepover.

I leave them to it but expect them to be quiet from about 1/2am ish so that they aren't disturbing the rest of the house.

At midnight they are still messing around

Did you go in again at this point?

There are different types of sleepovers.

Party sleepovers - free for all. I tend to do them on a Friday now so kids can come straight from school and they have longer to recover.
Weekend sleepovers - must be quiet from midnight. Preferable asleep.
Either way, I don’t want to be coming in and telling them to shut up because that results in no sleepovers whatsoever. Be quiet, I don’t want to know about it.

Bed at 10 is fine. It doesn’t mean going to sleep, just go and confine yourself to the bedroom as I’ve had enough of you all.

One friend for a non special occasion sleepover and I think it's fine to ask them to stay in the host child's room aside from trips to the toilet after 10pm actually.

My nearly 12 year old DS has his best friend to sleep over roughly every second weekend and more often some holidays and I let them watch films til about then, then send them to bed. They can chat as long as they want but they don't act like rude idiots disturbing everyone, which is why he's welcome to stay whenever he wants.

Nearly 14 year old and her friends tend to go up earlier but that's because they game or watch films on the computer in her room - we extend her time limits to midnight if she has a weekend sleepover but conditional on not disturbing anyone, and I suggest they get ready for bed when I go to bed, which they always do. They bring their phones downstairs before we go o bed - house rules. They never disturb anyone after about 10pm either.

Mass birthday sleepovers are different, but one friend on a term time Friday for no special reason need not be some kind of wake-a-thon or all night party.

What age do sleepovers start for boys these days, if at all? I remember having sleepovers from secondary school year 7, but my brother never had sleepovers!
My son is 10 and he's never asked for a friend to sleepover which to be honest I'm relieved about as he shares with her 7yo brother lol and I also have a toddler so I wouldn't want rowdy kids up all hours

DS had sleepovers from about year 4 and then they stopped wanting them in about year 9.

My 16 yo still has them 🤦🏻‍♀️ I’ve had to insist he has less people because they no longer fit.

Jaz32 my sons have both had sleepovers since the age of 6, but only with one friend at a time and only friends who have been to ours loads of times before the sleepovers and felt at home here. Both have a best friend who stays over requently and have other long-term but not best friends to sleep over occasionally. One at a time and nobody is rowdy.

I am happy to host one sleepover child any time, but mass sleepovers only for birthdays and at nearly 12 ds1 has never wanted to host but has been to two big group 11th birthday sleepovers. DD has had a group sleepover a couple of time for birthdays.

@archivebuildingsite I never expected this to be honest, he's never been invited to one either and as far as I know none of the other boys in his class have them, except one boy who has stayed at others' houses as his mum and dad both occasionally end up on night shift so it's more of a favour than a play date... just haven't seen the need for it as kids all live local and so just come for tea and get collected at 6.30ish!

Once it got late I would just tell them to go up to the bedroom and be quiet. If they stay up really late without disturbing anyone else in the house then it doesn't really matter, let them have fun.

Oh dear my 9 year old had a sleep over recently and I did the same as you. They went to bed at 11. I said they could talk quietly too, but had to wrap it up at midnight as they were disturbing the 5 year old. After reading all these posts it was probably not a fun sleep over!

As my son put it: it is in the name, sleepover means sleep is over...

Sleepovers = no sleep whatsoever

You will have to deal with cranky irritable children for days afterwards.

I try to do as little of them as possible, and when we do, I steel myself for the inevitable exhaustion that will follow.

It is great fun for them, less so for everyone else :)

Just keep them to Birthdays ,School hols etc .Mine are older now but distinctly recall DS having friends over, including one very lively chap and begging me to tell them to be quiet!.Fast asleep myself as deaf in one ear and had had a couple of glasses of wine!

my son is 8. As long as they are quiet there is no 'bedtime' during sleepovers.

They are usually asleep by 10 ;)

My daughter's (14) friend slept over Friday night, they stayed up (very quietly) until 2 or 3 AM then slept until noon the next day. It wouldn't suit everyone, but it didn't bother me.

I am thirty, and have only just started keeping my own bedtime routine when I stay with friends! Even then I tend to stay up an extra half hour, yawning.

I would expect 12-year-olds to stay up chatting as long as they wanted to at a sleepover - that's kind of the point of it. I wouldn't let them be running around the house keeping everyone awake, but chatting and giggling or watching films in their pyjamas, fine. I'd just go to bed and leave them to it.

I leave them downstairs - they tend to camp out on the sofa bed. I go upstairs. As long as they're quiet and not messing around, I go to sleep and leave them to it.

My DD is 12, I would do exactly what you did OP. Getting ready for bed at 10-ish, settling down at 11. That’s 2 hours later than DD’s usual bedtime, and they never sleep in later. I don’t want a grey-faced ratbag the next day, and I’m sure her friends don’t either.