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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want to pull my line manager up on her general rudeness to myself and others?

32 replies

TashieWoo · 28/04/2019 10:19

I started a new job nearly three months ago and I have my end of probation review on Friday this week. I have had a mid term probation review and two one-to-ones and no concerns have been raised about my work, of course I am learning and so I’m not as good as I would be if I was more experienced, but I think I am exceeding expectations, for example I was given a project to lead on and was told when I was given it that she (line manager) wasn’t planning on giving me a project for six months. And I really enjoy the job and have in general lovely colleagues, so it’s all good.

However I do have a problem with my line manager and I am not alone, having spoken to a few trusted people when she upset me a couple of weeks ago she is known for being rude. Some call her ‘sassy’ which is their way of saying assertive.

I have no problem with her constructively criticising my work, that is her job and doesn’t bother me in the slightest, and I am learning from it so that’s fine.

I do have a problem with her general lack of manners. She will talk across me to others and ignore me when I go in and say good morning to the others. She will leave me out of conversations and has tried to get me into trouble with her superiors (long story basically she wanted one of them to have a problem with something I’d done but he didn’t have a problem when I spoke to him about it so he told her not to give me a hard time). That happened during a stressful time with a deadline and I really didn’t need it. She ignores me and others but as soon as a male colleague or someone who she admires comes over she’s all sweetness and light.

She makes comments on people’s appearances (backhanded compliments and negative ones) and tells people to their face that she doesn’t like them. I went into a meeting with a salesperson the other week, and she said that she’d met with someone from their company a couple of years ago and didn’t like them so she was unsure about meeting them... I found it quite embarrassing really.

That is just a few examples... I don’t know what to do but it does annoy me that she just seems to get away with it. I’d be mortified if I was a line manager (which I have been in the past) and someone I’d hired said I was rude. I know I’m not being hypersensitive as lots of people agree with me, but I know that if I said anything to her I’d either get emotional or get angry.

At the moment I am taking the ‘kill her with kindness’ approach and not showing any annoyance, but I just don’t know what to do for the best as I don’t want it to carry on!

Any advice appreciated Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
TashieWoo · 28/04/2019 17:32

Hopeful bump Smile

OP posts:
LuluBellaBlue · 28/04/2019 17:35

I’d say being so new to the company you don’t really have any power to say much?

Loopytiles · 28/04/2019 17:36

You don’t have any unfair dismissal rights yet and she has power over you.

Loopytiles · 28/04/2019 17:37

Also, don’t discuss her with your colleagues.

Snappedandfarted2019 · 28/04/2019 17:38

You’re setting yourself up for a fall, you’re new to the company and she’s is some above you. It’s not you’re place to speak on behalf of others.

Everydaypeople · 28/04/2019 17:41

You’re not covering yourself in glory by the way you talk to others about her.
If you have a problem deal with it accordingly, don’t bitch to other members of staff.

Macaroonmayhem · 28/04/2019 17:44

From experience with this type of female boss, my advice would be that she’ll never change. Everyone up the line will know exactly what she’s like and so long as her team deliver results they won’t care.

Don’t give her feedback as you’ll just be putting a target on your back, simply sit tight, keep your head down and as soon as a good internal opportunity comes up, move.

ImNotHappyaboutitPauline · 28/04/2019 17:48

She sounds painful but what do you really think you'd achieve by "pulling her up"? You can't really imagine this isn't well known or that nobody else has ever raised issues with her yet she is still in her role. That suggests her superiors know what she's like but are fine with it because she gets the job done (not uncommon) or for whatever reasons they are unable or unwilling to address it (also not uncommon).

If you like and want to keep the job I would just go along to get along. It's not nice and it's not fair but given you've only been there a few months you can take it that you're easier to replace than she is.

Original poster
TashieWoo · 28/04/2019 19:58

Thanks for the replies... I’m not bitching about her to colleagues more saying that she’s upset me, and with the situation I described I was worried and didn’t know what to do for the best. I know I don’t have any power to say anything, unless I go to HR.

She is fairly good at her job but not faultless (who is), she was very green when she started and has been there a long time. The impression I have is that is how she is in the position she’s in, rather than being good at what she does.

Looks like I’ll just be putting up with her then!

OP posts:
Summersunsareglowing · 28/04/2019 20:18

How do you know she was very green when she started? Did she tell you or did you find out from gossiping with others?

For someone on probation who's only been there for weeks I'm surprised you are talking about her to others. That says quite a lot about your character and doesn't show you in a good light.

To even suggest giving her feedback that she is rude, lacks manners and ignores you and talks across you really shows you are naive and lack maturity. Don't do it if you want to keep your job. Certainly don't think you are entitled to speak on behalf of others. Leave others to fight their own battles.

slashlover · 28/04/2019 20:44

Until you've been there for 2 years you have practically no rights.

Original poster
TashieWoo · 28/04/2019 20:45

@Summer she told me.

I have only asked people for reassurance, i don’t want to have to do that and I just want to get on with her like I do with everyone else but she doesn’t make it easy. People said stuff about her to me in my first week, before I said anything at all, which I only have done in the last week or when she tried to get me into bother. Believe me I wouldn’t be in this situation if I didn’t want to be.

I am certainly not naive or immature but I would say that I have an overblown sense of justice sometimes, I don’t like seeing people get away with behaving badly to myself and others. I have never said that I would speak on behalf of anyone else.

OP posts:
RubyWho · 28/04/2019 20:49

I used to have a boss who spoke to people (myself included) in an eye wateringly rude way. Such as, if I was saying “erm” too much for his liking “spit it out, fucking hell, you’re boring me!” and putting his hand up to stop me from speaking. He’d also ask me “What the hell do you think you are doing giving x this advice?”.
It went from rudeness to out and out bullying.

Myself and three other staff members made complaints to HR, who responded that my boss was “just direct” and as he was from Aus, it was just his way.

Long story short, we all left and when we did, the same three staff lodged a complaint with the industry’s regulating body.

He no longer works for the company.

Jebuschristchocolatebar · 28/04/2019 20:53

I’m my experience you should treat rude colleagues like you would a bold child. Ignore ignore ignore. You will never win against the office c7nt so best not to feed the office troll and kill them with your stunning manners, kindness and ability to not get phased by their c7nty behavior.

Tigger001 · 28/04/2019 20:56

I most definitely wouldn't talk to her on behalf of anyone else. If you were to bring it up, it would definitely have to be from a personal perspective. I also would not discuss her with anyone else in your workplace, wether you think it's innocent or not, I just would be that person.

Yes I would talk to her. I have in fact done this with one of my superiors. I can not stand rudeness and a job title does not give you free reign to be bad mannered.

One of my superiors was really dismissive and rude to me (and others) in the presence of other employees and clients. I simply arranged a meeting and called her out on it, explaining I felt it was unprofessional and just rude and could she refrain from doing it. If she needed to discuss anything call me in her office.

But be prepared to not have your contract granted as permanent. I was luckily in that my superior said she hadn't realised she behaved like that, we were under a lot of pressure, apologised and changed but I'm not naive enough to think this will happen in most cases. So it depends on how strongly you feel about it. Could you "put up and shut up" in order to get your perm position.

Tigger001 · 28/04/2019 20:58

Sorry that should be I wouldn't be that person

BuzzPeakWankBobbly · 28/04/2019 21:03

This phrasing of "pulling her up" makes it seem like you view her as a naughty child.

If that's the case, I can't think of a way you can do as you wish without it coming across completely inappropriate for a manager/employee relationship.

In which case it's a resounding no from me unless you want to be job hunting again very soon.

Original poster
TashieWoo · 28/04/2019 21:09

Yes I am not planning on saying anything for a while... I have ignored it until now and she has friends and even relatives working there so it’s difficult. She knows what she is like but at the same time she is trying to emulate someone higher up whose career path she wants to follow. This person is known for having an attitude (she has always been lovely to me) so I think my line manager wants to copy that, but it is just coming across as rude.

I will say that my Manager is always great one to one, almost a different person when she isn’t having to perform in front of others, which is a shame.

I am an insecure person and worry a lot, and do take things personally which doesn't help, saying that I never take constructive criticism about my work personally and she is also great from that perspective, it’s just everything in between .

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 28/04/2019 21:16

She sounds awful but I do wonder if she is how she is because if the culture where you work. The bit that jumps out at me is that she's described as 'sassy' for being assertive. Sassy is usually applied to American teenage girls. Assertive is usually applied to managers and its a good thing. Sounds like she doesn't fit and she knows it.

saraclara · 28/04/2019 21:19

If this is the worst line manager you have in your life, you'll be doing very well.
Seriously, the things you've mentioned really aren't a huge deal, and as a new person you'd be setting yourself up for a HUGE fall if you complain about her.
Also if she has friends and relatives working there, you really need to stop discussing her with other colleagues.

You sound really naive. You're learning from her, she's extremely nice to you one to one, and none of these things she's doing are particularly sneaky or hidden from others. They all know her and cope with her. You're just going to look silly and a shit stirrer if you put in a complaint. If you're going to complain about the person above you, you've got to have something big to complain about, not just a clash of personalities.

Original poster
TashieWoo · 28/04/2019 21:32

Nothing was a huge deal until she started stirring and trying to get me into bother with someone else. She never said anything to my face but others told me what she’d said. This was towards the end of a big project that I’d worked very long hours on and I just didn’t need or deserve it. You could also say that I shouldn’t be working 60 hour weeks during my probation, but I do because that is what the job demands; if I was naive I wouldn’t be prepared for that but I rose to the challenge and it went well.

There shouldn’t be an expectation that line managers are difficult. I’ve been one myself and managed to avoid it. I have worked directly for company directors before with no issues whatsoever.

OP posts:
Original poster
TashieWoo · 28/04/2019 21:38

@Stealth she does fit, no problem there. I dislike the word sassy as well, i have no desire to be sassy myself but I would like to be more assertive, not in this situation I might add! I do think it could be an insecurity thing with her. I actually think we are quite similar and that in time we will get on, I just can’t get upset by her behaviour as clearly it won’t get me anywhere. I get the impression she hasn’t always been like this though, but it’s the result of a couple of promotions in the last few years.

OP posts:
malificent7 · 28/04/2019 22:06

I hear you op...there is at least one in every workplace and they are annoying af.
I have learned that confronting them just dosnt work.Stay polite, don't take it personally and if they say 'jump', ask how high....with smiles. If you stay all sweetness and light it will get on their wick and they won't have any ammunition.
Far better to make a diary of any bullying behavoiur and take to HR if necessary.
Remember...its not you...its them!

idontlike789 · 28/04/2019 22:18

Similar situation I've worked for my employers less than a year . I'm fed up with how we not just me are spoken to . I've spoken up a couple of times but my supervisor really doesn't Like it . I'm not confident in reporting the situation as not worked there very long . Another employer is encouraging me to speak up as she is Fed up but she has been there a lot longer . It's difficult I don't know why it has to be Like this , I just want to do my job .

Sarcelle · 28/04/2019 22:26

From experience, don't fire others bullets for them. People are only too willing for others to sort out a mess whilst they sit back with their hands clean. You put yourself in the firing line.