To want to pull my line manager up on her general rudeness to myself and others?

[TashieWoo]

I started a new job nearly three months ago and I have my end of probation review on Friday this week. I have had a mid term probation review and two one-to-ones and no concerns have been raised about my work, of course I am learning and so I’m not as good as I would be if I was more experienced, but I think I am exceeding expectations, for example I was given a project to lead on and was told when I was given it that she (line manager) wasn’t planning on giving me a project for six months. And I really enjoy the job and have in general lovely colleagues, so it’s all good.

However I do have a problem with my line manager and I am not alone, having spoken to a few trusted people when she upset me a couple of weeks ago she is known for being rude. Some call her ‘sassy’ which is their way of saying assertive.

I have no problem with her constructively criticising my work, that is her job and doesn’t bother me in the slightest, and I am learning from it so that’s fine.

I do have a problem with her general lack of manners. She will talk across me to others and ignore me when I go in and say good morning to the others. She will leave me out of conversations and has tried to get me into trouble with her superiors (long story basically she wanted one of them to have a problem with something I’d done but he didn’t have a problem when I spoke to him about it so he told her not to give me a hard time). That happened during a stressful time with a deadline and I really didn’t need it. She ignores me and others but as soon as a male colleague or someone who she admires comes over she’s all sweetness and light.

She makes comments on people’s appearances (backhanded compliments and negative ones) and tells people to their face that she doesn’t like them. I went into a meeting with a salesperson the other week, and she said that she’d met with someone from their company a couple of years ago and didn’t like them so she was unsure about meeting them... I found it quite embarrassing really.

That is just a few examples... I don’t know what to do but it does annoy me that she just seems to get away with it. I’d be mortified if I was a line manager (which I have been in the past) and someone I’d hired said I was rude. I know I’m not being hypersensitive as lots of people agree with me, but I know that if I said anything to her I’d either get emotional or get angry.

At the moment I am taking the ‘kill her with kindness’ approach and not showing any annoyance, but I just don’t know what to do for the best as I don’t want it to carry on!

Any advice appreciated

From experience, don't fire others bullets for them

Exactly what I was going to say!

I was advised years ago in a similar situation "don't let others load the gun you'll be firing - it tends to blow up in your face!"

An awful lot of your complaints about her are based on what OTHERS have told you so you could well be going off false information.

I was in my late teens when I was in this situation and young and naive and I agree you are behaving as if you are.

You have basically no rights and no protection if it blows up on you.

NEVER bad mouth anyone at work to anyone else you work with till you've been there at least 6 months as you have NO idea of the history, who's connected to who, who can be trusted, who can't, who's a stirrer...

And even IF you do be damn sure what you say is factually correct and not personal.

You are in no position so early on to be "pulling up" anyone - far less your manager.

You barely even know her yet.

this type of female boss

WTH has her gender to do with anything? Smacks of "ooh, I wouldn't want a female boss, too bitchy/competitive/mumsy/other sexist crap stereotyping" . It's called a boss, not a "female boss". HTH

Yep. When I was young I was opinionated and foolish about leaping in where angels fear to tread. And definitely fired bullets for others (who of course went for cover and never surfaced again, as soon as I did). It was a huge mistake.

graphista's six month rule is a good one. Especially regarding conversations about someone with so many family and friends working there.

Yep it's scary what you can learn in that 6 months, people you thought were unconnected turn out to be cousins, exes etc...

Less than 3 months in you'll know nothing of people's connections or where their loyalties lie.

I've seen someone come unstuck by ASSUMING an ex wife would be a good person to slag the ex husband to in an organisation - the split had been unusually amicable and they were fiercely loyal to each other.

You keep your counsel until you know EXACTLY who's got colours tied to who's flags!

I am guessing she is younger than you and you don't like having a line manager younger than you based on the fact you keep mentioning that you have been one in the past.

I would suggest you stop talking about her behind her back to colleagues even if they try to talk to you about her.

Your further posts just make you sound like you think you are so much better to her. You're coming over really quite condescending towards/about her.

Like it or lump it, she is your manager and even if you don't respect her personally (which appears to be currently based on gossip and your own perceived personal superiority), you should respect the title.

You're being hugely condescending. Are you older than her?

Many of your examples just paint her as a slightly rude person, that's not something that the company will be interested in IMO. For example, not saying good morning. You clearly have an issue with her but tbh, it says more about you.